Jessica Alba recently said she is "too hot for Hollywood," which should be a warning to all men who want a relationship with her. It comes as no surprise that Alba has dumped her boyfriend of 2 years Cash Warren in the coldest way possible, over the phone, and while she was in another country. Here’s more:

Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, called Warren on July 22 and told him, "I’m not in love with you anymore." Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren’s belongings and move him out.

Warren says he suspects the breakup came because she is seeing another man, but he has no evidence. He’s half right. She’s not in love with him anymore, she’s completely in love with herself. Alba is hot, so dumping her boyfriend really is great news, which could only be topped by her announcing she will star in porn movies.

If these two made a sex tape, I doubt Alba would have been so cold, but Warren would be a complete rock head if he didn’t release it now after getting dumped like that. Besides, he’d be every hetersexual male’s hero on this planet.

Encouraging your children to heed the sage advice of Ron Jeremy seems odd, but according to Page Six, he’ll soon be seen in a PSA intended to encourage kids to avoid pornography.

According to avn.com, the minute-long ad for a Christian group features the Hedgehog and his sidekick, a doll named "Pete the Porno Puppet," warning: "Don’t watch porn ’til you’re over 18 years of age. It’s for adults only."

Has there been a Hedgehog conversion? Have we missed some legal troubles? This smacks of the condition of some parole or something.

Regardless of the driving force, we’d love to see the efficacy data on this campaign.

Pete the Porno Puppet? That’s like having Joe Camel warn kids of the dangers of smoking. Or using the Sun Country Cooler Polar Bears eschewing alcohol and frolicking fun to promote spinach and homework.

Die Hard 4 is a movie about a guy (Bruce Willis) that keeps getting himself into the same situation over and over and over and over again. The plot is as realistic as a porno, where one guy keeps bumping into groups of horny women that all want him so bad they tear his clothes off. Len Wiseman directed the movie, not the porno, Die Hard 4, which sounds like a porno movie name.

Len is married to Kate Beckinsale, and although the couple were rumored a while back to be having marriage difficulties and living a few miles apart, they appear to be just as normal as a couple of horny high school kids at the prom.

Bai Ling was spotted showing off her dance moves at Club Play for porn star Mary Carey’s birthday party last Friday. Bai probably has friends like mine. I say "I can’t dance," and they say, "nobody cares how you dance, it’s a party, just have fun," then they stand back and laugh. Sadly a midget comes in to dance with Bai, and she’s starts sexing him up. I’m waiting for her publicist to release a statement saying she forgot to take her meds, or she took too many.

That’s a face that will jolt you into an awareness of the high cost of piracy, right?

Losing money makes Harvey mad.  He’s happy because he’s gonna catch you.

This is your fair warning, kids. Pssst….pass it on.

Though there’s no indication that Harvey Weinstein is using his own mug to curtail illegal downloading of Michael Moore’s new flick SiCKO, piraters (and greedy college students) beware.

The New York Post reports that in light of SiCKO being leaked, Weinstein has become this Internet vigilante, corralling would-be downloaders and turning them over to the sheriff in these here parts.  He "crowed" about it to the paper:

"We created lots of phony sites, and people had to input their private information to gain access to ‘SiCKO.’ We are turning over all the information to the police and prosecutors and are stopping Internet piracy."

I’m sure that there is a market for free copies of Moore’s latest documentary.

We certainly don’t intend to trot down to the multiplex and fork over almost ten bucks for the privilege of seeing the deconstruction of our health system, but it’s probably somebody else’s cup of tea.

However, don’t we all have better things to do with our high-speed connections? Watching porn or even YouTube?

Much like NBC’s "To Catch a Predator" stings, the Weinstein Roundup will probably only catch the slowest and stupidest of the criminal herd.

Oh…and for the record: Illegal downloading is stealing, it’s wrong, and it’s against the law…kids.  (You’re welcome, Mr. Weinstein.)