We really wanted to entitle this post "Nicole Kidman, Fool, Was In A Rush to Marry After Escaping Her Unholy Union with Tom Cruise" but we feared that it might not be the best search-engine-appropriate headline.

And that we might spark the ire of an unnamed, wee-yet-litigious man.

Oh! And that we might sound too much like Mr. T.

So, the story, according to Page Six, is that Nicole Kidman reveals in her Vanity Fair interview that she was "secretly engaged" to a man she won’t name in between the end of her contract marriage to Mr. Tom Cruise and before she married Aussie country crooner Keith Urban.

But our sources say he was Lenny Kravitz. "They were even house-hunting together for a while," a spy said. A representative for Kravitz said, "I cannot confirm or deny it." A rep for Kidman said, "I don’t know."

So there you have it…unsubstantiated, yet highly likely…and not nearly as interesting as the picture on the cover.

Come on. Secretly engaged for a short time? That’s like being almost pregnant. Half the kids in school can claim that.

We kinda believed the many Jessica Simpson-is-dating-X-celeb stories were publicity stunts cooked up by Papa Joe to divert attention from her soon-to-be box-office bomb.

There were inklings that the romance rumors rearing up could be a reaction to the Nick Lachey, Vanessa Minnillo soft-core snaps that were making headlines.

But…now there is a picture. Sure, it’s not ironclad proof of the reported canoodling at the Prince show, but it’s interesting. More interesting than Dane Cook’s "comedy" and definitely more interesting than Jess’s "acting" or even her attempts at "singing."

We were actually surprised. This "exclusive" is apparently all about wearing the right clothes for your body, standing up straight, Spanx, etc.

Stars. Instant weight loss…

The first thing that popped into mind, after stylists of course, was crystal meth. Or maybe stylists AND crystal meth, the fastest route to sub-size-zero.

Next thing you know, the magazines are going to start telling us that the "secret" to weight loss is stop eating so much and get your ass in gear…and that, along with personal chefs, celebrity trainers, hours in the gym, and plastic surgery, is how the stars do it.

Hey! Wait a minute. That’s the Jessica Simpson story.

Well, if it’s true and if it was a secret…plan foiled.

Of course, all publicists involved deny the existence of any plans even remotely resembling this clandestine reunion/play date for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and presumably Shiloh. (Does Shiloh have her own publicist? If not, she should.)

Remember the uproar about Aniston’s last meeting with a member of the Pitt clan?

Yet, Star insists that sources "close to Brad" are reporting many details.

“He’s tried before to meet with Jen, but she’s said no. This time, she asked his mom, Jane, to come with her and Jane said she would. Jane loves Jen like a daughter and thinks this will be healing for both of them.”

Interesting tabloid tale. Why now?

Do we believe this? Not necessarily.

Do we believe that Angelina Jolie won’t consider this a threat to her only biological child and immediately commence with the killing?

No we don’t. We don’t believe it at all. She’s already declared war.

So we’re just going to steer clear of the undisclosed dining establishment.

We prefer to live, thank you.