Bai Ling has posed topless for Photographie Magazine. Bai is 37 years-old, and look at those nipples and breasts. She’s still hot. Chinese food = perky breasts, and a delicious meal.

Update: Wikipedia sucks sometimes. They have her age listed as 46, with a birthdate of October 10, 1961. Pffft. Her real birthdate is October 10, 1970, which makes her 37.

The pictures below are NSFW.

Luana De Faveri (31) is an Australian barmaid who plead guilty, and was fined, for "crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend’s nipples." Police said crushing beer cans between her breasts is a breach of hotel licensing laws. A local police superintendent said:

"It sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behaviour in our licensed premises."

This barmaid is my new hero. Sure Superman can leap tall buildings, run faster than a speeding train, and catch a bullet between his teeth, but crushing beer cans between two large healthy breasts tops it all.

Britney Spears is only wearing pasties over her nipples in this uncut version of her Gimme More music video. The quality is really crap, but it’s the only one around right now. I hope her next album isn’t about a mommy who strips to make money to feed her kids. In reality, mommy will be doing Jenny Craig commercials just to support her Cheetos habit. The bonus I was talking about is in the pictures below. Britney still can’t keep her legs together when exiting a car, meaning more upskirt pictures. More news about the custody case. Kevin Federline is claiming Britney hit him several times during the marriage, and is likely to hit the kids too if she gets angry. She did attack that white SUV with an umbrella, and she did say she would “kill” a paparazzi she attacked in Las Vegas. The judge ordered Britney not to use corporal punishment on the boys. Poor Britney, she’s such a victim. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! … sobbing, mascara running down my face, ice cream on my lap, and walls plastered with Britney pictures … The end.

Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards have been offered $1 million from Playboy to pose nude together. The Sun says:

"Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they’re seriously considering it." Pammi met Denise on the set of Blonde And Blonder last year, where they became friends.

Pam just payed off a gambling debt with sex, and now she’s engaged to the guy, and Denise is accusing ex Charlie Sheen of being a pedophile to try to get child support. They both are desperate for cash, and it’s not like they haven’t posed naked before. Thankfully Playboy uses photoshop, which can make an old hag look like a young hottie. Britney Spears reportedly offered to pose nude for Hugh Hefner, but he only offered her $400,000, or maybe Britney offered Hef the money. Britney’s bipolar personality confuses me. One minute her nipples are pointing North and South, and the next they’re laser beams causing planes to crash.

Britney Spears was out partying again with her smashed up white Mercedes, and it looks like she might have parked in a handicap space, or at least 3 feet into one. That’s gonna really piss off the chick who parks there when she goes out to party, which is why she drives a monster truck that she’ll park right on top of Britney’s car. Those bugged out eyes, blue contacts, crap brown hair that hasn’t been washed or combed in days, that too tight silk shirt with grease stains, and those lumpy breasts with nipples that point in opposite directions and rest on Britney’s belly, really get me hot. Britney used to make me puke in my mouth, but now my standards are pretty low, ever since I broke my arms. It’s rough. I can’t adjust myself, so I have to sit on my nuts to type these articles with a pen in my mouth. I don’t mind though. I do it all for you. You’re welcome.