The Internets are ablaze this morning with theories explaining Britney’s wooden performance last night.

Photographic evidence of a glittering broken heel is being touted as the reason Brit appeared to stiffly walk through the number, barely moving her hips.

X17 is reporting that Britney Spears was suffering an impediment of a more emotional nature:

A source tells X17 Brit found out about Sarah Silverman’s crappy line about Britney’s babies just moments before she took the stage to perform "Gimme More."

Needless to say, Britney was PISSED! … as any mom would be. Britney was so upset she walked through her performance just to get it over with (despite encouragement from her friends, including Sam who was apparently yelling at Sarah backstage) to skip out on it all together).

She held up her end of the bargain and got a major slap in the face from Sarah.

We’re sure other excuses for Brit-Brit’s uncomfortable-looking routine will continue to pop up today.

We’d like to float our own theory that Britney had her Cheetos power snack way too close to curtain call.

You simply cannot shake your money maker with real feeling when you’re still digesting such cheese-flavored goodness.

Even if you do somehow get the orange stains off your hands in time.

Jimmy Kimmel underwent an emergency appendectomy last night and according to TMZ:

…though the surgery was successful, all tapings of "Jimmy Kimmel Live" have been canceled until Kimmel recovers.
His rep tells us that Jimmy "is resting comfortably and is looking forward to getting back to work."

There are going to jokes people. Oh, how they will joke.

Sarah Silverman has first dibs.

Paris Hilton was embarrassed at the MTV awards the other night (see video here) by Sarah Silverman. Get your sleeping pill ready and brace yourself, because Paris can’t take a joke. I was so shocked myself. After being humiliated by Sarah, Paris said,

"She’s a f_ _ king b_tch. I hate her."

Paris can blame Sarah all she wants, but what about the thousands of other real stars in the crowd that laughed themselves sick? Sarah is my new hero. I heard she can run faster than a speeding train, leap over tall buildings, and catch a bullet in her teeth too.

Before entering jail Paris Hilton DID have to undergo a body cavity search as part of the booking process at the jail. I hope the guard who did the search triple gloved, and washed her hands in gasoline, because she’s likely to have caught some sort of horrible disease that makes T.B. Andy’s look like a mild cold.


Dr. Charles Sophy, the Beverly Hills therapist who has been treating Paris for the past eight months, entered the jail with Hilton’s lawyer, Richard A. Hutton, Tuesday and stayed for about two hours. Those are the only visitors Paris has had so far. Only professionals are allowed to see inmates during the week; visiting hours for family and friends begin on the weekend.

A source says, "Paris cries all day. She looks unwashed, she has no makeup and her hair is tangled. She cried audibly through the first two nights."

If they did a live televised a video feed following every moment of Paris’ incarceration it would probably break most watched records. People would probably forget to eat, or sleep, or even go to work. There might even be world peace, and if that happened the President would have to Pardon her, and the Pope would make her a saint.

It’s a really good night when Sarah Silverman talks about famous vaginas, bashes drug addict Lindsay Lohan, and bashes drunk driver and drug addict Paris Hilton who the camera kept going to so we could all see her sour puss as she reacted to Sarah’s bashing while the audience cheered. Paris is now the clown of tinsel town. Oh, and she mentioned Cisco Adler’s balls. Click here to see them.