Paris Hilton Gets a New Bracelet

So by now I’m sure you’ve read that Paris has been released from jail after spending just three days there.  They claim that she was released to house arrest for "undisclosed medical reasons."  Last time I checked "I miss my widdle doggie woggie" is not a medical condition.  Neither is "these sheets are too scratchy" or "I feel scrunched in."  At any rate planet Earth’s favorite brain-dead media darling is no longer behind bars.  The sentence now reverts back to the 45 days minus the time spent in jail. They even counted Sunday night and part of Thursday as full days.  So Paris will now be spending 40 days wearing an ankle bracelet and restricted to 4000 feet in and around her Barbie dream home.  Now, instead of a 12 foot by 8 foot cell, our brave heroine will spend the next 40 days limited to having pool-side orgies at her luxurious home.  That will teach her not to drive recklessly and drunk.  It’s the equivalent of being grounded but you can do whatever you want.

With her early release from jail it’s unclear what happens to the million dollars Paris was supposed to receive for "writing" her Prison Diary.  Remember, to you and me that seems like a large sum of money, but for Paris that’s probably less than she spent on last months clothing, accessories, and vaginal rejuvenation surgery.  Let’s all send our thoughts and prayers out to Paris in this time of need and hope that she can attain an all-over tan despite her ankle bracelet.