There’s no other way to describe it, though US Weekly will surely try to flesh it out with gory details in this week’s cover story.

And, before all you Britney Spears fans come out of the woodwork to defend her in the comments and tell us to "leave her alone" and "let her go about her business" please take a moment to reflect on Brit-Brit’s recent behavior.

Inappropriate dress for dinner with the tots. Snubbing Victoria Beckham, as if Posh is beneath her. And weaponizing baby bottles and making expletive-laced threats in public.

Those who really love Britney should be alarmed, concerned, and fearful for her safety and the safety of her children.

Plus, somebody should really look into some kind of "Big Sister" program for her. If she’s so lonely that she’ll hop into a hotel pool with any ol’ extra from a video shoot and then smile for the camera, perhaps what Britney really needs is just a friend.

One who won’t sell their camera phone pics to the tabloids.

US Magazine is reporting that other gossip magazines are lying (shocker) and Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are doing fine. US has bolstered its story of bad tabloids and their untrue tales with a quote from the Brad’s rep that "these magazines continue to write lies about our clients to sell magazines."

In other "news" Lindsay Lohan has a substance-abuse problem, Britney Spears is a hot mess, and polls show that Americans look forward to Fridays.

Carry on.

That and living well, of course.

You could probably lump making out with the steamy Jake Gyllenhaal into that pile of wonderfulness, too.

Good for you, Jessica Simpson. Keep it up. Be happy.

Pay no attention to your ex-husband blabbing to tabloids about how happy he is, because, let’s face it…nobody cares about Nick Lachey. Without you or Vanessa Minnillo, the guy can’t get arrested in this town, let alone keep attracting magazine covers.

We were actually surprised. This "exclusive" is apparently all about wearing the right clothes for your body, standing up straight, Spanx, etc.

Stars. Instant weight loss…

The first thing that popped into mind, after stylists of course, was crystal meth. Or maybe stylists AND crystal meth, the fastest route to sub-size-zero.

Next thing you know, the magazines are going to start telling us that the "secret" to weight loss is stop eating so much and get your ass in gear…and that, along with personal chefs, celebrity trainers, hours in the gym, and plastic surgery, is how the stars do it.

Hey! Wait a minute. That’s the Jessica Simpson story.

Life & Style is reporting that Angelina Jolie has decided she’s (finally) ready to marry her babydaddy, Brad Pitt.

It’s their cover story and they’re teasing it – and teasing it hard.

…an insider close to Angelina Jolie says the actress "wants to get married more than anything!" In fact, after receiving such a glowing reviews for her role in A Mighty Heart, which partner Brad Pitt produced, Angie’s falling in love with him all over again, the insider adds. Unfortunately for Angie, Brad isn’t so convinced. "He’s suspicious of the institution" of marriage, says a Brad insider. Will Angie be able to change his mind?

It’s like a cheesy cliffhanger. We must run out and buy it.

Don’t you just love Wednesdays? We certainly do.