Pamela Anderson (40) and Rick Salomon (38) are engaged, just got a marriage license, and may have gotten married already. Both have been married three times, and Rick’s last marriage was annulled. Pam recently announced she slept with Rick to settle a gambling debt. He could have found a hooker off the street who is better looking, and has fewer STDs, plus he’d only have paid about $20 or maybe $40 after factoring inflation. Rick is the guy who made the sex tape with Paris Hilton. Access Hollywood says:

Anderson and Salomon have known each other for 15 years, according to Pam, who noted the fact on her Web site blog, this past Thursday. In another posting –on September 26, Anderson wrote that her life was going well and hinted that romance was on the cards, though she did not claim it was with Salomon. “I’m in love,” she posted. “And my work is fun and creative. I’m healthy . . . I’m having the best time in my life.”

Pam’s friends say she keeps drinking despite having Hepatitis C, and her liver is begging for her to quit punching it like a punching bag. Sounds healthy. On her latest drinking binge she married Kid Rock, and had five weddings, then woke up in her vomit and divorced him. Pam and Rick are a perfect match. She’s got Hepatitis C, and he’s probably got herpes from Paris, so they both bring a disease into the relationship. I drew a diagram to show all the stars with STDs, and connected all the people they slept with, and kept going. When I was done the paper went from white to completely black, which is what your genitals will look like if you sleep with anyone from Hollywood.

Oktoberfest is kicking off in Germany, and they have already banned Paris Hilton from the event, but she showed up anyway. Here’s more:

Locals were outraged when the socialite, 26, arrived at the beer festival in plaits and traditional Bavarian dress to advertise a brand of canned wine. They accused organizers of selling out and making the event, which kicks off again this weekend, look shabby. Munich tourism chief Gabriele Weishaeupl announced yesterday that celebrity promotions “are completely prohibited by the new festival rules”.

In a way Paris didn’t break the rules, because she’s not really a celebrity, anymore. It’s hard to imagine that anyone could "cheapen" an event that consists of drinking, puking, sex in the bushes, and public urination, but organizers said she does, and they should know. I’m not surprised Paris showed up even though she was told to stay away, but I am surprised Paris was not hanging off OJ Simpson’s arm as he left jail in Las Vegas so she could get some face time with the cameras.

Paris is still trying to promote herself to saint status, so she wants to give away clothes to children’s charities. Here’s more:

"I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I’m going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children’s hospitals. I never wear something twice."

I don’t know many children that are 5’ 8" tall, and have a size 12 men’s shoe size. Kids with cancer get sick from bugs normal people don’t, so they might want to burn any clothes from Paris that have STD fluids on them, which means all of them.

Adrian Grenier was spotted making out with Paris Hilton in Las Vegas over the weekend, but he doesn’t want to admit he got past first base. Here’s more:

“Adrian is resistant because this is Paris Hilton,” says a spy. “She’s way more into him and was all over him. But he’s being good and hasn’t slept with her. They did make out, and Adrian felt that was too much.” Hilton’s rep insists that the two are “nothing more than friends.”

Sleeping with Paris is as bad as sleeping with Pamela Anderson, or taking a dip in a pool of toxic medical waste. Adrian is guaranteed to get herpes from Paris if she’s active, but don’t forget you can still get syphilis from oral sex, and anal sex is still sex no matter what your Catholic priest tells you. Only a true man whore would be tempted by a girl with a known contagious STD like Paris. Men usually understand when another man needs to wet his weenie, and the girl isn’t so hot, but no one can condone risking having Mr. weenie rot and fall off after doing Paris, especially when there are plenty of other tuna in the sea.