Gloria Allred went to court this morning with a direct request to add her client to a list of witnesses in the Britney Spears and Kevin Federline custody case. Gloria requested her client’s identity be kept secret. He is said to have worked with Britney right after she got out of rehab. The judge said he would only consider the witness if he revealed his identity and filed a written declaration.

Why is everyone so afraid of Britney, besides the fact she’s strong as an ox, has more moves than Jet Li, and is craaazy. I think it’s kinda cute when Britney puts on that Jason mask from Halloween, and chases everyone with a knife.

As many sources have reported, Amy Winehouse has added September’s Video Music Awards in Las Vegas to the list of obligations she’s balking on in an effort to work out her health issues. However, as MSN is reporting, because her husband, Blake, is shunning rehab as a means to recovery, she is shunning it as well.

Winehouse, who claimed to Perez Hilton that her tussle with her equally willpower-deficient spouse was touched off because he tried to stop her from cutting herself, is convinced she "can’t beat the drugs without him."

She avows, "He’s my rock and as a married couple we need to go through everything together. Blake says he isn’t going back to rehab — but I can if I want. But I’m not going without him."

Apparently, going on holiday at a swanky resort is their attempt at staying off the crack pipe. On the bright side, it does look like she’s bucked the British tradition of not shaving. On the down side, she apparently walks through sewage without washing her feet.

It’s reassuring to know that the Los Angeles District Attorney threw out cocaine charges, and recommended the judge give Lindsay Lohan only 1 day in jail for 2 DUIs. Now Female First says she was caught with drugs at Cirque Lodge rehab, much like she was rumored to be high while at Promises rehab, and they forced her to take a drug test, which she failed. A source said:

"Lindsay got called into the director’s office on August 15 and was questioned about drugs. When ordered to take a drug test, she reluctantly complied but screamed and cursed at the medical director before storming out the room. She was told that if she couldn’t conform to the program she’d have to leave."

ShowbizSpy says she was caught having sex in the bathroom:

“Staff were alerted to the bathroom because there were strange noises coming from inside and two voices could be heard,” a source says. “When they opened the door, Lindsay was in a compromising position with the guy – who’s also at Cirque for drug rehab.”

“Rumors spread like wildfire across the place that they’d been having sex. When staff found them they were all flustered and Lindsay’s hair was all over the shop,” the source adds. “She was livid that she was given the miserable task of cleaning the bathrooms so the theory was she’d do something really dirty in there.”

Is anyone really surprised? Lindsay considers sex, drugs, and alcohol, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Obviously, she can’t live without them.

Michael Lohan will be visiting his daughter Lindsay Lohan at Cirque Lodge rehabilitation center in Utah. This will be the first time in years they’ve seen each other. Dina Lohan agreed to drop a restraining order against Michael so he could see Lindsay. Counselors will be present during the visit, which is meant to help Lindsay face her past. Michael is also a recovering alcoholic. Michael is rumored to be getting a reality TV show of his own soon, so he might just try to sneak in a camera crew. It’s hard to say how helpful it will be when Michael sees Lindsay’s chest and exclaims, "dang, my girl is all grown up," and Lindsay starts her pole dancing routine just for daddy.

Lindsay Lohan has struck a deal by pleading no contest to two counts of DUI and will serve 10 days community service and one day in jail (the minimum sentence of four days was cut in half by the judge, and she was also credited one day for the time served when she was arrested). Lindsay also pleaded guilty to two counts of being under the influence of a controlled substance and pled no contest to reckless driving. The judge ordered Lindsay to serve 36 months probation and attend an alcohol education program for 18 months, as well as enroll in a drug program and "not to associate with people with controlled substances." For her 2 DUIs, 2 counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident, and recklessly trying to run down someone down with her car, Lindsay will serve 1 day in jail. She could check in at midnight and check out right after midnight, so she could spend less time in jail than Nicole Richie. In what amounts to another crappy acting job Lindsay issued the following statement:

"It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am ashamed. I broke the law, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than myself. I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so."

As for Lindsay’s father Michael Lohan, here’s what the judge told him when he got a DUI:

Michael Lohan Lohan, 45, had been driving with a suspended or revoked license and had a blood-alcohol level nearly double the legal limit, Watson said. He pleaded guilty Friday to the reduced charge of driving while impaired.

The judge rejected a request by Lohan’s lawyers that he be sentenced to an alcohol rehabilitation program instead of prison.

Daddy served about 2 years in prison, while his little girl gets 1 day for far more charges. This will no doubt improve their father-daughter relationship. Lindsay is following in Daddy’s footsteps. Ali just snuck out of the house and got into a car wreck herself. When is it gonna be Dina’s turn? Soon I hope. The judge ordered Lindsay to "not to associate with people with controlled substances." He should have added "and your mother." Addicts and alcoholics don’t stop until they hit a low point, and 1 day in jail plus nature walks at a rehab center in Utah doesn’t seem like a low point. We’ll be seeing Lindsay again with a new mug shot, and rehashed excuses.

Looking to score points with Lindsay, Michael Lohan issued this statement after Lindsay’s plea deal was announced:

“I am overjoyed that the system sees that Lindsay is getting the help she needed by putting her best foot forward and by going to rehab. I think between her attorney, Blair Berk, and her therapists at Cirque Lodge, she’s around people that care about her best welfare and Lindsay as a human being. I just hope I can be part of the right path she is on.”

Does anyone honestly believe that Michael thinks Lindsay’s sentence was fair, just, or helpful to her? If he cared about her then he would have said something like, “she needs to do some hard time, so she can face some hard realizations, and turn her life around because she’s hit rock bottom.” Instead he just kissed her butt because he loves her money more than his daughter, just like everyone else around her. With these people around Lindsay she could be dead before the year is out, and her family will be making money off book deals, movie deals, and endorsements to use her name. Not even Captain America can help Lindsay now, because he’s dead. Remember?

Not to be outdone, and to continue enabling her little girl, Dina Lohan has issued the following statement this evening also:

“My children and I are in a wonderful place in our lives, and people just want to make things up and see us fail!”

Does this statement smack of someone out-of-touch with reality? No one made up the charges, or the plea deal, or the 1 day in jail sentence. Dina should be down on her knees begging the public for forgiveness for being the type of parent that has been pictured doing alcohol and drugs with Lindsay, and messing up her kid’s lives. She doesn’t have to worry about failing. Dina has already failed as a parent. The last 5 movies Lindsay did have failed. Her last 2 trips to rehab failed. Lindsay failed to stay clean after her first DUI, and got a second in record time. Now Lindsay has failed to keep herself from making her father’s mistake of becoming an ex-con. Don’t forget 13 year-old Ali Lohan just got into a car wreck herself. Is this the “wonderful place in our lives” Dina is talking about?