Us Magazine has confirmed with MTV that whorrendous Brit Brit will, indeed, be the opening act at this Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas. She’ll be singing the song "Gimme More," which is coincidentally what she says when she disappears into the bathroom stalls at clubs.

The pop star collaborated with illusionist Criss Angel, star of A&E’s Mindfreak, on "some of the moments of the performance," says Jesse Ignjatovic, the executive producer of this year’s VMAs. Ignjatovic said it was important to secure Spears, 25, for the big show’s opening number.

In a never-before mindfreakalicious treat, he will get Britney to actually sing instead of lip synch. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!

"I guess, looking back, we’ve had a great history with her," he said. "I wanted to start the show in a very big and dramatic way, and she’s the one to do that. She’ll captivate everyone, and set the tone for the rest of the night. There’s no one better."

Though a Justin Timberlake source tells Us that rumors of a Timberlake/Spears duet are "patently false," fans should still expect to be surprised.

“She’s planning it to be a big comeback performance,” a Spears insider tells Us, adding that the goal is to make it “shocking.”

C’mon, do they actually think we can be shocked by Britney anymore? She could show up in astronaut diapers, a full beard, and give a horse a hummer on stage and we’d all just laugh and say, "Oh Britney!"

Lauren Conrad from The Hills was filming in her bikini on a beach. Life is so hard for those girls from The Hills. E! Online’s Answer B!tch provided a ball-park estimate of reality star incomes, including Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag from MTV’s series The Hills:

Well, Lauren "L.C." Conrad does get to operate ongoing hot war with Heidi Montag in the pages of Us Weekly every week, free of charge. If that’s not a fine compensation, I don’t know what is. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. How about an estimated $10,000 to $25,000 per episode? That’s the general industry range for top reality stars such as Conrad, Montag, wannabe K-Fed or Spencer Pratt.

A reality star is what a spoiled pretty girl becomes when she’s too lazy to make an honest living as an escort.

This is Audrina Patridge (22) from MTV’s The Hills. Directors from the show are careful to keep a life guard on duty in the event that Audrina ventures too far out into the water. She doesn’t know how to swim, and right now she can’t afford a pair of life preservers, which are commonly referred to in Hollywood as fake boobs.

Britney Spears is planning to shock and wow the world with her MTV comeback performance. Here’s more:

Of primary importance: her collaboration with Criss Angel on an opening act for MTV’s Video Music Awards, which she reportedly presented to network reps on August 27.

…“She’s planning it to be a big comeback performance,” says a Spears insider, who adds that the goal is to make it “shocking.” One early idea that was canned. Performing “My Prerogative” amid a medley of hits, as images of exes Justin Timberlake, 26, and Kevin Federline, 29, and other gossip fodder flashed on a screen behind her.

As for a report that she’d do a duet with Timberlake? “Totally, patently false,” says a Timberlake source.

No matter what Britney does during her MTV performance I doubt anyone will be shocked, afterwards it would be nice to see her reaction when she is told … no one watched. What would be shocking, would be Britney cancelling her MTV performance, going back to rehab, retiring from music for now, cleaning up her act, and becoming a good mother.

Attention whore and, well, just plain whore, Heidi Montag, received some surfing lessons from fiance, Spencer Pratt, while he enjoyed his bootylicious view. Moon River! She was once known for her time on MTV’s "The Hills," but now she’s just known for having disproportionately large fake ta tas.

In related news, Us Magazine is reporting that the ongoing battle between Lauren Conrad of "The Hills" and Heidi has gotten so heated, Heidi apparently refused to take MTV’s promotional photos on the same day as L.C.

By July, the estrangement was so palpable, Montag didn’t take the MTV’s promotional photographs for season three of The Hills the same day as the rest of the cast, instead posing by herself in the studio for separate pics that had to be Photoshopped in later.

Ironically, Heidi asked to have a new fiance photoshopped in with her, as this guy is such a top notch tool.