The AP has a good one this Friday morning. It’s a tale of an innocent, altruistic college student whose new cell phone has Paris Hilton’s old cell phone number.

As one might expect, dead-of-night hilarity has ensued.

For months, Shira Barlow’s cell phone was flooded with wrong-number calls and text messages, mostly between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends. Told they had reached a college student, callers refused to believe it.

"Baby girl, how are you?" one man purred in a foreign accent. "Why are you doing this?" a woman asked. "This is so rude." And there were several seemingly random references to "Paris."

Besides the expected where’s-the-party calls, Hilton’s old phone number has been the destination of supportive messages.

Then came the day Hilton was sentenced to jail after violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. Messages about parties were replaced by dozens expressing condolences.

"People were scared for her," Barlow said.

The phone traffic trailed off when Hilton entered jail last month. But when Hilton was released, a new crop of messages flooded in.

"It’s disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything," one wrote.

Barlow said she has resisted the temptation to pose as Hilton to get into exclusive parties. But she did message supporters "thanks so much," believing Hilton would appreciate it.

It’s situations like this that unlimited-text-message plans were born for. What a nice girl that Barlow, sending messages of gratefulness on Hilton’s behalf.

The new-and-improved post-jail Paris would likely return the favor if the tables were turned.

You! Stop the snickering.

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Sure, the color is nice, but this full-length, shiny, blue polka-dot dress looks out of place in the afternoon light.

Jessica Simpson was out and about with hairdresser Ken Paves, so we’ll assume she was in for a really fabulous evening to take her mind off things.

See, Papa Joe has pushed back the release of Simpson’s movie "Blonde Ambition"…again.

Rumors are swirling that it’s being delayed because it’s tres terrible.

Of course, the delay of the box-office stinker doesn’t explain her covering her belly with that garish handbag. Isn’t Simpson supposedly in the best shape of her life?

Honey, if you feel like you need to cover your stomach after everything you’ve been doing, the problem isn’t your bod.

It’s the shiny, unflattering dress. Ditch it!

Ditto for the not-so-shiny, unflattering films.

People magazine has released excerpts of their Paris Hilton "exclusive" cover story.

Delusional Paris quotes from the article include this assessment of her own character:

"I’m a good person. I’m a compassionate person. I have a big heart. I’m sincere, and they’ll see."

Her description of the "medical condition" that resulted in her short-lived re-assignment to home detention:

"I was basically in the fetal position, basically in hysterics … and having severe anxiety and panic attacks."

And an explanation for her rapid jailhouse conversion, and a heart-warming recollection of her social life in the big house:

"There was a nun who works at the jail for all the ladies, and she would come every day and we would pray," she said. "There were girls next to me. … We could talk through the vents and they were just really sweet."

That poor devoted Sister. All that work with the convicts and daily reading of the Word for three-and-a-half weeks, yet Paris couldn’t think of one favorite Bible passage for Larry King last night.

Trying to help Paris during that uncomfortable pause, we feebly shouted a suggestion to the TV screen.

Jesus wept! Jesus wept!

Jesus wept, indeed.

One tab shuns her, another puts her on the cover in an "exclusive."

People wasted no time getting Paris Hilton photographed and interviewed. It’s reported that Paris sat for the photo shoot Tuesday, mere hours after being released from the pokey.

You’ve got to think that the interview with Larry King tonight will take some of the wind out of the "exclusive" — which will hit newsstands over the next few days.

Prepare for the onslaught. Waves and waves of coverage of every baby-voiced utterance regarding her time in the big house are on their way.

As you know, Paris Hilton is scheduled to shed some crocodile tears on Larry King Live tomorrow.

Don’t worry too much if your Tivo stages a revolt and refuses to tape it.

Though Barbara Walters won’t deign to interview her, behold the Paris Penance Tour! You’ll have ample opportunity to witness her declarations of conversion behind bars.

Paris was released around midnight Monday, a touch of makeup on her face. A little blush, some lip gloss, but not that awful eyeliner she often wears.

Paris was clearly feeling good and had a big smile for everyone.

Parents Rick and Kathy Hilton picked their baby up at Lynwood and took her home to their place in a big SUV, trailed by ecstatic paparazzi.

So, the neighbors of Chez Paris had at least one more night of quiet.

That’s it for now. Surely she’ll release a statement when she gets up this morning.