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Lindsay Lohan Checks Out of Rehab

Lindsay Lohan checked herself out of the Cirque Lodge Treatment Center in Utah where she has been a patient since August 6, and may not being going back after her dental work as previously reported. Her father Michael Lohan is now at her side 24/7. I’m getting word that he even washes her back in the shower, in a very master servant sort of way. Dina Lohan is um, well, ah, no where to be seen, and hasn’t been seen since Lindsay checked into the Utah rehab. It’s unclear if Utah doesn’t have enough alcohol to support Dina’s partying, or if Lindsay is cutting out all the bad influences out of her life, including her enablers like Dina, so she doesn’t lose her career entirely. People says:

"She’s finished the program," one source says. "Lindsay is done, but she may come back for outpatient treatment. She over-extended her stay because she wanted to. She could have been out awhile ago, but she chose to stay."

Lohan was photographed Friday afternoon with her father Michael, who carried her suitcases, leaving Cirque Lodge. And Lohan is already gearing up for her return to work: A source says she has plans to start filming her tango-themed movie, "Dare to Love Me", in Los Angeles on Oct. 15. Plus, says the source, despite reports suggesting Lindsay is an insurance liability for film studios, Lohan has been insured for this film.

Lindsay knows this is her last chance to get herself together and stay in one piece. They gave her insurance to do the movie, and that’s the sign Hollywood wants her to succeed, as do we all. In the last few years Lindsay hasn’t done a single movie that has been a hit, and I won’t be seeing her new movie unless this "tango-themed movie" gets an X-rating, shows Lindsay in some sort of hardcore sex, and includes clowns and a pony, or just unicorns, because unicorns are sort of a walking phallic symbol.

Lindsay Lohan Leaves Rehab with Her Dad

Reports said Lindsay Lohan would leave rehab for a week long retreat with her father Michael Lohan, but she probably has to check-in and sleep at rehab during the night. If Lindsay left for a week with her dad, she’d probably end up strung out on drugs in a hotel like Robert Downey Jr. Dina would probably be there too. She doesn’t like to be left out when there is partying to do. Lindsay’s nick name in rehab is the dark lord, named after the Dark Lord Darth Vader, because her voice is so hoarse from smoking and drinking. That’s going to come in handy on Halloween. Take a close look at the pictures below, and you’ll see someone Denise Richards knows intimately, who recently checked into rehab in Utah with Linday, it’s … Richie Sambora. Click here to see Richie up close. Reports say Lindsay will go back to Los Angeles for dental work then return to the Utah rehab center. Why not see a dentist in Utah? Do they only have horse doctors in Utah or something? Maybe the dentist can fix it so Lindsay can sound like a girl again.

Lindsay Lohan May Extend Rehab Stay Again

Reports earlier this week claimed Lindsay Lohan would be released from the Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Utah as soon as this weekend. Dina Lohan contacted Access Hollywood telling them Lindsay will be staying in Utah, for now. It’s hard to know if Dina even knows since she always seems like she’s drunk. When she wakes up she probably has to clear away the beer cans to hit the snooze button. With a mom like Dina there’s little doubt Lindsay will stay clean and sober after her third trip to rehab. Hollywood can hardly wait to get Lindsay back. Every movies she’s made since Herbie Fully Loaded has bombed, and her music isn’t going to get any better with that raspy voice from cigarettes and alcohol. Nothing can stop her now. In the words of the queen of enablers Dina Lohan:

"As far as Lindsay’s health is concerned, she’s fine and she is back on set…. She will win an Academy Award for this picture… Justice!"

Lindsay Lohan is Not Dead - Yet

The Canterbury Institute is illegally using Lindsay Lohan’s name in a "DON’T DIE LINDSAY!" ad to get attention. Right now they treat non-celebrities that don’t pay well, so they’d like to remedy that by attracting celebrities so they can jack up their rates. If you want to attract celebrities might I suggest offering massages, private rooms, condoms and lube, unsupervised day passes good for up to 3 days, and drug tests that are answered as a "yes" or "no" question to the rehab guest.

This weekend Lindsay will be leaving rehab. While in rehab she was caught having sex, and in possession of drugs. Plus, she was named in a divorce case for having an alleged affair with one of her fellow rehab mates, who happens to be married to a woman whose family is worth over $1 billion dollars. When she gets out I’m sure she’ll summarize rehab as "b-o-r-i-n-g."