Orlando Bloom in a Car Accident Banging Jessica Simspon

Orlando Bloom was in a car accident, but he was not banging Jessica Simpson at the time. OK! magazine says Jessica and Orlando are dating, and they secretly arrived together Wednesday night at the Hennessy Artistry party at Paramount Studios.OK! says:

“They slipped in a little after 8 p.m. and remained backstage for roughly 20 minutes before leaving together,” an eyewitness tells OK!. The pair popped into the event to catch up with Jess’ little sis, Ashlee, who was there in support of her guy pal Pete Wentz, whose rock group Fall Out Boy was performing. “Jessica and Orlando are trying to keep their relationship on the down low,” the source says. “It’s all new to them and they’re still just feeling their ways but they are definitely an item.”

The story about Orlando banging Jessica may be true, but she’s just one of many. About 15 minutes prior to the car accident Orlanda was involved in last night, Orlando reportedly "grabbed" Veronica Taylor "inappropriately" while at a club. Her ex boyfriend, and now friend, fashion photographer Damon Kidwell was very upset. Orlando nearly got into a fight with Damon when Orlando into Damon’s car. The only reason there wasn’t a fight may have been because of the cameras all around. Click here if the video above isn’t working.

In the video above you can see one of the two females Orlando was with was the driver. You can hear the grind as she tries to start the car several times, and the paparazzi shout, "It’s already running." The paparazzi then added, "This is not gonna be good." Because the woman driver was OBVIOUSLY too drunk to drive.

In this video some guy says the paparazzi are scum bags for chasing the crashed car, and causing the crash. It wasn’t the paparazzi, it was Orlando’s poor driving.

Orlando is taking heat today for trying to leave the scene of the accident before cops came even though his two female friends in the car were injured. TMZ reports:

In video taken immediately following this morning’s accident, Bloom can be seen walking away from the scene, leaving two women — one injured and bleeding — in his smashed-up ride. Nice guy! After walking down the block, the paparazzi repeatedly advise Bloom to go back to the accident scene and "deal with it," saying that if he leaves, it could be a hit and run.

The back seat passenger celebrity stylist Cher Coulter fractured neck vertebrae in the accident, and despite this she was walking around outside the car holding her head before finally laying down. When someone hurts their neck you lay them straight to align the spine until paramedics determine if a C-Collar, and a hard backboard is needed to stabilize the neck and back before transporting the person to the hospital. The video is here.

In the first video the drunk girl is seen driving, but not far down the road Orlando took over as the driver, then crashed into a parked car. Although he wasn’t given a Breathalyzer, and did not appear to be drunk to police, Orlando was acting strangely that evening. Perhaps he was thinking of Jessica Simpson.

Orlando Bloom’s rep issued the following statement:

"Orlando Bloom, who was in a minor car collision late last night, is grateful that no one was seriously injured. Bloom called for help immediately following the incident. He spent last night at the hospital to be with his childhood friend who sustained a minor neck injury. He is thankful that emergency services arrived so quickly and that the ER staff at Cedars Sinai took such good care of his friend."

Good luck getting an acting job as a hero Orlando.

JR Rotem and Britney Spears Run Out of Air

JR Rotem has turned Britney Spears on to Zohar, a book on Jewish mysticism. The only problem is, Britney can only read popup books. They stopped at a GNC for more health stuff, but they didn’t buy anything. Looks like they haven’t made much progress on getting Britney healthy again. However, the pair did manage to get a flat tire. The paparazzi changed it, while the cops watched. It must be amazing to be a celebrity. It’s like being a baby. Other people feed you, change your tires, and wipe your a$$. Britney once again adorned herself with a hat, and brought along her dog. I wonder if the dog barks at people when Britney is eating in resturaunts. I’m not a big fan of Britney’s hats. How about putting an apple on her head, and let me try to shoot it off? Apparently Britney will never learn how to exit a car without looking like a trucker.

Britney Spears and Jamie Lynn Stink up Hollywood

Britney Spears took her little sister Jamie Lynn Spears to the Stinking Rose restaurant on La Cienga Boulevard in Beverly Hills, but they didn’t eat. They must have stopped to let the paparazzi catch up for some pictures. Britney was driving, and it’s clear which question she missed on the driving exam.

Should sunglasses be worn while driving?:

A) at night
B) during bright sunny days

The hardest part of the driving test for Britney was trying to understand what those gauges were for on the dashboard. She also thinks the ash tray is for dipping sauce for her Chicken McNuggets.

Britney Spears Bodyguard Now a Paparazzi?

Remember former bodyguard Tony Barretto (pictured below) who submitted a declaration in Britney Spears custody battle with Kevin Federline? Is that Tony (pictured above) working as a paparazzi now? I could be wrong, but a paparazzi job could help him lose some weight. He got fired from his last job, because he ate his pizza deliveries in 30 minutes or less.

Britney Spears on Suicide Watch

Britney Spears was so upset at losing physical custody yesterday of Sean Preston and Jayden James, after she turned them over to Kevin Federline’s bodyguard, she drove straight to Epitome, her favorite Bel Air tanning salon. Afterwards she checked in to the Peninsula Hotel. As she checked in a photographer knocked down a security guard, and while waiting for the police, more paparazzi fought each other. Britney then headed to the Van Nuys, California DMV, but was not issued a license. If the smile on Britney’s face is any indication of how she feels about losing her kids, she should be shopping, tanning, and clubbing nonstop. I haven’t seen her this happy since she found out Starbucks puts extra heavy whipped cream on everything she orders. Britney still faces charges of hit-and-run which carry up to one year in jail. Somehow Britney sees things as if she is Alice in Wonderland, where the paparazzi are the Queen of Hearts and her minions, the judge is the fat cat, and clubs are places where she can have spiked tea with her friends.