It never happened. That’s what Bruce Willis has to say about those rumors that he and Lindsay Lohan had a short-lived "thing."

In an interview with the Mirror, Willis concedes that he has a rakish image and that his denials of hanky-panky with Firecrotch will fall on deaf ears.

“Here’s what you have to know,” he says with a hint of exasperation. “I don’t pay attention to the gossip anymore. I don’t look at it or let it in my house. We could go down to a newsstand right now and find five stupid things that are written about me, but I just don’t care.

“I stopped fighting it when I was a young kid and I was trying to find my way, just flailing wildly, figuring out how to handle fame. Setting the record straight… I couldn’t care less. Because no matter how many times I tell you I had nothing to do with Lindsay Lohan and never laid a finger on her – she just hung out with my younger daughter Tallulah for a minute – it’s still gonna be set in stone. It’s out of my control.”

Bruce, we believe you. Really.

In the time that has passed since those rumors were hot, we’ve learned that Lindsay was raised by a liar, that she has delusions of influential connections to an ex-Vice President, and that she can’t spell the word adequate.

Her alleged claims - and then public denials - that the two of you were hitting it off seem less convincing now than ever.

We’re just glad that rehab has reduced said Lohan hook-up claims. We’re bracing for the new wave of Lindsay-finds-love stories we’ll soon have to post.

And it makes our fingers cry.

John Sundahl, a real estate investor and fellow AAer, is that mystery guy running around with Britney Spears over the holiday.

He’s said to be her bodyguard, but the two have kept very close company in recent days, fuelling speculation there might be more to it. The pair were spotted out and about in LA, where they shared an intimate dinner at the Four Seasons and later set off to watch the musical Wicked before returning to the hotel together.

Sundahl denied being romantically involved with her a few weeks ago, but either she’s hired him as a chauffeur/bodyguard/dinner companion, or they’re getting cozy again. C’mon, the guy went to see Wicked! He’s definitely into her.

Here’s more:

John Sundahl claims he and the Toxic singer are an item after meeting at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in Los Angeles. Sundahl tells the National Enquirer he knows Spears is serious about the romance because she recently helped him recover from bowel surgery. He says, "When I was in the hospital, she sat with me and held my hand all night long. She even sang and hummed to me while I was practically unconscious. "I love being around her. She’s a sweet, caring girl and a good mom." Sundahl claims Spears sought him out for counseling sessions after leaving rehab at Promises in Malibu earlier this year (07), and then started attending AA meetings he staged. The wealthy 38-year-old admits his romance with Spears could scupper part of her estranged husband Kevin Federline’s divorce battle - because the dancer/rapper’s legal team initially subpoenaed Sundahl to testify against the pop star.

Sounds like the Spears-Federline divorce is going to court.

The Sun has pictures of Lindsay Lohan out and about, frolicking with pals and she looks happy. Really great.

She looks nothing like the pale, dark-haired, scowling pre-rehab Lindsay shown above.

She’s cancelled her birthday party (Paris lookalikes be damned!), has purged some toxic people, and is extending her stay in rehab.

Hey! This sobriety stuff might just stick.

Read more about Lindsay’s day out.

According to the National Ledger, Dina Lohan didn’t show up in family court Friday. 

The excuse offered by her attorney?  That the devoted Dina was rushing to tend to daughter Lindsay Lohan.

Lying Momma Lohan may want to get a new travel agent and start reading the papers.  Lindsay checked into Promises in Malibu May 29th and everybody knows that before Friday, her mother hadn’t yet bothered to pay the rehabbing star a visit.

Read more…