Page Six has basically accused Joel Madden of breaking the cardinal rule from The 40 Year Old Virgin. He’s gone and put the pu$$y on a pedestal.

NICOLE Richie knows how rumors get started, so she’s nipping in the bud any chance of wicked whispers about her and boyfriend Joel Madden being on the outs. Wednesday night, Madden went to celebrate the first anniversary of the Village Pourhouse on Third Avenue, and all was well until a party promoter wanted to take a picture of him with a cute young woman. Our spy reports, "He said he couldn’t, as Nicole gave him strict orders not to take pictures with other celebrities or girls for rumor purposes."

Nicole Richie isn’t completely uncaring. She did return his balls when he came home.

Bruce Willis was spotted on a yacht in Sardinia with his new girlfriend Karen McDougal, the 1998 Playboy Playmate of the Year. Page Six says, "the 36-year-old brunette is definitely his girlfriend". There are stories that just looking at Karen’s Playboy spread can cure flaccid penis syndrome (FPS). Maybe Bruce needed hands on therapy.

Tony Almeida was Lindsay Lohan’s bodyguard from 2002 to 2005, and he says that Lindsay’s parents are very much to blame for her wild ways. He says they let her do whatever she wanted from a very young age – including sex and drugs – as long as she kept working because her paychecks kept them living in luxury. Page Six says:

Almeida says, "From a young age, she dealt with her father’s physical, emotional and drug abuses as well as her mother’s drinking."

Once, when Lindsay was 16, Michael flew into a rage while driving and "slammed on the brakes and dragged her out of the car, pushed her up against the hood, screamed at her and called her a slut. This was on the Long Island Expressway! I got in the middle of it and pulled him off."

Meanwhile, Dina often "let her do whatever she wanted, just to keep her happy and working . . . [At her 16th birthday party] Lindsay drank whatever she wanted – I saw her drinking beer and mixed drinks with my own eyes [without Dina’s intervention]."

As Lindsay’s manager, Dina – who was desperate to become a star herself – received 10 percent of her income. "Lindsay was the family cash cow – and she resented it," Almeida claims. "They counted on her to pay their bills . . . I saw Lindsay exhausted, begging her mother for some time off."

Young Lindsay’s parents looked the other way as she began a life of boozing, boys and drugs. When she was 15, they allowed her to share a room with her then-14-year-old boyfriend, Aaron Carter, at Loews in Miami Beach. Almeida relates, "They knew Lindsay was sleeping in Aaron’s room. But they seemed happy she had chosen somebody who could benefit her singing career."

By age 18, Lindsay had moved on to harder substances. Almeida recalls walking in on her and another celebrity in a closet at a club one night as they sniffed white powder.

The ex-bodyguard also claims Lindsay cried out for help for years by cutting herself and threatening suicide.

As if everyone didn’t already know all that. Well at least Tony will make a few bucks telling the same recycled story. What is new is the tough love from Michael Lohan when he called his daughter the slut she is. It’s true that Lindsay could have two pet rocks for parents, and they would give her better guidance, but now every teenager with an ounce of rebellion will want to have parent’s as cool and irresponsible as Lindsay’s. Good going Mr. Almeida.

Trivia: Tony Almeida was the name of Jack Bauer’s right-hand man for five seasons on “24.”

Gwen Stefani apparently has no doubts about breast-feeding, although she admits that the addition of little Kingston’s teeth has presented a bit of a challenge. Page Six reports:

GWEN Stefani enjoys breastfeeding so much, she doesn’t mind a bit of pain. The pop princess admits she’s still providing her son, Kingston, who was born in May 2006, with fresh milk, long after some mothers have given it up. "I don’t know when I’m going to stop breast-feeding," Stefani, 37, tells London’s Observer Woman magazine. "I’ll just keep going while I can – like, he’s getting his teeth, so it is a little bit scary. He’s bitten me a few times."

Shouldn’t the general guideline be that if he’s able to enjoy a steak and a glass of wine, it’s time to get off the boob? I’m jussayin’. Not to mention, how much milk can come from Gwen? I’ve seen bigger boobs on John Travolta.

Page Six is reporting that a "Crying Game"-esque scene from Director Brett Ratner’s upcoming film was inspired by a personal experience.

DIRECTOR Brett Ratner based a scene in "Rush Hour 3" on a sexual encounter he had with a transvestite. Asked by The Advocate about the sequence "when the girl takes off her wig and Chris Tucker becomes angry and accuses her of being a man," Ratner responded, "That’s from my personal experience. My first [oral sex] was from a man, but I didn’t know it was a man . . . I’m not homophobic or uptight about it. That happens to a lot of heterosexuals. You meet a girl in a bar, and it turns out she’s not a girl."

Who’s been feeding this guy his info?  The same guy who dishes out "It’s the motion of the ocean" mumbo jumbo?  This statement has inspired me to write a book:  "Size DOES Matter:  And the Thousand Other Manly Myths Dispelled."