Tommy Lee Strikes Back at Kid Rock a Day Late

Tommy Lee, who was on the receiving end of all the smacks and slaps during the 15-second "fight" started by Kid Rock at the Video Music Awards, is getting his licks in all modern-style like, by posting his story on his Web site.

Here, in all of its misspelled-and-dot-dot-dot-dot-ridden glory, is the Tommy Lee smack down. With words, people. With words.

Take THAT Kid "Pebble."

Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….("I apologize sweetie…..I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect")……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say "Hey dude…What up"?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly a** mug ….security guards… grab me and haul my a** outta the award show! So I’m fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm’s George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullsh*#%!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bull*#% caused by a piece of *#% called Kid Pebble!!

Much Love always!!…..Tommy!!

How could Pamela Anderson ever leave this mental giant? All other men must just pale in comparison.

And, yeah, we edited the bad words as if the Internet is a comic strip, but we just wanted to make sure we didn’t offend your delicate sensibilities with Tommy’s raw rock-and-roll communication.

Tommy Lee. He’s raw!

Bruce Willis Denies Romantic Link to Lindsay Lohan

It never happened. That’s what Bruce Willis has to say about those rumors that he and Lindsay Lohan had a short-lived "thing."

In an interview with the Mirror, Willis concedes that he has a rakish image and that his denials of hanky-panky with Firecrotch will fall on deaf ears.

“Here’s what you have to know,” he says with a hint of exasperation. “I don’t pay attention to the gossip anymore. I don’t look at it or let it in my house. We could go down to a newsstand right now and find five stupid things that are written about me, but I just don’t care.

“I stopped fighting it when I was a young kid and I was trying to find my way, just flailing wildly, figuring out how to handle fame. Setting the record straight… I couldn’t care less. Because no matter how many times I tell you I had nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan and never laid a finger on her – she just hung out with my younger daughter Tallulah for a minute – it’s still gonna be set in stone. It’s out of my control.”

Bruce, we believe you. Really.

In the time that has passed since those rumors were hot, we’ve learned that Lindsay was raised by a liar, that she has delusions of influential connections to an ex-Vice President, and that she can’t spell the word adequate.

Her alleged claims - and then public denials - that the two of you were hitting it off seem less convincing now than ever.

We’re just glad that rehab has reduced said Lohan hook-up claims. We’re bracing for the new wave of Lindsay-finds-love stories we’ll soon have to post.

And it makes our fingers cry.

Paris Hilton Lies About Doing Drugs on Larry King

Paris Hilton had her interview with Larry King, and Larry asked the tough questions.

Larry: Have you ever been addicted to drugs?

Paris: No.

Larry: Taken drugs?

Paris: No.

Larry: Never taken drugs?

Paris: No.

Paris hasn’t changed at all. She still thinks we’re all stupid, and we should just believe whatever she says, but that’s not gonna happen. Below is a video of Paris smoking marijuana in Amsterdam, and if you click the link below you can also see Paris with her mushrooms. Paris talks about helping other people, but she can’t do that until she is honest with herself and the public. It’s not like her life is a secret.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THE STORY …

Jessica Simpson Looks Good, But Is Too Dumb to Remember Lyrics

Jessica Simpson has done it again.

The New York Daily News reports that she has botched another attempt to warble her hero’s big Eighties hit.

Jessica Simpson thought she’d try channeling Dolly Parton another time at the Stride gum party in L.A. at Teddy’s on Thursday night, but again messed up the words to "Nine to Five." Little sis Ashlee, who hosted, thankfully did not try to lip-sync.

You would think that Simpson, who is a singer (!!) and claims to idolize Parton, would either stop singing the song in public or make a real effort to learn the words.

It’s not even as if it’s the only Parton hit worth singing; she’s written almost 600 songs.

Jolene, I Will Always Love You, Islands In The [Effing] Stream for crying out loud!

Simpson could drag a drunken, non-English-speaking stranger from the audience to sing the Kenny Rogers parts and it would still be a better tribute to Dolly than this insistence on mangling 9 to 5.

Face it, Jess. They’re never going to remake the movie and cast you as Doralee.

Never.