We really wanted to entitle this post "Nicole Kidman, Fool, Was In A Rush to Marry After Escaping Her Unholy Union with Tom Cruise" but we feared that it might not be the best search-engine-appropriate headline.

And that we might spark the ire of an unnamed, wee-yet-litigious man.

Oh! And that we might sound too much like Mr. T.

So, the story, according to Page Six, is that Nicole Kidman reveals in her Vanity Fair interview that she was "secretly engaged" to a man she won’t name in between the end of her contract marriage to Mr. Tom Cruise and before she married Aussie country crooner Keith Urban.

But our sources say he was Lenny Kravitz. "They were even house-hunting together for a while," a spy said. A representative for Kravitz said, "I cannot confirm or deny it." A rep for Kidman said, "I don’t know."

So there you have it…unsubstantiated, yet highly likely…and not nearly as interesting as the picture on the cover.

Come on. Secretly engaged for a short time? That’s like being almost pregnant. Half the kids in school can claim that.

Breaking News! TMZ is reporting that Halle Berry’s new movie has been scrapped due to a tiny bun in her perfect oven.

TMZ has learned that producers of the upcoming Lionsgate film "Tulia" have scrapped plans to start filming in October — as the film’s star, Halle Berry, is three months pregnant!

A source close to the production tells us Berry, 41, who is currently dating hottie model Gabriel Aubrey, was set to star in the movie about the drug and racial profiling scandal in Tulia, Texas. The film, which was scheduled for a 2008 release, was to be directed by John Singleton and also starred Billy Bob Thornton.

We’re told the project has not been shelved entirely; producers may decide to pick it up at a later date.

We’re assuming that the wee one is Aubrey’s, which means Shiloh Jolie-Pitt will have some competition on the baby front. If ridiculously good-looking people keep procreating, we’re going to have some sort of uber-celebrity race on our hands. On the day of the baby’s birth, the doctor will probably reach in there to pull it out, only to be greeted by rays of sunshine, doves, and roses, as classical music plays and the skies part and people lay down their arms. Seriously.

A three months pregnant Foxy Brown is headed to Rikers Island, after a Manhattan judge ordered the rapper to serve time for violating her probation for multiple assault charges on multiple occassions. Foxy used the Nicole Richie legal defense in an attempt to get sympathy from the court, when Brown revealed that she is three months pregnant, and that she plans to get married in September. Foxy will remain in jail until her next hearing on September 7. Being pregnant did not stop Foxy from being arrested over the past two weeks for beating a women with her blackberry, and lying to officers about her identity after being pulled over.

Pregnancy and jail isn’t going to slow Foxy down. She’ll beat someone in jail, and her baby will get out of jail before she does. She went from music career to career criminal. I guess the positive spin is that she hasn’t kill anyone, yet. It’s hard to imagine anyone was stupid enough to knock Foxy up. She’d probably eat her lover after he impregnated her like a preying mantis. I suspect she robbed a sperm bank, and used a turkey baster to get herself pregnant so she could avoid jail. Sounds like I made that up doesn’t it? It’s hard to stretch the truth when you’re talking about someone who has a life resembling a cartoon.

Lindsay Lohan is supposed to be in at the Cirque rehab facility in Utah, but now there are rumors that she is pregnant again according to OK! magazine:

“It wouldn’t be the first time she had a pregnancy scare.”

Although I doubt Lohan is pregnant, she’s no doubt been studying the positive reaction Nicole Richie has received. Richie gets a second DUI, is facing jail time, gets pregnant, gets sympathy, gets a few days in jail, and everyone loves her again. Lohan is following the same pattern, and right now she may not even be able to find work as an actress, so she’s in desperate need of something to help get her career back on track. I wonder if she’s one of those stars that uses abortion as birth control.

If Lohan did give birth, the baby would probably just be a wad of used condoms. On the other hand, if the always working the party scene Lindsay did have a baby, her mother would most likely raise it, and we know what a great job she did with Lindsay.

Us Magazine has reported on the first installment of Nicole Richie’s interview with Diane Sawyer, and a pervasive theme was how shocked Nicole was to actually discover she was with child.

Nicole Richie was so surprised to discover that she was pregnant, it took five home pregnancy tests to convince her that she was having a baby.

“It took me — it really took me a long time to really — for it to sink in,” she says. “I actually didn’t even really believe it until I heard the heartbeat.”

What she didn’t say is that it took her five times to actually pee straight enough to get it on the stick. 

The couple, who have already started a VIDEO diary for their unborn baby, tell Sawyer they don’t want to know whether the child is a boy or a girl.

The rest of us just want to know if it’s going to be human.  For some reason, I can’t stop picturing it coming out as a six pack and a bottle of pills. 

Dad, Lionel Richie, also sounds thrilled:

“He was really quiet,” according to Nicole, who says he told her: “Now you’re going to get to experience everything that I have and everything that you’ve done to me, it’s definitely going to come back to you.”

He’s not exactly dancing on the ceiling over being a grandpa.  He’ll probably insist on being called some weird name, like G-Money…or Lionel.