Britney Spears Takes First Drug Test

Britney Spears’ former bodyguard Tony Barretto says she overdosed on drugs after rehab in a hotel room with Howie Day. Tony adds, she has mental problems that get worse when she drinks and does drugs. He also alleges Britney did drugs in front of the kids. Here’s more:

When she nearly overdosed…"She was in a terrible state, just sweating and shaking. Her pupils were huge- we thought she was dying. Before I even started working for her, I was warned about her stripping," he says. "I must have seen her naked dozens of times and each time I’ve been extremely embarrassed. She strips off anywhere — at home, recording studios and clubs."

Britney cried a river of tears on the first day she had to submit for drug testing, which didn’t help. The lab staff said she had to submit a urine test, because they don’t accept tears.

Richie Sambora in Rehab with Lindsay Lohan

On Monday Richie Sambora (48) joined Lindsay Lohan in rehab at the Cirque Lodge in Utah. In June Sambora was admitted to the UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles after a his split with then fellow cheater Denise Richards. At the time he said "I was just drinking too much, and I needed to get my life together."

At the Cirque Lodge in Utah Sambora hopes to find one of these three things:

- A new girlfriend
- A new piece of a$$
- A new drinking buddy

Lindsay Lohan Wrecks Another Home

Tony Allen, the frontman for Dead Stays Alive, was the bandana wearing dude with the permagrin that had sex in a bathroom at Cirque Lodge rehab with Lindsay Lohan. Here’s more:

Stephanie Allen - the mother of Tony’s eight-month-old twins Blake and Lakeland - has been left devastated by the claims and has kicked her husband out of their Georgia home. A friend told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper: "She’s had it, period. They tried forever to have kids. She went through IVF three times and suffered two miscarriages, and when they finally got two beautiful babies, he hooks up in rehab with a girl half his age. "He is trying to live out this rock star fantasy at 40. All Stephanie wanted was for him to be a good husband and father."

Tony’s friends told his wife:

Recent reports claim Tony boasted to friends about his affair: "Come on, it’s Lindsay Lohan. Hell, yes! Wouldn’t you?"

Here’s what Tony told his wife:

However, 39-year-old Tony - who fronts US band Dead Stays Alive - claims his relationship with Lindsay is purely platonic.

High fives all around for Tony. How many 39 year-olds can say they banged a movie star half their age in the bathroom. Let me explain my support for Tony. Women are offered sex since the time they hit puberty. Women are used to saying no to sex. Anytime a woman wants sex she can get it. Men might get sex by taking women out for dinner and a movie, paying for it, or begging for it. Some men learn to have sex by watching the neighborhood dogs. One lesson I learned was never let go of a girl’s leg no matter how hard she tries to shake you off. When a woman like Lindsay suddenly says, "do me now," men just drop their pants and get to work. The wife, Stephanie, is jealous. After all her husband is in rehab because he’s a drug addict, and yet she says he’s "a good husband and father." When she wanted babies he dropped his pants and went to work, but now suddenly he’s a bad guy for doing what she married him for.

Michael Lohan Says Lindsay Will Leave Hollywood

Michael Lohan wasted no time selling a story about his visit with Lindsay Lohan in her Utah rehab. Here’s more:

Michael said, "As soon as I arrived Lindsay rushed into my arms, then curled up on my lap and sobbed like a baby." Then, between snivels, she promised to QUIT films, LEAVE Hollywood and DUMP bad boy lover Calum Best in a desperate bid to stay clean. She said she does not want to live in Hollywood as that is where this evil in her life happens." "She said, ‘I hate Hollywood and I don’t want to work there. I need a break and I am moving away’."

Vowing to steer clear of sex and drug addict Calum, Lindsay added: "I will stop hanging round with people who are bad for me’."

I suppose Michael also wants me to believe Lions are going to quit eating meat, fish will start living on land, and monkeys can’t drive cars. When I close my eyes and count to three Michael will disappear. 1 … 2 … 3. Dang it, he’s still there.

Owen Wilson Refuses Rehab Hires Sober Friend

Owen Wilson’s family has begged him to go to rehab, but he said, "no no no." He’s already been in rehab twice before, and it didn’t work, so this time Owen decided to hire a sober companion at $750 per day according to In Touch Weekly. The companion will also travel with him on a planned trip.

I hope this sober friend is a pot-bellied truck driver from Utah. What he really needs is a hot Playboy bunny girlfriend that is allergic to drugs and alcohol, and can’t stand guys that do that stuff. I’ve got a feeling that Owen loves women more than drugs. Sometimes I get these feelings and start writing down numbers that turn out to be the winning lottery numbers. My friends say I’m psychic, and want me to get them all rich, but I only seem to be able to write down the numbers for lotteries that have already happened.