Reports say that Eva Longoria was in a sex tape. This same rumor was circulating last year. There’s nothing showing up yet, so I have my doubts. The Sun UK says:

Rumours have been rife on the web that the saucy video exists and contains intimate scenes featuring the Desperate Housewives beauty and her NBA star hubby TONY PARKER.

Latest reports from the States suggest the video HAS made its way online, but only on paid for sites.

This report might actually be a mix up with a report on Fox News about a 3 year-old girl who was molested, and the crime was captured on video tape. I can understand how this mix up could happen since Eva is only 2 feet tall, and weighs about 40 pounds. Even after Tony married Eva, friends, family, and reporters ask him which country he adopted that little foreign girl from. Once on Desperate Housewives Eva got sick, so they had a little girl from the onset daycare stand in for her. That little girl won an Oscar for that scene, accepted the award at the Oscars, and no one even noticed it wasn’t Eva.

Pamela Anderson (40) and Rick Salomon (38) are engaged, just got a marriage license, and may have gotten married already. Both have been married three times, and Rick’s last marriage was annulled. Pam recently announced she slept with Rick to settle a gambling debt. He could have found a hooker off the street who is better looking, and has fewer STDs, plus he’d only have paid about $20 or maybe $40 after factoring inflation. Rick is the guy who made the sex tape with Paris Hilton. Access Hollywood says:

Anderson and Salomon have known each other for 15 years, according to Pam, who noted the fact on her Web site blog, this past Thursday. In another posting –on September 26, Anderson wrote that her life was going well and hinted that romance was on the cards, though she did not claim it was with Salomon. “I’m in love,” she posted. “And my work is fun and creative. I’m healthy . . . I’m having the best time in my life.”

Pam’s friends say she keeps drinking despite having Hepatitis C, and her liver is begging for her to quit punching it like a punching bag. Sounds healthy. On her latest drinking binge she married Kid Rock, and had five weddings, then woke up in her vomit and divorced him. Pam and Rick are a perfect match. She’s got Hepatitis C, and he’s probably got herpes from Paris, so they both bring a disease into the relationship. I drew a diagram to show all the stars with STDs, and connected all the people they slept with, and kept going. When I was done the paper went from white to completely black, which is what your genitals will look like if you sleep with anyone from Hollywood.

Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards have been offered $1 million from Playboy to pose nude together. The Sun says:

"Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they’re seriously considering it." Pammi met Denise on the set of Blonde And Blonder last year, where they became friends.

Pam just payed off a gambling debt with sex, and now she’s engaged to the guy, and Denise is accusing ex Charlie Sheen of being a pedophile to try to get child support. They both are desperate for cash, and it’s not like they haven’t posed naked before. Thankfully Playboy uses photoshop, which can make an old hag look like a young hottie. Britney Spears reportedly offered to pose nude for Hugh Hefner, but he only offered her $400,000, or maybe Britney offered Hef the money. Britney’s bipolar personality confuses me. One minute her nipples are pointing North and South, and the next they’re laser beams causing planes to crash.

Milo Ventimiglia, who is rumored to be dating 18 year-old Hayden Panettiere, told the BBC:

“The other day in Paris I had these two young girls that just… couldn’t have been more than sixteen or seventeen years old just telling me I’m sexy. That was kind of bizarre. Very strange. To be a thirty year old man having a teenager say you’re sexy is like… thank you. I appreciate it? Thank you.’”

It’s bizarre and strange for a teenage girl to idolize a male celebrity? What is disturbing is that Milo pretends to be uncomfortable with the idea, but is video taped dry humping his 18 year-old Heroes co-star, who is only a year or two older than these teenage fans. Thirty year-old men often still think like they’re a teenager, but even though age is only in the mind, statutory rape isn’t. Love transcends everything, except age limits in the law. We know what you’re thinking Milo, despite the tinfoil hat you’re wearing. I hope Milo knows about that show To Catch a Predator, because I really don’t want to see him talking to Chris Hansen with his pants around his ankles.

The Canterbury Institute is illegally using Lindsay Lohan’s name in a "DON’T DIE LINDSAY!" ad to get attention. Right now they treat non-celebrities that don’t pay well, so they’d like to remedy that by attracting celebrities so they can jack up their rates. If you want to attract celebrities might I suggest offering massages, private rooms, condoms and lube, unsupervised day passes good for up to 3 days, and drug tests that are answered as a "yes" or "no" question to the rehab guest.

This weekend Lindsay will be leaving rehab. While in rehab she was caught having sex, and in possession of drugs. Plus, she was named in a divorce case for having an alleged affair with one of her fellow rehab mates, who happens to be married to a woman whose family is worth over $1 billion dollars. When she gets out I’m sure she’ll summarize rehab as "b-o-r-i-n-g."