In Touch Weekly Shares Amazing Instant Weight-Loss Secret

We were actually surprised. This "exclusive" is apparently all about wearing the right clothes for your body, standing up straight, Spanx, etc.

Stars. Instant weight loss…

The first thing that popped into mind, after stylists of course, was crystal meth. Or maybe stylists AND crystal meth, the fastest route to sub-size-zero.

Next thing you know, the magazines are going to start telling us that the "secret" to weight loss is stop eating so much and get your ass in gear…and that, along with personal chefs, celebrity trainers, hours in the gym, and plastic surgery, is how the stars do it.

Hey! Wait a minute. That’s the Jessica Simpson story.

Fergie Once Talked To A Hamper For Eight Hours

Meth is a crazy drug. And it makes crazy people do even crazier things. Pop sex kitten Fergie has opened up about her "former" meth habit in the new Self magazine, and her stories are simply awesome. She confessed that during one particularly bad trip she ended up talking to a clothes hamper for eight straight hours.

"I remember thinking somebody was inside of it, going to come and get me, so I was talking to the person who was crawling in the hamper."

You just can’t write better stuff than this.