Britney Spears lawyers filed an emergency motion requesting last week’s order to be modified to allow overnight visits with her children. Her lawyers urged Britney to actually show up for today’s hearing at 0830. Last night Kevin Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, released the following statement:

“The fact that a party, one week after a full court hearing, attempts to change the orders of the court, in the absence of an emergency or without any new facts, suggests a continued lack of respect and understanding for what an order of the court actually means.”

This morning Britney’s lawyers are arguing that Britney’s negative drug test is the new evidence needed to get her overnight visits. Britney is also asking for her mother to supervise the overnight visits. You might recall Britney gave her mother a letter telling her she may not be around Sean and Jayden when she is on drugs or alcohol, which means Britney knows her own mother has substance abuse problems. This makes sense to Britney. It’s kind of like a fox watching another fox, watch a hen house. You see foxes eat hens which are chickens, so a fox would not be the right choice to be sure another fox doesn’t eat the chickens. Federline and his attorneys oppose this suggestion, because Federline is not the idiot Britney thinks he is.

Britney didn’t help pursuade the judge since she didn’t show up for the hearing. Obviously her kids mean nothing everything to her, or maybe I mean her dog. Britney’s excuse is that she is suffering from insomnia. She just filled a sleeping pill prescription last night, and slept-in today. Now she sounds like Michael Jackson’s court appearance in pajamas. The judge did not modify the original order, but he did tell the attorneys to come up with a solution if they can, so they are currently in the hall hashing it out.

As for Kevin’s parenting skills, well let’s just say he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. Britney, Kevin, Sean Preston, and Jayden James, all have pink eye.

Britney was finger printed and had her mug shot taken the other day for her hit-and-run charge. I heard she looks just like Nick Nolte in it.

You’ve probably been wondering what that set of images at the top is all about, and why it’s censored. Well, Britney’s vagina decided to make another appearance when she exited the car in another mini dress with no panties. Enjoy the NSFW crotch shot collage here. There’s a bigger close up NSFW shot here. There’s an even better close up NSFW shot here.

Update: Britney’s lawyer tried to excuse Britney’s absence from today’s emergency hearing she asked for:

She was planning to attend the hearing, and she didn’t want the hassle of wading through media at the courthouse.

Her lawyer must not be aware that Britney filled a prescription for, and took sleeping pills last night. Sleeping pills are legal drugs, so her drug test would still be negative for illegal substances and alcohol. Isn’t it ironic that Britney will "wade" through swarms of paparazzi every day, but won’t do it to try to see her kids. If Britney ran out of cigarettes, and the judge had the only pack left in Los Angeles in his hand, Britney would magically appear behind him, snatching the cigarettes from his hand before he even felt her breath on his neck.

Britney also didn’t show up for dancer auditions for her new "video and tour"? A source said:

"Over 50 girls waited for her to show this morning — for over an hour."

No one is more important that Britney. Not dancers, not the judge, not even her kids.

Britney Spears missed her drug and alcohol tests, and so far she hasn’t submitted to any. The judge ruled that her current misses don’t count against her, but future missed tests will be interpreted as positive (meaning she’s on drugs or alcohol). That’s sounds incriminating enough, but this isn’t fair because she’s just an upset mom who misses her kids. Right? Well … Britney also missed her first visitation with Sean Preston and Jayden James because she didn’t answer the intercom at the front gate. Life and Style reports Britney’s excuse:

“Brit didn’t realize the intercom wasn’t working. She begged them to bring the boys back. But they wouldn’t. She was devastated that they wouldn’t turn around.”

She was sleeping off her Starbucks hang over. You can bet Britney would have been at the front gate in a second, and running down the street, if an ice cream truck had driven by playing their funky ice cream music.

So what happened with those drug tests? E! Online reports:

Sources close to the proceedings told the Los Angeles Times that Spears’ assistant twice informed the testing lab that her boss was asleep and then on another occasion told the technicians that Spears would be unavailable to take a test at home.

All the fat in those Starbucks drinks make Britney sleep like a bear during its winter hibernation. She even avoided a home test. Looks like she’s still on drugs and alcohol, otherwise, she’d have nothing to hide. Just lure her out with the ice cream truck, then tell her no ice cream till she goes pee in the cup.

