Britney Spears pulled a Michael Jackson appearance, finally making it to court half a day late to talk to the judge about denying her emergency request to see her children. Looks like she found her cigarettes, and slept off the affect of those sleeping pills. She was met at the courthouse, and escorted to the courtroom by 15 Sheriff’s deputies. She wore a black shirt, and jeans, and she is drinking a Coke in court. With her history with Coke maybe Pepsi would have been a better choice today. Britney kept her sunglasses on in court, because she’s got pink eye from keeping her head up her butt. Britney’s lawyer asked the media to leave so stay tuned for updates to this post …

Update: Britney has just left the courtroom in tears and extremely upset. What did she expect after showing complete disrespect for the judge, and our legal system? Mark Vincent Kaplan will release a statement in about 30 minutes.

Update 2: L.A. County Court Commissioner Scott Gordon is allowing Britney Spears one overnight visit with her kids per week, but only if it is monitored. Monitored by who, her mom, or the court ordered monitor?

Update 3: Kevin’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, said after the hearing, that he met with Britney’s lawyers during the lunch hour and told the court that they all agreed to “slightly increase” Britney’s visitation. In other words, K-Fed agreed to give Britney a break, and a chance. The parties have not reached an agreement on who the monitor will be, however, the parties also said they have not chosen a different monitor than the one already in place as ordered originally by the court. This means Britney’s mom won’t be the monitor unless the two sides agree to it. Kaplan added, “…there are protections already in place for the kids.”

You literally heard it here first. That headline was an omen of what was to come. Today it’s official. Britney Spears was ordered by a Los Angeles court to turn over physical custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James to their father Kevin Federline. TMZ reports:

L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon issued an order today, stating that Kevin Federline, the boys’ father, "is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court."

Judge Gordon had ordered Spears to undergo random drug testing and take parenting classes. Sources say Federline’s powerhouse lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan (left), raised the issue that Spears was driving without a valid California driver’s license…

… Spears took the kids to the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. at 12:02 this afternoon and surrendered the kids to K-Fed’s bodyguard three minutes later.

A source connected with the case says Spears was not focusing on the judge’s order last month, and she may not have attended the parenting classes or performed the required drug and alcohol testing.

Britney really earned this decision, so she can call it her own. The only surprise is that the judge didn’t turn the kids over to Federline a lot sooner. Only Britney would take the kids through the Carl’s Jr. drive-thru before turning them over. She probably only got herself something, cause momma hungry, momma gotta eat, baby no cry, make momma mad. Last week Britney cried as she left her first drug test. It’s possible she failed the test. Kevin’s lawyer pointed out that Britney has been charged with hit-and-run, plus driving without a valid license. Click here to see video of the accident. She filled out part of the paperwork at the DMV, but never completed it, so she has no license, and has been driving despite the charges, even on the day she turned the kids over.

Picture row 1: Over the weekend, Britney went out for Greek food at Taverna Toni in Malibu, but is too lazy to carry even one of her two kids she brought there. Do kids like Greek food?

Picture row 2: Pictures of Britney smashed white Mercedes which was obviously in an another car accident, after her black one which was involved in the hit-and-run accident. A second accident even though she shouldn’t even be driving.

Picture row 3 and 4: Over the weekend Britney went out for Mexican food, and looks like she may have brought a margarita home with her. Open alcohol containers are illegal in cars. Perhaps the judge saw these pictures too.

Picture row 5: Over the weekend, Britney takes her dog to Starbucks. Where are the kids?

Picture row 6 and 7: Last night about midnight Britney runs out of gas a second time, and the paparazzi have to fill’er up, again. Then she shops at Ralph’s. What is she doing out at midnight when she has the kids at home for the weekend?

The judge probably knows about all of this, and is finally, I mean FINALLY forcing Britney to be responsible for her actions. Don’t forget about Britney’s former bodyguard who submitted a declaration about Britney’s bad behavior. She was even banned from the Chateau Marmont for smearing food all over her face. What is it going to take for Britney to start acting like an adult? The judge is her daddy now, and he’s finally showing Britney some tough love. First Britney lost her car keys, then her husband, then her mind, and now her kids.

