Matt Encinias (aka unluckiest guy in the world), a 21-year-old college student, who looks like Jim Carrey, spent the night at Standard Hotel in the rooftop pool with a topless Britney Spears. She did try to disguise herself by wearing a hat and sunglasses at night in a pool. Who else would do that except "brainiac" Britney. I love how it takes two people to help drunk Britney walk above.

Us Weekly says:

Although Spears was expecting her two young sons to be dropped off at her Beverly Hills home at noon, the singer had arranged to have the pool reopened at 2 am for the exclusive use of her group, which included then-assistant Shannon Funk and some hand-picked male extras from her video shoot.

“Britney was the first one to undress, and then everyone else followed,” Encinias tells Us. “I turned around and saw that she was topless and she had fake tattoos of flowers on her nipples from the shoot. I was told all she wanted to do that night was kiss a boy. And that’s what she did. Mission accomplished.”

It was when the alcohol started running low that an inebriated Spears, 25, suggested a game of Truth or Dare. “I was dared to get naked and get out of the pool and walk as though I was on a catwalk in a fashion show,” says Encinias. “Britney was laughing really hard.”

The Sun UK adds:

Britney’s assistant hand-picked Mike and a group of male pals to go to her hotel for drinks by the pool.

Mike explained: “Britney was drinking Mojitos and she’d been drinking some Jack Daniel’s. Suddenly she shocked everyone by just stripping out of her top. She went into the pool topless – her boobs were exposed and she had a drink in her hand and a hat on with sunglasses.”

Mike says he kissed Britney after her assistant told him the singer wanted to “make out” with him.

He said: “She straddled me and put her legs around me. When I started kissing her I did everything in my power – from my previous experience of kissing girls – not to mess it up. Britney had more drinks – she was having Jack and more Mojitos in between me feeling her up, her boobs, and kissing her on her neck. Her body was very nice. It was sexual and sensual kissing. It took some effort to perfect. She is a great kisser – I’d actually say a phenomenal kisser.”

Mike was invited back to Britney’s suite once the party was over at 4am.

He said: “I went in and found Britney lying on the bed with her knees up and just a pair of pink panties on. “She was looking like she was ready – and I wanted to finalise it.”

He was planning to spend the rest of the night in her bed – until one of his friends collapsed and nearly drowned from all the booze he had downed.

Britney’s bodyguards stepped in and ordered Mike to take his mate home.

Mike added: “In the end we had to say our goodbyes.”

The homos wrote in and they say:

Dear Mike,

We heard you were handpicked to make out with Britney Spears. Thanks for taking one for the team!

Love,

Horrified Homosexuals Everywhere

Things like this happened to me all the time in college, except it was usually an old fat bearded professor inviting me over for a massage and drinks in his hot tub.

There’s no other way to describe it, though US Weekly will surely try to flesh it out with gory details in this week’s cover story.

And, before all you Britney Spears fans come out of the woodwork to defend her in the comments and tell us to "leave her alone" and "let her go about her business" please take a moment to reflect on Brit-Brit’s recent behavior.

Inappropriate dress for dinner with the tots. Snubbing Victoria Beckham, as if Posh is beneath her. And weaponizing baby bottles and making expletive-laced threats in public.

Those who really love Britney should be alarmed, concerned, and fearful for her safety and the safety of her children.

Plus, somebody should really look into some kind of "Big Sister" program for her. If she’s so lonely that she’ll hop into a hotel pool with any ol’ extra from a video shoot and then smile for the camera, perhaps what Britney really needs is just a friend.

One who won’t sell their camera phone pics to the tabloids.

Just days ago Britney Spears was involved in an incident where her bodyguard assaulted a paparazzi, and the first reports neglected to mention Britney’s lack of innocence. The AP says:

Spears yelled "I am going to kill you! I am going to f_ _king kill you!," at Andrew Deetz, the photographer who was allegedly beaten by Spears’ bodyguard on Thursday. The men were taking pictures of Spears and her children as they left the spa at the Wynn Las Vegas casino-hotel at about 11:30 a.m., accompanied by two bodyguards. One bodyguard, Cesar Julio Camera, pushed Henderson (the other photopgrapher) against the wall until Wynn security intervened.

Afterward, Spears ran toward Henderson but was stopped by security, and then threw a baby bottle at him.