Britney Spears got her interim California driver’s license this week, so a judge gave her limited supervised visitation with Sean Preston and Jayden James. The judge made the decision for Kevin Federline to retain physical custody in a three hour hearing. Most hearings only last 15 to 20 minutes max. Celebrity justice. To show the judge how much she cares about her two little boys Britney did not show up for the hearing. The judge ordered her to attend the next hearing on October 26. Federline was in court. Right now Britney is living in a Beverly Hills hotel for reasons unknown. Maybe because she’s on a Starbucks diet. I can see the pounds melting off her already. No wait, that’s a drop of water that hit my monitor. The rumors that Britney went to rehab are all untrue. Why would she think she needs help, when she thinks she’s already perfect.

There is some good news for Britney. Her single Gimme More is Number 1 for downloads on Billboard’s Hot Digital Songs chart, and rose from number 68 to number 3 on Billboard’s Hot 100. The Gimme More music video will premiere Monday on MTV and VH1. However, you can see Britney shake her SUV sized booty right now, since the Gimme More music video just became available to download on iTunes tonight. Click here to download it. Hurry up, Britney doesn’t like to be kept waiting.

Britney Spears was so upset at losing physical custody yesterday of Sean Preston and Jayden James, after she turned them over to Kevin Federline’s bodyguard, she drove straight to Epitome, her favorite Bel Air tanning salon. Afterwards she checked in to the Peninsula Hotel. As she checked in a photographer knocked down a security guard, and while waiting for the police, more paparazzi fought each other. Britney then headed to the Van Nuys, California DMV, but was not issued a license. If the smile on Britney’s face is any indication of how she feels about losing her kids, she should be shopping, tanning, and clubbing nonstop. I haven’t seen her this happy since she found out Starbucks puts extra heavy whipped cream on everything she orders. Britney still faces charges of hit-and-run which carry up to one year in jail. Somehow Britney sees things as if she is Alice in Wonderland, where the paparazzi are the Queen of Hearts and her minions, the judge is the fat cat, and clubs are places where she can have spiked tea with her friends.

You literally heard it here first. That headline was an omen of what was to come. Today it’s official. Britney Spears was ordered by a Los Angeles court to turn over physical custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James to their father Kevin Federline. TMZ reports:

L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon issued an order today, stating that Kevin Federline, the boys’ father, "is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court."

Judge Gordon had ordered Spears to undergo random drug testing and take parenting classes. Sources say Federline’s powerhouse lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan (left), raised the issue that Spears was driving without a valid California driver’s license…

… Spears took the kids to the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. at 12:02 this afternoon and surrendered the kids to K-Fed’s bodyguard three minutes later.

A source connected with the case says Spears was not focusing on the judge’s order last month, and she may not have attended the parenting classes or performed the required drug and alcohol testing.

Britney really earned this decision, so she can call it her own. The only surprise is that the judge didn’t turn the kids over to Federline a lot sooner. Only Britney would take the kids through the Carl’s Jr. drive-thru before turning them over. She probably only got herself something, cause momma hungry, momma gotta eat, baby no cry, make momma mad. Last week Britney cried as she left her first drug test. It’s possible she failed the test. Kevin’s lawyer pointed out that Britney has been charged with hit-and-run, plus driving without a valid license. Click here to see video of the accident. She filled out part of the paperwork at the DMV, but never completed it, so she has no license, and has been driving despite the charges, even on the day she turned the kids over.

Picture row 1: Over the weekend, Britney went out for Greek food at Taverna Toni in Malibu, but is too lazy to carry even one of her two kids she brought there. Do kids like Greek food?

Picture row 2: Pictures of Britney smashed white Mercedes which was obviously in an another car accident, after her black one which was involved in the hit-and-run accident. A second accident even though she shouldn’t even be driving.

Picture row 3 and 4: Over the weekend Britney went out for Mexican food, and looks like she may have brought a margarita home with her. Open alcohol containers are illegal in cars. Perhaps the judge saw these pictures too.

Picture row 5: Over the weekend, Britney takes her dog to Starbucks. Where are the kids?

Picture row 6 and 7: Last night about midnight Britney runs out of gas a second time, and the paparazzi have to fill’er up, again. Then she shops at Ralph’s. What is she doing out at midnight when she has the kids at home for the weekend?

The judge probably knows about all of this, and is finally, I mean FINALLY forcing Britney to be responsible for her actions. Don’t forget about Britney’s former bodyguard who submitted a declaration about Britney’s bad behavior. She was even banned from the Chateau Marmont for smearing food all over her face. What is it going to take for Britney to start acting like an adult? The judge is her daddy now, and he’s finally showing Britney some tough love. First Britney lost her car keys, then her husband, then her mind, and now her kids.