Dry your eyes and don’t believe the Barbara Walters-interview hype. 

THE Paris Hilton will be back and ready to party.  The public, having missed her so, will surely welcome her with open arms.

It is going to be the hottest…party…ever!

The New York Post reports that the jailbird’s enabler father, Rick Hilton, is on the party-planning committee and has been making the rounds.

Page Six has learned that the celebutard’s doting daddy, Rick Hilton, was recently shopping a "Get Out of Jail" bash for his little girl to the top Las Vegas clubs, including Pure, the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino and the Palms.

"He was originally asking for a $50,000 cash fee to be paid, as well as accommodations and flights," said our source. "Pure and Hard Rock said ‘no’ flat out, but George Maloof, who owns the Palms, didn’t say yes or no. He’s very good pals with Paris and is the one who once hooked her up with Britney Spears."

Oops! Sauer Snag!

It looks like last Friday’s order back to the joint, has put a crimp in Rick’s plans. 

Not to worry.  Page Six cites sources who think the delay will simply result in a party that will be bigger, better…and hotter, for sure.

Read more…

As Paris adjusts to life behind bars, possibly learning the fine arts of check kiting, identity theft and selling oregano as marijuana, her brother recovers from the trauma of almost being robbed at knifepoint by a common criminal.

Page Six reports that a couple of nightclub security guards swooped in and saved the day, assuring that nobody was hurt and the attackers didn’t get any money.

Good thing!  With his sister’s new jailhouse connections, any harm to baby bro might have led to some ugly street justice being ordered from the Century Regional Detention Facility.

Instead, we’ll soon see her blandly tell of the incredible agony she suffered, unable to comfort young Barron Hilton as she happened to be unjustly incarcerated at the time. 

Haven’t you heard? Hilton has already scheduled a post-prison interview with Barbara Walters. Be sure to program your TiVo!

Update Apparently Hilton finds the slammer to be cold and scary, but the people are really friendly. (TMZ)

Read more about Barron’s close call…

Paula Abdul, from American Idol, is a mess. She’s either on drugs, drunk all the time, or both. Her latest excuse is a claim she has Addison’s Disease, which she admits a doctor has not diagnosed. C’mon, give me a break, just admit you have a problem and go to rehab before you break your nose again, or hurt someone else. Her dog must live in terror. Here’s the latest:

At Thursday night’s Fragrance Foundation 2007 FiFi Awards, held at the Winter Garden, the upbeat "American Idol" judge was slotted to open the evening – but she arrived 30 minutes late, and a spy told Page Six she "was so completely out of it" when she finally showed.

"They had to delay the show for her to get there, and it was almost impossible to understand her . . . her eyes were half open," the source said. "She had to have two guys help her to her seat after she left the stage."

In recent interviews, Abdul, who says she doesn’t drink, explained she’s been on painkillers for years from injuries to four vertebrae in her neck that required 14 surgeries.

After three surgeries there is usually too much scar tissue to do a fourth let alone a fourteenth surgery. Excuses, excuses, excuses. Next on the list for Paula is a DUI, just wait and see, if she drives. If she doesn’t drive, she’ll get a walking DUI for walking in the middle of the road waving and thinking it’s the red carpet.

The New York Post has obtained a recording of a recent conference call during which American Idol host Paula Abdul has a complete breakdown, crying about her publicist, her health and her treatment on "Idol". Page Six says:

She sobs on the tape: "I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time. I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on ’American Idol.’ Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I’m being told by (publicist) Howard Bragman that I’m too old and no one will ever want to do a cover. I’m being tested. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I’m tired of it. Howard Bragman on Monday – he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man . . . I don’t understand how this man can call me a whining b_tch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining b_tch and a loser."

Sounds like everyone around Paula is actually being honest with her, and she’s gone on a whining tour to tell anyone who will listen to her complain about it. Just be glad you only had to read what Paula said. The tape sounds like finger nails down a chalkboard.

Dina Lohan thinks we’re all stupid. As if we didn’t already know, Lindsay Lohan learned to lie from her mother. Here’s more:

DINA Lohan needs to make up her mind – or at least start re-reading the interviews she gives. Fame-crazed Mama Lohan recently told Us Weekly, "I’ve read all these things, like, I said I’m the white Oprah. I’ve never said that in my entire life! It’s completely ridiculous." Really? In an Aug. 10, 2006, interview with Star magazine, she told reporter David Caplan, "I love to talk. Lindsay [ Lohan]’s friends call me ’The White Oprah’ because they all come to me with their problems." Caplan, who’s since left the weekly for VH1, tells us he quoted Dina accurately.