Singer Keith Urban was involved in a minor motorcycle accident Monday morning in Sydney, Australia, on his way to an AA meeting, and he’s blaming…not being drunk, but the paparazzi. The Daily Telegraph say they saw Urban riding his motorcycle near his home, when he lost control and fell off. The witnesses claim they saw a photographer following Urban on another bike. Urban’s rep said:

"Today’s incident was the result of one person’s desire to do his job and my desire to maintain my privacy. Some have already attempted to inflate the facts, but the reality is this; while out riding to an AA meeting, a time when my privacy is especially important to me, I felt myself being pursued. I sped up, and in an effort to elude an oncoming car, which was making an illegal U-turn, saw no choice but to drop my bike. In actual fact, my pursuer came to my assistance, without taking photos, and helped me from the road. I returned home, got my car, and continued on my way."

First Keith blames the paparazzi for the crash because they weren’t respecting his privacy, then he blames an oncoming car making an illegal U-Turn for causing his crash, then claims the paparazzi respected his privacy by helping him after the crash without taking pictures. If this is a picture of the accident, then that car must have been making a U-Turn on the sidewalk. Drugs and alcohol can really distort a person’s perception of reality, so you wouldn’t want them on the road driving, because they might mistake you for a parking spot and drive right into you.

Britney Spears is still driving despite being charged with hit and run in Los Angeles after hitting a parked car, and charged for driving without a valid license since she’s never been issued a California driver’s license. She’s been a complete mess over her recent drug test, and spent some time in the bathroom with a paparazzi. Now she’s driving her white Mercedes again, and she’s got a smashed left front fender, bumper, and headlight. If parked cars aren’t safe from Britney’s driving, moving cars and pedestrians don’t stand a chance. The only way to make it safe for other cars would be to install a giant 4 foot thick cushion around her car, and a parachute on the back in case she drives off a cliff. Besides having to sit in car seats, Sean Preston and Jayden James need life jackets in the event Britney attempts a water landing.

Justin Timberlake may have backed out of the lightweight girls boxing championship, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a tough guy. Watch him smack down a paparazzi camera like he’s some kind of wild animal. Every time I see Justin acting manly it makes my nipples hard.

Super hot DILF Brad Pitt is on the cover of the October issue of Details.

Inside, he probably looks really hot in the pictures and then talks a bit about stuff that’s important to him and the paparazzi and…blah blah blah…what nice blue eyes he has.

“It is the defining annoyance of my life,” he says, emitting a deep, frustrated sigh. “I just think how strange it is for my kids. Mad, Z, Pax—they really believe that every time you go outside there is a herd of people with cameras snapping flashes in your face [who] are going to kind of block your way when you’re trying to get somewhere.

“That is their vision of the world outside. Very strange, isn’t it? It’s an everyday thing for them…

That would be weird.

Imagine walking to school with your angelic, famous baby sister and your blindingly gorgeous parents and having a mob basically escorting you.

You’d probably get so used to it, you’d feel lonely any time you weren’t surrounded by a dozen stinky, sweaty, yelling guys jostling each other and walking backwards in front you.

Boy. Therapy sure will be interesting for the Jolie-Pitt clan.

Britney Spears’ body guard Cesar Julio Camera has officially been charged with battery for pounding on a paparazzi in Las Vegas in July. Andrew Deetz, the photog who got pounded, filed a complaint against Camera and also accused Britney of threatening him, alleging that she yelled, “I am going to kill you!” and threw a baby bottle at him. I don’t think Britney really meant to hit Deetz. She just lost control of the bottle as she was trying to juggle the baby bottle, her phone, lighter, a pack of cigarettes, and Sean all at the same time.

If convicted, Camera faces up to six months in jail, and or a $1,000 fine. No court date has been set.

One day in Las Vegas a photog named Deetz was taking pictures of Britney. The bodyguard didn’t like it and told him to stop. The photog kept snapping pictures, so the bodyguard called the photog a few names. The photog said, “sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” That’s when the bodyguard jumped on the little guy hitting him in the face over and over with his fist. The lesson here is, when name calling doesn’t do the trick, use sticks and stones. Maybe next time the photog will start taking pictures of Britney after he shoots the bodyguard.