Queen of Porn Jenna Jameson is hanging up her whips, chains, and black mamba vibrators. According to Us Magazine, her retirement will include other business pursuits, such as a Hollywood biopic, a comic book and a clothing line, which are due out next year. The next phase of her life also includes downsizing, as the adult film star had her breast implants removed a few weeks ago. She probably has to wear ankle weights just to keep from flying away.

Here is part of her interview with Us:

On why she had her implants removed:
“When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I’d wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?”

On how removing the implants changed her:
“Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”

On how she felt postsurgery:
“Ecstatic. The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn’t supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17.”

On whether she’s done with porn forever:
“Yes. A hundred percent.”

On who will play her in a movie about her life:
“I would love Scarlett Johansson to play me. I think Rachel McAdams is amazing, and Sienna Miller.”

On celebrating her one-year anniversary with boyfriend Tito:
“I had my surgery while he was in Iraq on a USO tour. He was so excited: ‘I’m coming home to brand new boobies.’”

I’m thinking that the mirror in Jenna’s home must be like one of those weird distorted circus mirrors that makes you look totally different than you actually appear. Scarlett Johansson, Rachel McAdams, and Sienna Miller? I mean, I’d like Angelina Jolie to play me in my biopic, but I’d also like a million dollars and Santa Claus to be real. But then I wake up.

I don’t know if being a whore is a requirement to be a celebrity, but it sure seems to help. I’m not even sure what Sienna Miller is famous for, except maybe sleeping with Sean Combs (Diddy). Sienna was flashing her boobs on the beach in Ibiza, Spain, and they look good. This brings me to a personal thought about genetic disabilities. Scientists are hoping that they may be able to cure some disease by turning some bad genes off, but other genes may be activated in the process. I wouldn’t mind if girls like Sienna were cured of a horrible disease, and in the process became genetically disabled so they could not stop themselves from walking around topless everywhere. Click the images above to see the NSFW pictures.

Lindsay Lohan bragged often that she would win an Academy Award, but it never happened. She also didn’t have any actress friends, not because they were jealous of her, but perhaps because she is jealous of them. Here’s more:

According to a former pal of the party girl, Lindsay "ranted and raved about her talent, claiming ’I’m the greatest actress in the world! No one’s even close to me right now!’" And then she proceeded to viciously slam a slew of young actresses, who she considered to be her competition. She said Scarlett Johansson is "ugly, fat, and has no talent." Jessica Simpson "can’t sing and is as dumb as (bleep)." Sienna Miller is a "no talent crackhead." Keira Knightly is a "flat, shallow, cardboard cutout of an actress." Jessica Biel is a "phony, scheming joke of an actress."

This sounds exactly like Lindsay. If Oscars were awarded for Best Actress in a Leading Role as a drug-addled, alcoholic (with or without a cute anklet), crazed, freckled, venereal diseased, sperm dumpster, she’s right…she WOULD be the greatest Actress in the world, but unfortunately she just a pathetic loser without a career. Wait a minute, she already had her shot playing that role in “I Know Who Killed Me,” that was just released, but she only proved that she can’t even act like herself. Next stop, Lifetime channel.

Puff Diddy. Dim Witty. Whatever his name is. If his "good friend" Sienna Miller can’t keep it straight, why should we be expected to stay informed?

The rapper/producer/designer/entrepreneur/baby daddy formerly known as Sean "Puffy" Combs has recorded a new song because he is suffering. According to Page Six:

SEAN Combs is mining his heartbreak for artistic purposes. Having been dumped by the mother of three of his children, Combs has cut a song titled "Through the Pain . . . a k a Kim Porter," and a video that debuted Thursday on "106 & Park" on BET. Hip-hop Web site Sohh.com reports Combs created the music video as a response to Porter’s appearance on CNN discussing their breakup. "This is how he’s coming back," the site says. "Basically it’s like, ‘You’re putting me through hell.’

Is he kidding? So much for symbolism and mystery.

This is the musical equivalent of those badly written tragedy books the publishers churn out to quickly profit from the 24-hour-news culture. Or those Law & Order episodes, ripped from the headlines.

If he’s going to milk this for sympathy and dollars, he’d appeal to more of the public by being more honest with his obvious song titles.

Kim Porter, I Know I Did(died) You Wrong, But Damn Girl That Sienna is Hot!

(My Baby Mama Just Had Twins) Meet Me Out for Some Cristal

Or, he could rip off…er…."sample" Lionel Richie and sing something like Once, Twice, Three Times, My Babies…But I’ll Never Marry You

Normally fashion-forward Sienna Miller took a giant step backward in these johnny-high-crotch shorts she was seen wearing while at NYC’s Whitney Museum of Art. Sienna–we love the other trends you’ve started, but please don’t bring camel toe back.