Tommy Lee, who was on the receiving end of all the smacks and slaps during the 15-second "fight" started by Kid Rock at the Video Music Awards, is getting his licks in all modern-style like, by posting his story on his Web site.

Here, in all of its misspelled-and-dot-dot-dot-dot-ridden glory, is the Tommy Lee smack down. With words, people. With words.

Take THAT Kid "Pebble."

Yeah!! …..here I am minding my own biz having a great time with my friend Criss Angel (magician) and watching the MTV awards in the front row saying hello to all my friends……Pamela comes and sits on my lap who I love and adore….and also say hello to my friend Travis Barker and his wife!…..and i get a text from another friend P. Diddy and he says come sit with me…..and he’s sitting with Miss HOT Megan FOX so I go over and sit with P! Not a minute later and Alicia Keys starts her amazing performance….("I apologize sweetie…..I had nothing to do with the timing and disrespect")……back to the stupid-ness!!….so….. I get a tap on the shoulder from Kid Pebble…I stand up and embrace him with a semi hug and say "Hey dude…What up"?? He punches me in the face…..well if ya wanna call it that!?….more like a bitch slap!…….Wuss!! Anyway….i go to knock this jealous country bumpkin the f$%k OUT….and before I can have a meeting with my fist and his ugly a** mug ….security guards… grab me and haul my a** outta the award show! So I’m fine and of course leave to my room with police and owner of the Palm’s George Maloof……the rest is paper work and bullsh*#%!… Anyway…… I would like to apologize to Alicia and George and MTV for the disrespectful bull*#% caused by a piece of *#% called Kid Pebble!!

Much Love always!!…..Tommy!!

How could Pamela Anderson ever leave this mental giant? All other men must just pale in comparison.

And, yeah, we edited the bad words as if the Internet is a comic strip, but we just wanted to make sure we didn’t offend your delicate sensibilities with Tommy’s raw rock-and-roll communication.

Tommy Lee. He’s raw!

Before the 2007 MTV VMA started Kanye West’s massive ego kicked into high gear. He started bad mouthing our beloved Britney Spears. He said:

"Honestly, I really don’t care," he told Us Saturday at Rolling Stone’s 40th Anniversary bash at Las Vegas’ Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. "I don’t give a f–k about Britney performing."

"I should have opened the MTV awards because ’Stronger’ is the number one album in the country," he said. "It just shows you that you have to do s–t to get ratings, and maybe they feel like they will get more ratings with Britney.

"Britney’s song isn’t as good as ’Stronger,’" he went on. "This is some bulls-t, and I don’t really care."

As the show was ending West grew even more angry. He threw a temper tantrum in front of the media and crew backstage saying he was "shut out" at the Video Music Awards. As he waited for an elevator in a crowded hallway West began yelling about losing all five categories he was nominated for. He said:

"That’s two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance," West said, stomping around his entourage and directing his comments at a reporter. "I’m trying hard man, I have the … number one record, man."

Then West said something that was music to my ears, "I will never return to MTV." This guy cries more than a kid being dropped off for his first day at daycare. Click here to see him throw a fit at the Europe MTV VMAs.

Paris Hilton was embarrassed at the MTV awards the other night (see video here) by Sarah Silverman. Get your sleeping pill ready and brace yourself, because Paris can’t take a joke. I was so shocked myself. After being humiliated by Sarah, Paris said,

"She’s a f_ _ king b_tch. I hate her."

Paris can blame Sarah all she wants, but what about the thousands of other real stars in the crowd that laughed themselves sick? Sarah is my new hero. I heard she can run faster than a speeding train, leap over tall buildings, and catch a bullet in her teeth too.

Before entering jail Paris Hilton DID have to undergo a body cavity search as part of the booking process at the jail. I hope the guard who did the search triple gloved, and washed her hands in gasoline, because she’s likely to have caught some sort of horrible disease that makes T.B. Andy’s look like a mild cold.


Dr. Charles Sophy, the Beverly Hills therapist who has been treating Paris for the past eight months, entered the jail with Hilton’s lawyer, Richard A. Hutton, Tuesday and stayed for about two hours. Those are the only visitors Paris has had so far. Only professionals are allowed to see inmates during the week; visiting hours for family and friends begin on the weekend.

A source says, "Paris cries all day. She looks unwashed, she has no makeup and her hair is tangled. She cried audibly through the first two nights."

If they did a live televised a video feed following every moment of Paris’ incarceration it would probably break most watched records. People would probably forget to eat, or sleep, or even go to work. There might even be world peace, and if that happened the President would have to Pardon her, and the Pope would make her a saint.

It’s a really good night when Sarah Silverman talks about famous vaginas, bashes drug addict Lindsay Lohan, and bashes drunk driver and drug addict Paris Hilton who the camera kept going to so we could all see her sour puss as she reacted to Sarah’s bashing while the audience cheered. Paris is now the clown of tinsel town. Oh, and she mentioned Cisco Adler’s balls. Click here to see them.