Reality Train Wreck Alert: TMZ is reporting that Kim Lard-Azz-ian will pimp herself some more by doing a reality show on E!.

The booty-full Kim Kardashian is set to star in a new reality TV show for E! that will replace "The Simple Life," reports Gatecrasher. The network was originally going to develop a show similar to "Life" starring rock celebuspawn Kim Stewart and Kelly Osborne, but canned it in favor of a family-oriented show about the Kardashian clan. The show would feature Kimmy’s entire crew, including mom Kris, step-daddy Bruce Jenner and mimbo step-bro Brody Jenner.

As if we haven’t seen enough of Brody Jenner these days trying to get in the pants of every girl on "The Hills." And did they really just use the word "family-oriented" in the same sentence as Kim Kardashian? Really? Have we not all seen her sex tape with Ray-J? Next thing we know, Nickelodeon will be asking Paris Hilton to host a kids show entitled "Things That Go Bump In the Night."

No love for the Rich-ie. According to TMZ, Nicole did not get the court date continuance she initially requested.

The Commissioner in the Nicole Richie DUI case did not grant the continuance Nicole Richie wanted. Period.

As TMZ first reported, Richie’s lawyer asked for a continuance until August 5th, because her expert witness, Dr. Terence McGee, was not available to testify then. Commissioner Steven Lubell was visibly upset and ordered both Nicole’s lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, and the prosecutor into chambers. When the Commissioner came out, he said he would not rule on the continuance and ordered all parties into court tomorrow morning at 8:30 AM — that’s when the trial is scheduled to begin.

What makes this even more of a conundrum for the pill-popping, wrong-way-driving, emaciated mom-to-be is that she flew to Calgary last night for her baby daddy’s show. Facing a minimum of five days in prison if convicted, this is anything but The Simple Life. On the bright side, she can use her baby bump to smuggle in contraband.

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Gotta love Lily Allen. She just tells it like it is, even about herself! We like this so much better than when she’s whining on MySpace.

The latest pearls about Paris Hilton, the Sun is reporting, are howlers:

"I think Paris is amazing. I mean she’s hideous, but I think she’s amazing at the same time.

"I love her. I think The Simple Life is genius. I can never figure out if she plays up to it or not.”

It’s not the first time feisty Lil has taken a pot shot at the blonde heiress.

She once labelled her "useless and hideously untalented" and suggested people who bought her debut album should be killed off.

The Smile singer also rubbished her rival Amy Winehouse’s singing ability.

She added: “I think she has a cool voice. But saying that, I don’t think it’s her real voice.”

An Amy/Lily street battle to the death may not be a stretch, though it could go either way. Winehouse will either come out swinging, or retreat into private to cut herself.

Tune in tomorrow, when Lily Allen might claim that she was drunk when she did this interview because she’s an alcoholic. Or that she was talking crazy because she was weak from an eating disorder brought on by Hollywood’s unrealistic expectations. Or that she just had PMS.

All revelations are possible with loose-cannon Allen.

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden may have put plans for a happy little family on the fast track.

TMZ is passing along a rumor that Richie is "shopping around for a wedding dress … asking stylists for help."

E Online is citing an unnamed Richie close friend who confirmed that the star of The Simple Life is, indeed, pregnant.

Terrific timing, too. If she can just find the perfect dress and get this wrapped up before her July 11 trial date, perhaps she’ll petition for spousal conjugal visits.

Maybe Paris Hilton is helping out by scouting Hawaii locales for a quickie, post-clink honeymoon.

It took jail time for Paris Hilton to learn that stupidity gets her nowhere. ‘The Simple Life’ star spoke with Barbara Walters by phone on Sunday, releasing a statement that the media should pay more attention to “more important things” than her 45 days jail sentence, according to ABC news site

"I used to act dumb. … That act is no longer cute," Hilton said over the phone to Walters. Hilton used the excuse that she had an unknown medical condition, while serving three days in the joint. Although a sheriff set her free and let serve out rest of her sentence at home, the judge sent her back on Friday.

Hilton also told Walters that her jailhouse experience has changed her. “Now, I would like to make a difference. … God has given me this new chance."

Yes, God give us all a chance, including you Paris. Now this is your chance to use that thing inside your head which called a brain, much more often.