There’s no other way to describe it, though US Weekly will surely try to flesh it out with gory details in this week’s cover story.

And, before all you Britney Spears fans come out of the woodwork to defend her in the comments and tell us to "leave her alone" and "let her go about her business" please take a moment to reflect on Brit-Brit’s recent behavior.

Inappropriate dress for dinner with the tots. Snubbing Victoria Beckham, as if Posh is beneath her. And weaponizing baby bottles and making expletive-laced threats in public.

Those who really love Britney should be alarmed, concerned, and fearful for her safety and the safety of her children.

Plus, somebody should really look into some kind of "Big Sister" program for her. If she’s so lonely that she’ll hop into a hotel pool with any ol’ extra from a video shoot and then smile for the camera, perhaps what Britney really needs is just a friend.

One who won’t sell their camera phone pics to the tabloids.

Catherine Zeta-Jones knew what she wanted out of life and it was more than ostentatious hair treatments. The girl can drive a hard bargain.

When she was dating Michael Douglas, she was firm about her desire for a family. The Mirror reports:

Catherine, 37, said: "I turned to him and asked, ‘Do you really want children?’ I thought for one minute he was going to say, ‘I already have a son, Cameron.’

"I would then have had to say goodbye. I remember saying defiantly, ‘I can’t live without having children’. And he went, ‘Me too’," she added in an interview with Parade magazine.

Perhaps she thought that was her escape clause. Something along the lines of "Sorry, you face-lifted old man, I would love to marry you, but I’m young, gorgeous and I want a beautiful family."

Unfortunately for the glossy-haired Zeta-Jones, the cruel trick of human physiology is that even mummified men can impregnate their wenches and silence the ticking of the biological clock. And some have the ego to want to.

Playing catch with the kiddies? That’s another story.