Nicole Richie is in Hawaii experiencing some of the wonders of pregnancy, a boyfriend who follows close behind, and the walking farts. She brought along her iPod so she could listen to the sounds of the ocean. Nicole is careful to shield herself from the sun with a makeshift tent, since other beach goers complained the reflection from her belly had caused them to experience third degree burns. Joel Madden hasn’t sat down once since Nicole got pregnant. He’s afraid once he does, she’ll realize he’s not her assistant, and fire him.

Although Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman haven’t officially announced her pregnancy, Ken Ehrlich, Executive Producer of this year’s Emmy telecast, and Paris Hilton did at two separate events. It’s surprising Paris could take time out from pleasing her boyfriends to use her mouth to speak. OK! is reporting Christina will be having a baby boy.

It’s always been a mystery to me why everyone always rubs a woman’s belly when she’s pregnant. If you rub it does a genie pop out and grant the person three wishes? I prefer shaking the snow globes, and seeing the nipples get hard.

Foxy Brown (aka Inga Marchand) announced this week that she will release an album while serving her one year jail sentence after a crime spree, oh, and she’s not really pregnant. You might recall that Foxy claimed she was pregnant just before she was going to face the judge. After seeing how lenient the judge was with a pregnant Nicole Richie, Foxy must have thought she could also catch the same break. The judge didn’t buy it, and now Foxy admits she lied, and is not pregnant. So now she’s a liar and a criminal. If her record is good she’ll probably sell a lot of records, and kids will want to be just like her. I long for the days when a cell phone was two cans and a waxed string, a dirty magazine was a JCPenney bra and panty ad, and criminals were people who didn’t go to church.

Less than six weeks after finally publicly admitting that she is indeed pregnant with fiance Joel Madden’s baby, Nicole Richie has reportedly decided that she has too much going on to get married just yet.

The "emotionally and physically exhausted" excuse is being bandied about yet again.

What if it was all just a big ruse to shorten her jail sentence?

A big fake-baby conspiracy of trapeze dresses, empire waists, push-up bras, and bad posture.

Any day she could announce, "You’ve been Punk’d America!"

But, if there really is a baby, may we suggest eloping?

This old-fashioned response to getting knocked-up requires much less planning, so it’s much less "exhausting."

Imagine! You could even be married BEFORE the baby is born.

Just a thought, Nic.

Foxy Brown (28), aka Inga Marchand, aka chocolate rain of terror, was sentenced to 1 year in jail after a string of arrests, assaults, and probation violations. With really good behavior she could get out of jail in 8 months. Brown is currently pregnant, and may give birth while in jail. I feel sorry for the baby. Here’s more:

The judge found Brown had left the state without permission; had moved her residence from Brooklyn to Mahwah, N.J., without permission; had failed to notify the department of an arrest in Mahwah; had failed to report to probation officers, and had dropped court-ordered anger management sessions with a psychologist. Brown also was accused of hitting a woman with a cell phone on July 30 when the pair fought over the music volume from Brown’s car stereo.

Just before the hearing began, Brown, asked the judge for yet another chance at freedom and promised to straighten out her life. Judge Jackson had jailed her Aug. 22 to await the hearing.

"I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to change," Brown told the judge. She said she had made a lot of mistakes. "I realize that’s not where I want to be. It’s humbled me in ways I never imagined."

The judge replied, "Ms. Marchand, it’s too little, too late. I’m glad you’re learning something; that’s a positive, but I’m not going to give you any more chances. I hope you turn your life around and never again have to stand in a court of law."

Everyone was shocked when Brown said, "I take back my apology your honor."

The judge’s said in astonishment, "I thought you were taking responsibility. Why would you take back your apology?"

Foxy smiled and said, "Your ruling doesn’t count your honor. You didn’t say ’Simon Says.’"