Alec Baldwin stole the show at the all women Elle Magazine 16th annual Women in Hollywood Awards. Baldwin had the ladies laughing during his entire bit, he said:

"I want to assure you that I didn’t steal this role from a more qualified woman. There was an audition process. The audition required me to move a couch, fall asleep in front of the TV, and open a particularly stubborn jar of pickles… If Tom Cruise would simply lower his quote by a mere $29 million, my salary would not make a difference. My annual salary is the budget for Altoids on one of Tom’s movies."

Alec poked fun at skinny actresses saying:

"Movie actresses are so skinny if I had a love scene I would crush them."

About Renee Zellweger he said:

"She is so tiny, but she’s got a big voice. I’ve been to parties with her and you can hear her voice anywhere, but you can’t understand a word she says."

No one was left spared:

"Tonight the job goes to Julie Andrews. You have three choices: You can follow Robert Pattinson into the men’s room, rush the stage during a Taylor Swift concert and tell her how great Henry Mancini is, or to publicize the Blu-Ray release of The Sound of Music, or you can release one of your own grandchildren in a balloon into the air."

Lindsay Lohan made an appearance, too, as the butt of a Baldwin joke about how DreamWorks executive Jeffrey Katzenberg is one of most powerful men in show business.

"Even more than Lindsay Lohan’s psychiatrist."

In case you’re wondering why Baldwin would take a job of hosting a women’s event, he will work anywhere he can earn a paycheck, even as a Fox News contributor, if they’d pay him for appearing.

Renee Zellweger played J.K. Rowling on a special Harry Potter episode of Tracey Ullman’s State of the Union.

J.K. Rowling is suing a lot of people who she accuses of stealing her work. As if Rowling hasn’t made enough money yet. Every penny off Potter must be hers. Bwahahaha!

Renee Zellweger and George Clooney used to bang each other silly, and now they are gracing the December issue of W magazine. What a boring cover. Couldn’t they have had them get naked and spray each other with water hoses or something? Is George lifting a lock of Renee’s hair up because he’s afraid to put his arm around her?

Renee Zellweger has done a lot of movies we love like Jerry Maguire, Bridget Jones’ Diary, Cold Mountain, and Chicago, but then there’s her hair. Some girls can pull off the short look, and some can’t. Renee attended the New York City premiere of her new movie with Jerry Seinfeld called Bee Movie last night. Renee moved from Los Angeles to New York because she says the paparazzi would not leave her alone. She said:

“I don’t need to be in the eye of the storm. I love acting, I really do love it, but I have a very hard time. It’s a strange thing to call a job. I wasn’t really into being followed around everywhere by six guys with two-way radios. There’s this whole network. You start to recognize them and it’s like, you’re not invited. I have a fitting, then I have to go meet this director to discuss the next project, then I have an interview, and I’m going to go for a run, and you’re not invited, but they’ll come with you all day. I don’t want to feed the fishes. I also don’t want to be one of those people who are sour about it. So I decided I’d just leave.”

Fun fact: In Los Angeles the weather is always perfect, so the paparazzi can follow around celebrities day and night, and 365 days a year. Movie studios moved from New York to Hollywood, California for the perfect weather, so they could film movies 365 days a year.

Fun Fact 2: Renee in short hair has fulfilled the fantasy of a lot of lesbians.

In "That Ain’t Right" news, Renee Zellweger and Paul McCartney were seen enjoying each other’s company at the Tom Petty Show in the Hamptons. MSN reports:

Although his acrimonious divorce from Heather Mills is not yet finalized, Paul McCartney appears to be getting by with a little help from his friends — his famous, pretty blond friends.

The New York Daily News reports the pop icon, 65, enjoyed a tête-à-tête with Renée Zellweger, 38, at a Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers concert Saturday night in the Hamptons.

The weedy if freakishly muscular Oscar winner, who has a well-documented soft spot for musical men (see her "fraud"-annulled marriage to Kenny Chesney and onetime romance with Jack White), "smiled, laughed and hung on [McCartney's] every word," according to the paper, which snapped the pair amiably chatting.

However, a "mole" says that the idea of a romance between the two facially challenged people is just not so.

"I don’t believe there’s anything between them," the mole tells the paper. "He was sitting with Amy Poehler and her husband, and [Renee] was with two friends and left 15 minutes after he did."

This is a relief, as the only bi-product from this relationship would be a child that looks like the kid from "Mask."