The upcoming issue of Us Weekly will feature Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead as she approaches her first birthday. Us Magazine has noted the resemblance between Dannielynn and her mother.

Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkhead may not have many memories of Anna Nicole Smith, but as she nears her first birthday, it appears that just looking in the mirror will be a lifelong reminder of her mom.

Family friend Tricia Barnstable Brown tells , "I think she’s really starting to look like her mom. She has those pouty lips like Anna — she’s breathtaking." Aunt Judy Birkhead adds, "She has Anna’a smile and Larry’s eyes. She also has her laugh, and her personality is fun like Anna’s."

Anyone who has watched "Seinfeld" knows that "breathtaking" is a polite way of saying that the baby bears a striking resemblance to a catcher’s mit.

That big personality that Dannielynn got from her mom has already helped her win friends. Dad Larry Birkhead tells Us "When I took her out for her first big dinner, she looked around at the table and grabbed this big Alaskan crab leg off my plate and started swinging it around, making all these crazy noises. Everyone in the restaurant was laughing."

Sure, they’re laughing now, but when Dannielynn is still spinning crab legs in her thirties, it won’t be quite so cute. With Anna Nicole as a mother, you could probably open up her head and find a chick pea where a brain should be.

Queen of Porn Jenna Jameson is hanging up her whips, chains, and black mamba vibrators. According to Us Magazine, her retirement will include other business pursuits, such as a Hollywood biopic, a comic book and a clothing line, which are due out next year. The next phase of her life also includes downsizing, as the adult film star had her breast implants removed a few weeks ago. She probably has to wear ankle weights just to keep from flying away.

Here is part of her interview with Us:

On why she had her implants removed:
“When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I’d wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?”

On how removing the implants changed her:
“Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”

On how she felt postsurgery:
“Ecstatic. The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn’t supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17.”

On whether she’s done with porn forever:
“Yes. A hundred percent.”

On who will play her in a movie about her life:
“I would love Scarlett Johansson to play me. I think Rachel McAdams is amazing, and Sienna Miller.”

On celebrating her one-year anniversary with boyfriend Tito:
“I had my surgery while he was in Iraq on a USO tour. He was so excited: ‘I’m coming home to brand new boobies.’”

I’m thinking that the mirror in Jenna’s home must be like one of those weird distorted circus mirrors that makes you look totally different than you actually appear. Scarlett Johansson, Rachel McAdams, and Sienna Miller? I mean, I’d like Angelina Jolie to play me in my biopic, but I’d also like a million dollars and Santa Claus to be real. But then I wake up.

Attention whores of the millennium, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, are claiming the leak of the shideous single done by Heidi was a mistake. To boot, the single contains a K-Fedulous rap in it, courtesy of Spencer Brat. Us Magazine reports:

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are normally of the "all press is good press" school, but today’s leak of Montag’s first single has got them both in a tizzy.

A source tells Usmagazine.com that the couple do not know where Ryan Seacrest got the song, which he played for listener feedback this morning on his radio show. “They are furious," the source says. "They don’t know who [is responsible], but Heidi, Spencer and the label are extremely upset it leaked."

Montag, who has a contract to release one song, not a whole album, with Warner Brothers, had planned to release "Body Language" without Pratt’s rap. Pratt tells Us that the leaked track "was a song Heidi and I were doing for fun. Never would I rap on her first single!"

Yeah, and the sex tape we’re sure to find is going to be an "accident" too. Just looking at these two makes me feel like I have food poisoning on a humid, hundred-degree day at my time of the month. Yes, it’s that bad.

TMZ is speculating that John Mayer and Mandy Moore may be the latest musicians (cough) to couple up.

The "Chocolate Rain" singer was spotted out in SoHo yesterday having lunch with Mandy Moore, who was in town for the premiere of her new movie, "Dedication."

The frumpy pair (is that a potato sack she has on?) would make sense as a couple — she likes funny guys with good musical taste (Zach Braff) and he likes women.

However, Us Magazine has reported that Mandy Moore says that they have been "friends for years."

Just in case, it’s always handy to come up with one of those annoying couple monikers.  Johndy?  Maymoore?  Or perhaps just "Milk Toast."

Kevin Federline is serious about asking for increased custody of the two kids he has with Britney Spears, and early Sunday morning Spears’ cousin/assistant Alli Sims and Spears’ music producer JR Rotem were notified that they will be called to testify in the custody hearings. Us magazine says:

They were approached early Sunday morning around 2:30 a.m. outside a party at a Hollywood Hills home and served with a deposition subpoena by Aaron Cohen of IMS Security, who, according to another source, is "one the top security guys in Hollywood."

A visibly upset Sims attempted to avoid being served, and she and Rotem began to argue with Cohen. But, as an eyewitness reports, Cohen was not deterred by Sims’ denials and was forced to throw the subpoena through an open car window as Sims and Rotem fled in a friend’s car. Spears was spotted leaving the same party moments later and eventually joined Sims and Rotem at her Beverly Hills home.

It probably didn’t help that Britney and her friends had to be served at 2:30am at a party in the Hollywood Hills, but Us goes on to say that Simms will be questioned about everything she knows in regards to Britney as a parent:

According to a source familiar with the custody battle, Sims’ deposition gives Kaplan the ability to, "ask her about everything. What she feeds the kids, what’s going in the bottles, how late they’re staying up and about what Britney is like when she parties."

Britney’s only hope now is for Ali to either disappear forever, or to develop a pathological condition that forces her to lie for Britney. TMZ says K-Fed is only after the money:

K-Fed is going back to court asking for more custody of the kids. Kevin Federline just agreed to a 50/50 split. Then, he turned around almost immediately and filed papers asking for 70/30. So why such a sudden change of heart?

Alli Sims, Britney’s cousin, was served over the weekend. Kevin’s lawyer wants to take her deposition. Now here’s what’s telling. Federline’s lawyer also wants to take Britney’s depo, but a source connected with Alli says the deposition notice Britney received is all financial — in other words, the references are all about money, not the kids.

When a guy does it, he’s only after the money, when a woman does it, she’s only doing it for the kids. Sexist. If Britney had not already proven her love for sex with a different guy every night, nearly substantiated lesbian rumors, been to rehab for drug and alcohol abuse, nearly dropped Sean Preston a few times, and put her children’s safety in jeopardy over and over again, then maybe the case could be made for K-Fed only being after the money. Of course he wants the money, and to make sure his kids are safe. K-Fed didn’t engage in a custody battle with Shar Jackson, probably because she’s a better mother than Britney Spears. Sad isn’t it? Who knows, once K-Fed gets the kids, Shar might help him raise his kids, and they will probably turn out better. Britney was raised by a pack of wolves, and look how she turned out. Wolves are so over-rated.