Britney Spears is just like so many people in America, here’s more:

Britney Spears was fed anti-depressant drugs minutes prior to her lackluster performance at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday after a heated row with a hair stylist. The tormented pop star angrily disapproved of the chosen hairstyle for her comeback at the Las Vegas ceremony and flew into "blind panic", according to reports. A doctor was dispatched to the Palms Casino resort to give the star prescription drugs. A source tells The Sun, "Britney took enough to floor an elephant. They calmed her down, but were clearly too effective. "The scene in the dressing room before the show was one of absolute blind panic. She knew she hadn’t rehearsed enough and was going to mess up the whole show and possibly her career – then she saw her hairdo and it was the final straw. She went into a wild rage and started lashing out at everyone – including her stylist."

If you were the elephant in the room, wouldn’t you need something to calm you down? Just take a look at Britney’s female dancers. They’ve got legs like tree trunks, and big a$$ booties. She knew she looked fat 2 years ago. She talks like she’s still the queen, but she’s just a mess like the rest of us. I don’t want to see Britney like that. I can walk through a Walmart and see a white trash mess wearing mismatching clothes, wigs, and weird hats any day of the week. I want a hot Britney, who can dance and sing. I want hot white trash that rises above the trailer park. Somebody smack this girl, and tell her to get her crap straight or we’re gonna take away her toys.

After her failed comeback appearance she’s now meeting with Kevin Federline at his attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan’s office. Here’s more:

“Britney asked for [the meeting]. She wants to put an end to this public debacle," says the Spears source. “However, Kevin [has] refused. He needs more money so he’s determined to win this.”

Court documents released Aug. 30 show that Spears’s income is $737,868 a month and that Ferderline receives $20,000 a month in spousal support but has no “net income after business expenses.”

I took a survey recently and it turns out that 99.9% of Americans believe Kevin Federline is a loser, but in another survey Americans believe Britney is an even bigger loser. They are perfect for each other. When white trash couples have kids it’s called incest, but we can’t judge them because we don’t understand their culture, and we’d be some kind of cultural racist. To most Americans Kevin and Britney don’t seem like British royalty, or like our beloved Kennedy royalty, but to the under belly of America those two are like a good scratch. Most people don’t know how much white trash has done for this country. White trash gave us birth defects, tattoo parlors, doggy style, and how can we forget, Kevin and Britney.

Britney Spears is under investigation for possible child abuse. According to TMZ:

An unscheduled hearing was held today at L.A. County Superior Court. Present — Britney’s lawyer, Dennis Wasser, K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan and a lawyer from the Los Angeles County Counsel who is assigned to the dependency court. We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation. A hearing in the custody case has been scheduled for September 4, which will be a follow up to today’s appearance.

Britney may be guilty of wearing ugly hats, strange wigs, and having no fashion sense, but all she’s guilty of is having a great body. It’s not like they found babies buried in her yard, or cigarette burns on her kids. Britney is no different than many irresponsible mothers throughout the U.S. Sure it’s true she’s not a great parent, and as bad as Kevin Federline is he’s still a better parent, barely. How is this going to help this family or make the kids safer? It’s not, but taking the kids away from Britney would make us all feel better. After all, she dumped that loser K-Fed, then failed to make a comeback. For that she shall be punished. Courts are all about winners and losers, not being fair and balanced, and the real losers are always the kids.

The allegation being made is rumored to be that Britney has been slipping alcohol into the kids’ drinks so they’ll stay calm and go to sleep easier.

Below is Lynne Spears baby sitting the kids at Kevin Federline’s house. Britney won’t let grandpa and grandma near the kids.

Kevin Federline’s attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan filed paperwork yesterday requesting the 50/50 temporary custody agreement be modified. Although the filing is under seal, it’s an easy guess he wants primary custody of the kids. Everyone already knows how crazy Britney is by now, and knows she has issues with drinking and drugs. Any judge allowing Britney to have custody at this point would be in more trouble than the sherrif that let Paris Hilton go home after only a few days in jail. Just yesterday we posted pictures of Britney Spears topless in a pool with some gay college dude.

Personally, I think Jayden should get custody of his older brother Sean, and then they could make a bosom buddies-type sitcom about the two toddlers dressing up like women to live in their women only nyc condo.

That’s a new hat Britney is trying on in the picture above. Comments?