We’d been sitting on the rampant Jessica Simpson dating rumors this week. They just didn’t smell right.

If one believes all the stories showing up in newspapers and online, she’s a busy little thing. Maybe that 5 Factor Diet gives her extra energy, in addition to leaving her super cut and steely.

This week alone we’ve got stories swirling that Dane Cook and Jess were seen canoodling at the Prince concert at the Hollywood Roosevelt.

Later, reports surfaced that at that same purple concert, she was seen romantically accompanied trainer to the stars Harley Pasternak, who is responsible for the fitness program cited for Simpson’s rapid physical transformation.

Now…the buzz about Jake Gyllenhaal and Jess having mutual crushes on each other is building to a crescendo with reports that they’re already in love, and that she visited him at the Beverly Wilshire a couple weeks ago.

Next thing you know there will be pregnancy claims or pending adoptions. Whatever it takes to divert our attention from the stench coming from Simpson’s rotting movie, Bombed…oops… Blonde Ambition.

What we actually smell is a rat.

A publicity-hound rat.

Around here, we call that spotlight-seeking rodent Papa Joe.

Wonder what’s next. A surprise reunion with John Mayer. How about tales of a threesome with Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo?

TMZ reports that the food isn’t good at the Twin Towers and Paris Hilton is having trouble sleeping because her room is bright and noisy.  Boo hoo.

They also say that Hilton is doing better because she’s on her meds and is allowed to use her phone.

Was Paris Hilton quite mentally ill and being medicated all along prior to being sent to jail and we didn’t know it?

Is it typical for an incarcerated person to have phone privileges?

 And isn’t it interesting after her parents reportedly jumped through hoops, twisted arms and threatened lawsuits, they weren’t two people Hilton chose as visitors for family day. After the shaking, crying and screaming for Mommy, wouldn’t you think Hilton would be driven to distraction wondering when she’d get to see her beloved parents again?

Nope…the two people Princess Hilton wanted to see more than any others were sister Nicky and…wait for it…Stavros Niarchos.

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Jessica Simpson is ready to serve her country…in a movie. The pop princess is set to star in "Major Movie Star," a film about an actress who enlists in the Marine Corps to prove to some movie producers that she is tough enough to play a soldier in their film.

Sounds like a winner, huh? Since Simpson does her best acting without pants on, expect to see some of the shortest camouflage shorts in the history of mankind. This might be the kind of film that’s best viewed without sound.

Over the weekend Kim Kardashian was in Miami over the weekend with Scott Storch, ug. She was wearing the most beautiful dress, that she apparently bought on Ebay! The amateur porn star just made $5 million dollars in a settlement from Vivid Video, but she’s still ghetto a bargain shopper. Click here to see her in the dress.

Does Nicky Hilton shop on Ebay too?

Prince is in London to do a series of concerts. Everyone is very excited, even me, but he’s there and I’m here, so maybe I’ll see him in Las Vegas. Prince invited a few fans onstage, but one girl tried to get her grind on with Prince, but he’s not into public indecency. Poor Prince, that look on his face says it all.

Hey, is that the girl from the Akon dry humping scandal?