Britney Spears Fakes it in Allure

Allure Magazine used Photoshop to create the illusion that Britney Spears is still hot. She is a mom with two kids, has been banged by countless guys, drinks fattening Starbucks frappuccinos like water, leaves a trail of Cheeto cheese dust everywhere she goes, has chunks of cottage cheese on her thighs, smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, was voted most likely to relapse in rehab, and the Allure readers are supposed to believe Britney still looks like she did before she had kids. Next they’ll be saying those pictures of UFOs are all real too.

Kelly Clarkson Admits She Was Wrong, Clive Davis is a Genius

Regardless of whether she posted the following on her Web site because her new manager insisted or because she went to Wikipedia and looked Clive Davis up, Kelly Clarkson has reversed her previous Davis-is-old-and-doesn’t-know-crap position, claiming to have been misunderstood and misrepresented by the media.

Contrary to recent characterizations in the press, I’m well aware that Clive is one of the great record men of all time. He has been a key advisor and has been an important force in my success to date. He has also given me respect by releasing my new album when he was not obligated to do so. I really regret how this has turned out and I apologize to those whom I have done disservice. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I love music, and I love the people I am blessed to work with.

Her previous comments left no room for misunderstanding, so we don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling,

Regardless, it was about time she acknowledged the situation considering the evidence piling up of how right musical genius Davis actually was this time.

No hit singles from My December and disappointing sales. A cancelled tour. Fired managers. A general impression that arrogant Kelly thinks she smarter than the experienced pros around her.

We’d bet that the even photoshopping and stretching of the photo above was at the behest of some established music guys.

All of it makes just heeding advice from the "old guy" seem like a good idea for next time, dontcha think?

Hilary Duff Looks Hot on the the Cover of Swimsuit Issue

The Duffster is looking good! Color us a little surprised. Even her veneers look normal.

Hilary Duff was chosen to grace the cover of US Weekly’s first swimsuit issue.

We’re not loving the bathing suit itself, but we think her body is slammin.

The teaser on the article? “I was obsessed over my weight”

Nicole Richie and John Travolta: Photo(shop)s of What Might Have Been

We’ve been laughing all morning about the photo illustrations at PlanetHiltron.com.

It’s like bizarro photoshop! Instead of making celebrities look thinner, younger, taller, wider-eyed and smoother-skinned, PlanetHiltron has altered pictures to make the stars look more like everyday schmoes.

This picture of macho Hairspray star John Travolta and the one of soon-to-be-mom Nicole Richie below look like people we know from around town. Not pretty.

There’s also a great one of Jennifer Aniston as she might look without the trainers, the buffing, the polishing.

It certainly made us feel better about skipping the gym this morning and having waffles instead. Mmmmm…carbs.

See more pics of celebs like Ashlee Simpson, Carmen Electra and Gwyneth Paltrow brought down a notch in the yearbook section.

Awesome. We’re ordering extra syrup after that.

Janet Jackson is FAT Again

I know there are a lot of readers that complain whenever I call someone FAT, but when you’re selling yourself as slim and sexy then FAT is a disaster for your career. Janet Jackson made an album that bombed, and her career looks like it will never get back on track. She lost a ton of weight, did every magazine cover in existence, which all did photoshop work to make her look even better, and now she’s grieving and eating her way through a failed comeback. Despite her weight gain, Janet’s fat is still healthier than Michael’s addiction to plastic surgery. Maybe Janet should consider gastric band surgery before she eats Jermaine Dupri.