According to Page Six, an unauthorized biography on Jack Nicholson by author Dennis McDougal will be released soon and will include some details long held secret by the 70-year-old star. One of these secrets is the fact that he has various "love children," one of whom is handicapped.

But, the book claims, "There are two other possibles whom those closest to Jack whisper about, including one young man who lives with handicaps brought on by his actress mother’s drug abuse . . . These are among the closely held secrets he has generally succeeded in keeping from his fans." He doesn’t identify either.

Nicholson’s lawyer, Abe Somer, told Page Six: "The allegations of the handicapped son are false and inaccurate. There is no handicapped son of Mr. Nicholson." He declined to comment on McDougal’s allegation of a second unknown love child, adding, "Let’s respect his privacy." Somer also said Nicholson has four, not five, illegitimate kids.

The actor, who has admitted he is "preoccupied with sex," also shuns wearing condoms, likening them to wearing a "warm garbage bag." Apparently, he has no fear of the body bag that he’ll surely end up in after his pecker shrivels up and falls off. Speaking of Jack’s pecker, TMZ is also reporting that the biography will contain info on the fact that Jack’s member is "uniquely shaped." After spreading his seed all over the nation, we’re just surprised it doesn’t actually contain a heat sensor and a scope.

Gwyneth Paltrow wants to keep her skin looking young forever. To fight the wrinkles she uses snake venom. Page Six says:

A spy at Sonya Dakkar spa in Beverly Hills said Paltrow, a frequent customer, walked out with a line of Ultra Lux 9 products – including a cream that contains the spit of a snake. "It’s not Botox," said one insider. "Just a cream that has the venom in it . . . the cream is part of the facials."

This seems like the poor man’s way of getting snake venom to fight those wrinkles. She’s rich. Why doesn’t she raise her own snakes, and have someone milk them to get fresh venom whenver she needs it? Someone should really tell her that her skin looked younger and better before she started to use that venom cream. The venom probably causes psychosis that cause the user to believe they look like a fresh young girl, even though they are a dried up old mummy.

Lindsay Lohan appears to have made enemies throughout the industry. Now that she’s safely confined to a real rehab facility, folks are coming out of the woodwork to dish on her very bad behavior at an Elle Magazine photo shoot a couple of months ago.

According to the New York Post:

"Louis Vuitton had sent over some samples for her to wear in the shoot," said a snitch. "Lindsay, kept shoving the clothes into her bag, and a stylist’s assistant kept getting them out of the bag, only to have Lindsay keep trying to take them. She ended up walking off with a very expensive shirt and some other items – which screwed Louis Vuitton because they were set to go to Vogue, W and Harper’s Bazaar for other shoots.

They were furious and kept trying to get their clothes back, but . . . Lindsay walked out with them and never returned calls." The issue hits stands today, in which she’s asked about the photo shoot and replies, "I wanted everything. There was this Cartier watch, and I was like, ‘What do I have to do to get this watch?’ "

Don’t you wish that just once, someone would answer that kind of question from the likes of Lohan with a simple, "Buy it."

These things come in threes, so along with Britney’s photo shoot shenanigans, we’re sure to hear any day now about another Hollywood bad girl bitching it up as she gets snapped for a magazine cover.

You’d think the headaches would drive the mags back to the more professional and generally more stable supermodels as cover subjects, but it doesn’t.

Paula Abdul is surrounded by assistants and stylists and, according to Page Six, she runs a tight ship.

"There’s a salon chair in her house where she gets her hair and makeup done every day. She’ll sit in it, set an alarm, and then, because she’s on so many painkillers, pass out while her hair and makeup guy gets her ready for the day. When the alarm goes off she’ll wake up, and God forbid the poor guy isn’t done yet. All hell breaks loose."

Abdul’s rep said, "There’s no alarm that I’ve ever seen."

This is what should be made into a reality show. It would be a nail biter!!

Can you imagine the heart-pounding, brow-sweat countdown for the poor makeup guy? Holding her pharmaceutically leaden eyelids open to apply mascara, he likely has one eye on the timer and one eye watching for a tell-tale flicker right before Paula startles awake and starts choking him.

Maybe we’re devious, but we’re thinking that resetting the timer while she’s asleep might be a strategy. In her drugged up state, she’s not going to remember.

Or, they could try shaking that Abdul munchkin upside down by her ankles and demanding more time for each morning’s Herculean makeover.

Page Six is reporting that Marilyn Manson is being sued by his keyboard player for wasting money on demented items as opposed to actually paying him the money he supposedly promised him.

INSTEAD of paying his keyboard player, Marilyn Manson squandered his band’s earnings on "sick and disturbing purchases of Nazi memorabilia and taxidermy (including the skeleton of a young Chinese girl,)" a lawsuit being filed today in Los Angeles charges. Keyboard man Stephen "Pogo" Bier accuses the Goth rocker and his "musketeers" (his business manager, lawyer and the band’s manager) of assisting Manson "in filching millions of dollars the band made over the years."

So the guy’s got a few skeletons in his closet.  Look, I mean–he might be a little strange, but who hasn’t had a relative or two stuffed and then hung them on the wall…ya know, for the sake of posterity.  I’m jussayin’.