Hayden Panettiere Threatens to Kill Reporter

The other day there was an allegation that Hayden Panettiere threatened to kill an Us magazine reporter while she was on the red carpet: Here’s more:

Anyway, it was the unbreakable Hayden Panettiere who threatened to "kill" a staffer from Us Weekly over something she wrote about her in a recent issue. Just when it looked like Hayden was about to pull a Sylar on said reporter’s skull, her quick-thinking publicist grabbed her and scolded, "Not on the red carpet." It was a classic Hollywood moment - and one I predict will be streaming all over the Internet by week’s end.

Hayden didn’t mean to "kill" anyone. Maybe the people over at Us Weekly should pass out a dictionary defining slang used by young people. The reason Hayden isn’t happy is because she’s moving from one guy to another like musical chairs, and she wants to keep her sex life a secret. She dumped Stephen Colletti, and she’s already moved on to co-star Milo Ventimiglia. In the video above the Milo and Hayden were dancing at the Emmy Awards after show party, and Milo was tenderizing his new meat with his hands and lips. By the time Hayden hits 21 years-old she’ll have handled more meat than a butcher.

Britney Spears is a Fat Pig

Sunday night at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas Britney Spears ran off stage yelling she looked like a fat pig, after seeing herself on overhead monitors during her performance. Here’s more:

“She was also able to see video of herself throughout the auditorium,” a backstage source tells Us Weekly. “She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling ‘Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!’ She was inconsolable.”

I’m not going to dispute the facts, or argue against Britney’s accurate declaration that she "looked like a fat pig." She’s right. I’ve never seen an anorexic pig, so "fat pig" sounds accurate. Drinking 3 or 4 Starbucks Vente frappuccinos with extra heavy whipped cream, plus super-sized pizzas with extra cheese and grease, Cheetos, and more, doesn’t make a young lady look like a sexy goddess. Over the last few years has she not stepped on a scale or even looked in the mirror? When her manager arranged for a trainer, and brought in a whale trainer from SeaWorld, didn’t Britney suspect someone was trying to tell her something? On the plus side, as long as Britney is a fat pig, it will be harder to see her vagina past her inner thigh fat.

Check out Britney’s uncensored MTV VMA performance after the jump…

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Lauren Conrad is Overpaid

Lauren Conrad from The Hills was filming in her bikini on a beach. Life is so hard for those girls from The Hills. E! Online’s Answer B!tch provided a ball-park estimate of reality star incomes, including Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag from MTV’s series The Hills:

Well, Lauren "L.C." Conrad does get to operate ongoing hot war with Heidi Montag in the pages of Us Weekly every week, free of charge. If that’s not a fine compensation, I don’t know what is. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. How about an estimated $10,000 to $25,000 per episode? That’s the general industry range for top reality stars such as Conrad, Montag, wannabe K-Fed or Spencer Pratt.

A reality star is what a spoiled pretty girl becomes when she’s too lazy to make an honest living as an escort.

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead Is “Breathtaking”

The upcoming issue of Us Weekly will feature Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead as she approaches her first birthday. Us Magazine has noted the resemblance between Dannielynn and her mother.

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead may not have many memories of Anna Nicole Smith, but as she nears her first birthday, it appears that just looking in the mirror will be a lifelong reminder of her mom.

Family friend Tricia Barnstable Brown tells , "I think she’s really starting to look like her mom. She has those pouty lips like Anna — she’s breathtaking." Aunt Judy Birkhead adds, "She has Anna’a smile and Larry’s eyes. She also has her laugh, and her personality is fun like Anna’s."

Anyone who has watched "Seinfeld" knows that "breathtaking" is a polite way of saying that the baby bears a striking resemblance to a catcher’s mit.

That big personality that Dannielynn got from her mom has already helped her win friends. Dad Larry Birkhead tells Us "When I took her out for her first big dinner, she looked around at the table and grabbed this big Alaskan crab leg off my plate and started swinging it around, making all these crazy noises. Everyone in the restaurant was laughing."

Sure, they’re laughing now, but when Dannielynn is still spinning crab legs in her thirties, it won’t be quite so cute. With Anna Nicole as a mother, you could probably open up her head and find a chick pea where a brain should be.

Britney Spears Topless with College Guy - Pics

Matt Encinias (aka unluckiest guy in the world), a 21-year-old college student, who looks like Jim Carrey, spent the night at Standard Hotel in the rooftop pool with a topless Britney Spears. She did try to disguise herself by wearing a hat and sunglasses at night in a pool. Who else would do that except "brainiac" Britney. I love how it takes two people to help drunk Britney walk above.

Us Weekly says:

Although Spears was expecting her two young sons to be dropped off at her Beverly Hills home at noon, the singer had arranged to have the pool reopened at 2 am for the exclusive use of her group, which included then-assistant Shannon Funk and some hand-picked male extras from her video shoot.

“Britney was the first one to undress, and then everyone else followed,” Encinias tells Us. “I turned around and saw that she was topless and she had fake tattoos of flowers on her nipples from the shoot. I was told all she wanted to do that night was kiss a boy. And that’s what she did. Mission accomplished.”

It was when the alcohol started running low that an inebriated Spears, 25, suggested a game of Truth or Dare. “I was dared to get naked and get out of the pool and walk as though I was on a catwalk in a fashion show,” says Encinias. “Britney was laughing really hard.”

The Sun UK adds:

Britney’s assistant hand-picked Mike and a group of male pals to go to her hotel for drinks by the pool.

Mike explained: “Britney was drinking Mojitos and she’d been drinking some Jack Daniel’s. Suddenly she shocked everyone by just stripping out of her top. She went into the pool topless - her boobs were exposed and she had a drink in her hand and a hat on with sunglasses.”

Mike says he kissed Britney after her assistant told him the singer wanted to “make out” with him.

He said: “She straddled me and put her legs around me. When I started kissing her I did everything in my power - from my previous experience of kissing girls - not to mess it up. Britney had more drinks - she was having Jack and more Mojitos in between me feeling her up, her boobs, and kissing her on her neck. Her body was very nice. It was sexual and sensual kissing. It took some effort to perfect. She is a great kisser - I’d actually say a phenomenal kisser.”

Mike was invited back to Britney’s suite once the party was over at 4am.

He said: “I went in and found Britney lying on the bed with her knees up and just a pair of pink panties on. “She was looking like she was ready - and I wanted to finalise it.”

He was planning to spend the rest of the night in her bed - until one of his friends collapsed and nearly drowned from all the booze he had downed.

Britney’s bodyguards stepped in and ordered Mike to take his mate home.

Mike added: “In the end we had to say our goodbyes.”

The homos wrote in and they say:

Dear Mike,

We heard you were handpicked to make out with Britney Spears. Thanks for taking one for the team!

Love,

Horrified Homosexuals Everywhere

Things like this happened to me all the time in college, except it was usually an old fat bearded professor inviting me over for a massage and drinks in his hot tub.