It’s reassuring to know that the Los Angeles District Attorney threw out cocaine charges, and recommended the judge give Lindsay Lohan only 1 day in jail for 2 DUIs. Now Female First says she was caught with drugs at Cirque Lodge rehab, much like she was rumored to be high while at Promises rehab, and they forced her to take a drug test, which she failed. A source said:

"Lindsay got called into the director’s office on August 15 and was questioned about drugs. When ordered to take a drug test, she reluctantly complied but screamed and cursed at the medical director before storming out the room. She was told that if she couldn’t conform to the program she’d have to leave."

ShowbizSpy says she was caught having sex in the bathroom:

“Staff were alerted to the bathroom because there were strange noises coming from inside and two voices could be heard,” a source says. “When they opened the door, Lindsay was in a compromising position with the guy – who’s also at Cirque for drug rehab.”

“Rumors spread like wildfire across the place that they’d been having sex. When staff found them they were all flustered and Lindsay’s hair was all over the shop,” the source adds. “She was livid that she was given the miserable task of cleaning the bathrooms so the theory was she’d do something really dirty in there.”

Is anyone really surprised? Lindsay considers sex, drugs, and alcohol, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Obviously, she can’t live without them.

Britney Spears is apparently dating a guy that has been reported to be a fellow recovering addict who was in Promises rehab with Britney. His name is Damon, and he looks like a caveman from the Geico commercials. Britney is so easy even a caveman can do her. Here’s more:

On Sunday, he attended church services with the singer and her two sons. Damon carried Sean, 22 months, into the church (while Mom held a sleeping Jayden, 10 months) and then comforted the toddler when he started crying.

The prayer session capped off a week of wining and dining for the pair, including a July 4 candlelit dinner at the Four Seasons’ Windows Lounge in L.A., after which, he slept over at her Beverly Hills pad.

On July 5, the pair hit a showing of the musical Wicked (they left after 45 minutes) and, later that evening, drinks at L.A.’s Chateau Marmont hotel, where Spears, 25, giggled and kissed her guy as he affectionately touched her face.

We never would have guessed that being sober would result in another opportunity to be "sponsored."

Lindsay Lohan’s no-go 21st birthday party in Las Vegas was notably going to be underwritten by a vodka company - controversial because the until-then underage alcoholic would be leaving rehab to attend.

According to the Gatecrasher, the Ginger is seeking another kind of patronage, this time for elements essential to her sobriety.

It’s H2O-a-go-go for the clean and sober Lindsay Lohan. Says a snitch: "A rep or assistant called Evian’s office on Tuesday, asking for free shipments of Evian to be delivered to Lindsay."

Let’s get this straight. The girl, who famously for smuggled contraband booze around in a water bottle when she was claiming to be sober, is looking for free Evian?

Will Evian bite? Maybe they can use it to start a new ad campaign.

What’s in YOUR Evian bottle?

And, Lindsay, is this some new 13th step to the AA process taught only at Promises?

"Profited from our addiction wherever possible and expected handouts at every turn."

Britney Spears is still making excuses rather than taking responsibility for her actions, she’s still so immature. Spears wrote a note to X17 regarding the umbrella incident when she checked herself out of Promises rehab, went to Keven Federline’s where the kids were safely in his care, and she started beating on cars with an umbrella. By this time she had already shaved her head. Click here to see the pictures and video. Here is Britney’s latest excuse:

Dear X17,

I want to apologize for the past incedent with the umbrella. I was preparing a character for a possible movie role where the husband doesn’t play his part so they swap places. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part. I’m sorry I got alil carried away with my role!

Britney

She’s a great speller. Spears is sending a subtle message here, that she was acting like a husband normally would by beating an SUV with an umbrella and going crazy. Sounds sexist to me. This note sounds like something a five year old would say. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Click here to see the note.

TMZ has just posted a video of Britney delivering a letter to her mother but, alas, it is not a restraining order as one might expect. It was simply a letter informing her mother of what is proper behavior, as Britney knows about that, y’all.

Sources say Britney feels that her mom turned on her in the days before she entered Promises rehab. She also feels Lynne Spears is not stable enough to be around Brit’s kids because she may have her own "issues." We’re told the letter bluntly asks Lynne to stay away from the children if she is taking any medications that would impair her ability to be around them.

We’re also told Spears has become super-protective of her kids and is taking back a lot of the control that others were exercising over her life.

I’m confused — is this the same Britney that has been closing down clubs and showing her naughty bits all over town? The only control I see her exercising is whether she’ll be showing us the upstairs or downtown.