Lindsay Lohan’s Cleavage and Her Ankle Bracelet Make the Rounds

We can only tell that this is Lindsay Lohan and not Dina Lohan because we’ve seen other pictures of her in this dress. Which reminds us that we need to make a note, if you’re going to parade all over town, showing off the newest in scofflaw monitoring, you might want to think about shoes compatible with your anklet.

Is anyone else concerned about Firecrotch’s premature aging? She could easily pass for 35 and the "Coca-Cola" isn’t helping. You don’t really believe it’s just soda in that can, do you?

We know that the ankle bracelet is an alcohol-sensor thingee. But, c’mon, that thing is completely voluntary — a ploy conjured up to reassure the public and potential employers that Lindsay’s appearances at parties and whirlwind jaunts to Las Vegas in no way indicate that she isn’t serious about her sobriety.

She’s serious, see! She’s wearing an ankle bracelet!

Oh…you want to see the reports? Er…

Lindsay Lohan Doesn’t Want to Pay for Bottled Water

We never would have guessed that being sober would result in another opportunity to be "sponsored."

Lindsay Lohan’s no-go 21st birthday party in Las Vegas was notably going to be underwritten by a vodka company - controversial because the until-then underage alcoholic would be leaving rehab to attend.

According to the Gatecrasher, the Ginger is seeking another kind of patronage, this time for elements essential to her sobriety.

It’s H2O-a-go-go for the clean and sober Lindsay Lohan. Says a snitch: "A rep or assistant called Evian’s office on Tuesday, asking for free shipments of Evian to be delivered to Lindsay."

Let’s get this straight. The girl, who famously for smuggled contraband booze around in a water bottle when she was claiming to be sober, is looking for free Evian?

Will Evian bite? Maybe they can use it to start a new ad campaign.

What’s in YOUR Evian bottle?

And, Lindsay, is this some new 13th step to the AA process taught only at Promises?

"Profited from our addiction wherever possible and expected handouts at every turn."

Boyfriend Battles: Lindsay Lohan Choosing Hot Young Lamas Over Best

The latest Lindsay Lohan rumor to burn up the Internets is that the "boyfriend" she was talking about to the press recently wasn’t pre-rehab BF Calum Best, or even that guy she rode around the beach over the holiday.

Nope. Apparently neither of these fine young men have captured young Lohan’s sober heart.

Instead, she’s said to be dabbling with a little Latin love. Super smokin’ hot A.J. Lamas, son of famed heartthrob Lorenzo, is the only one Lohan has the loco eyes for.

It’s been reported that she’s ready to take things to the next level. What could that next level be? This is wild child Lindsay Lohan we’re talking about. What could they possibly do that they haven’t done yet? Crochet?

Even if it is crochet and bingo, you can’t blame A.J. for sticking around to see how it all ends. Catch the side-boob action at the beach party. Sassy and classy.

Lindsay Lohan’s Old Friends Don’t Like the New Fame Whore From Rehab

Page Six is reporting that Lindsay Lohan’s new rehab friend, the NYC check-pilferer Dori Cooperman, isn’t exactly being welcomed with open arms by the Firecrotch Faithful. They’re on to her plans and watching her maneuver to cement her relationship with her new BFF.

In all of the oceanfront photos and videos of Lohan’s party, one face keeps popping up: that of Cooperman, who extended her own rehab stay at Promises in a cheesy bid to befriend the center’s highest-profile resident, some of her New York pals say…

…Us Weekly will run the exclusive snaps in its next issue, Lohan’s rep confirmed. "Dori will be just thrilled to see her face in Us Weekly," sniped one partygoer. "Lindsay’s been warned about her. Right now, she’s being really nice and friendly to everybody, but everyone knows what Dori’s agenda is."

What exactly would the agenda be? Either Lohan is recovered or she isn’t.

So Cooperman either plans to scrap her own sobriety and ride the crazy coke-fueled train that is Lohan’s downward spiral to its inevitably tragic destination.

Or she’s already at work learning card games and scouting out the coolest Hollywood Bingo Parlors to frequent with her boring ginger-haired pal.

Dori, you little mailbox thief, has it really come to this?

Happy 21st Birthday to Lindsay Lohan

With rampant rumors that you’re fresh out of rehab, you have your whole life ahead of you.

First, Kudos on canceling the Vegas bash, you 12-step program rock star, you!

Our birthday wishes include hopes that you’ll remain on the straight and narrow and that you’re celebrating this milestone with friends who can support you in your sobriety.

One day at a time, so Linds, hon, try to stay away from the ‘rents until you’re truly, firmly in recovery.