Oktoberfest is kicking off in Germany, and they have already banned Paris Hilton from the event, but she showed up anyway. Here’s more:

Locals were outraged when the socialite, 26, arrived at the beer festival in plaits and traditional Bavarian dress to advertise a brand of canned wine. They accused organizers of selling out and making the event, which kicks off again this weekend, look shabby. Munich tourism chief Gabriele Weishaeupl announced yesterday that celebrity promotions “are completely prohibited by the new festival rules”.

In a way Paris didn’t break the rules, because she’s not really a celebrity, anymore. It’s hard to imagine that anyone could "cheapen" an event that consists of drinking, puking, sex in the bushes, and public urination, but organizers said she does, and they should know. I’m not surprised Paris showed up even though she was told to stay away, but I am surprised Paris was not hanging off OJ Simpson’s arm as he left jail in Las Vegas so she could get some face time with the cameras.

Paris is still trying to promote herself to saint status, so she wants to give away clothes to children’s charities. Here’s more:

"I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I’m going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children’s hospitals. I never wear something twice."

I don’t know many children that are 5’ 8" tall, and have a size 12 men’s shoe size. Kids with cancer get sick from bugs normal people don’t, so they might want to burn any clothes from Paris that have STD fluids on them, which means all of them.

While O.J. Simpson will get out of jail today on a $125,000 bond, one of his robbery victims is dying in the hospital from a massive heart attack. Most likely an anterior myocardial infarction, AKA the widow maker, from a blockage in the left anterior descending artery that supplies blood to the left heart ventricle, which pumps 75% of the blood.

The same guy, Bruce Fromong, in the hospital made the following statement on tape after he was robbed by O.J.:

An hour after the incident, Bruce Fromong, a sports memorabilia dealer and an alleged victim, can be heard ranting, "Nobody puts a gun in my f****n’ face. I stood up for that motherf***er in — in while he was in jail. I stood up for him in the press. I stood up for him on the, on the stand. I helped him set up his f***in’ offshore accounts. Don’t f**k with me."

Click here to listen to the tape. Fromong could be up on charges of conspiracy for helping O.J. hide his assets, but he would probably get a plea deal. For O.J. this proves the alleged robbery was with a deadly weapon, and that would mean a long jail sentence. Fred Goldman may now be able to discover other information that will aid in going after Simpson’s assets. Goldman might be willing to quit pursuing O.J.’s assets if he can have five minutes with O.J. strapped into an electric chair.

OJ Simpson was arrested today in Las Vegas, and is in jail awaiting a hearing. OJ, and several other men, robbed another man at gun point. As a result OJ is charged with 7 felonies and one gross misdemeanor. OJ and his cohorts were also caught on tape. The tape seals OJ’s fate. Click here to listen to it. Here’s what was said:

OJ: Don’t let nobody out this room. Motherf***ers! Think you can steal my S**t and sell it?

Some guy: No.

OJ: Don’t let nobody out of here. Motherf***er, you think you can steal my s**t?

The tape goes on from there. It’s time to squeeze OJ until the juice runs dry. This time the glove fits, and so will the noose. Click here to see OJ in handcuffs.

You just know OJ is waiting for someone to say, “Punk’d. We got you juice. We squeezed you good and hard.”

O.J. Simpson and five guys reportedly broke in to a hotel room in Las Vegas last evening, and took, by gun point, the suit O.J. was acquitted of murder in, and an NFL jersey that he believed was his. Simpson told a court in Florida he could not attend a bankruptcy case because he would be out of town, which must have meant Las Vegas. Police have questioned Simpson and released him.

Who were these five guys helping him? I already know. It’s not like it’s a secret. Who would help Simpson, even though most people believe he murdered his ex-wife? Think about it. All of the five guys that helped O.J. Simpson were also raped by their ex-wives in divorce court. America has a 70% divorce rate, and divorced guys are in and out of Las Vegas every day. The police shouldn’t even try to find these guys, they should just find their ex-wives. I’ll bet those guys’ ex-wives are watching the news right now saying, "That’s my ex-husband, that stupid m*ther f**ker. He hasn’t changed a bit." Find the ex-wives, and you’ll find the five guys. With O.J., the police already know he did it, just like last time.

Update:

O.J. Simpson is denying that he broke into a casino hotel room in Las Vegas.

He tells The Associated Press that he went to the room to get memorabilia that belonged to him, but he says he didn’t break in.

Simpson says he was conducting a "sting operation" to collect his belongings when he was escorted into the room at the Palace Station casino.

How did he conduct a “sting operation?” Is O.J. a cop now?

For sixty years, O.J. Simpson has been taking up space on this earth. How does a killer celebrate his birthday? Hanging out with Kato Kalin? Perhaps he’s pondering absurd follow-ups to "If I Did It." Maybe "Murdering for Dummies." Or "From the NFL to the Gates of Hell." There’s always "Fifteen Ways to Leave Your Lover, But All You Need is One."

More importantly, what does one buy a cold-blooded murderer? We’re thinking a license plate holder that says, "I’d Rather Be Killing." Whatever it is, O.J., we hope that your birthday plans fit you like a glove!