Then, in front of several other hotel guests and bystanders, Spears threatened to kill Deetz and said he should get a restraining order against her because she was going to kill him or hire someone that would.

Las Vegas police issued a summons for a charge of battery to Camera, the only person cited in the incident. He could face up to six months in county jail and a $1,000 fine if convicted.

The paparazzi had probably just left church when they happened upon Miss Spears. They probably kept a safe unobtrusive distance while they took a few shots of their favorite celebrity to personally enjoy later, when BAM!, they got smacked down by Spears and her bodyguard. The paparazzi aren’t so innocent, but threatening to kill someone is illegal. Britney probably thinks that if you kill someone they just get back up like in cartoons.

More criticism of Britney’s parenting skills are coming out in the tabloids. Looks like Britney hasn’t been able to do anything right since she left the hillbilly hills. US Weekly says:

"Sean is having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying.”

Spears “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.

On July 22, Spears and the kids toured – then took over for several hours – a Pacific Palisades home, on the market for $6.5 million. Upon arrival, her bodyguard removed the FOR SALE sign, then went to her Beverly Hills home to fetch some of their belongings. The result was a home seller’s nightmare, with Spears and her kids trashing the house before money exchanged hands. “She ate tacos on the bedroom floor!” a source says of the home. “She got crumbs and grease everywhere. She let her babies and her dog roam the floor. She left the bed a mess – I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

The mag is rumored to have added…when Britney misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her.”

Well Miss Spears, I’ve been looking for a qualified baby sitter, and I think I finally found the right one.

Us Magazine is reporting that Angelina Jolie has been very down about A Mighty Heart flopping at the theaters.

Bad box office numbers can be a real bummer. According to a source close to Angelina Jolie, 32, the actress is “devastated” by the audience rejection of her movie A Mighty Heart (it has earned just $9 million).

“She poured her heart into the story and can’t believe people don’t understand how important it is,” the insider tells Us Weekly in this week’s issue.

Helping to lighten her mood: a vacation in France with Brad Pitt, 43, and their four kids.

The whole clan is staying at a $13,818-a-week rental manor in Marthon, which boasts a swimming pool and private theater.

(Family friend Mariane Pearl, whom Jolie played in the film, was seen joining them.)

Says an insider, “Brad and Angelina wanted to get away from everything, and France is a great place to do that.”

Awwww, poor Angelina, the sex-goddess who can lure any man on the planet into her bed. Her movie did badly at the box office. She has to make herself feel better by flying to France on a private jet with her husband, Brad Pitt–you know, the best looking man in the world. When I get depressed, I down a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and chase it with a fifth of Jack.

Forbes released their list of Most Expensive Celebrity Photos:

1. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt’s first photos – People – June ‘06 – $4.1 Million
2. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s wedding – OK! – Oct ‘05- $3 Million
3. Eva Longoria and Tony Parker’s wedding – OK! – July ‘07 – $2 Million
3. Larry Birkhead with daughter Danielynn – OK! – April ‘07 – $2 Million
3. Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt’s adoption photos – People – March ‘07 – $2 Million
6. Anna Nicole’s wedding to Howard Stern- People – Sept ‘06 – $1 Million
7. Britney Spear’s son Sean Preston’s first photos – People – Nov ‘05 – $500,000
7. Angelina and Brad’s first photos as couple – Us Weekly – April ‘05 – $500,000
7. Angelina Jolie’s first visibly pregnant photos – People – Jan ‘06 – $500,000
10. Anna Nicole Smith’s son hours before his death – InTouch – Sept ‘06 – $400,000

Source: Forbes

Angelina Jolie made more than any other celebrity, taking 4 out of the 10 spots, 3 out of 4 of those pictures were due to interest in her children. It’s wrong to make big bucks selling pictures of your biological and adopted children when you’re already very rich. Jolie only started making the big bucks once she started dating Brad Pitt, and already had two adopted children. Brad has been good for Jolie’s career.

The worst mother award goes to Anna Nicole Smith however, for selling pictures of her dead son showing him just hours before his death. A real mother would never betray her son like that.

Notably not listed is how much, if anything, was paid for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes pictures of baby Suri.

The best father award should go to Tiger Woods who revealed pictures of his daughter Sam Alexis to the world for FREE.