You literally heard it here first. That headline was an omen of what was to come. Today it’s official. Britney Spears was ordered by a Los Angeles court to turn over physical custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James to their father Kevin Federline. TMZ reports:

L.A. County Superior Court Judge Scott Gordon issued an order today, stating that Kevin Federline, the boys’ father, "is to retain physical custody of the minor children on Wednesday, October 3, 2007 at 12:00 PM until further order of the court."

Judge Gordon had ordered Spears to undergo random drug testing and take parenting classes. Sources say Federline’s powerhouse lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan (left), raised the issue that Spears was driving without a valid California driver’s license…

… Spears took the kids to the drive-thru at Carl’s Jr. at 12:02 this afternoon and surrendered the kids to K-Fed’s bodyguard three minutes later.

A source connected with the case says Spears was not focusing on the judge’s order last month, and she may not have attended the parenting classes or performed the required drug and alcohol testing.

Britney really earned this decision, so she can call it her own. The only surprise is that the judge didn’t turn the kids over to Federline a lot sooner. Only Britney would take the kids through the Carl’s Jr. drive-thru before turning them over. She probably only got herself something, cause momma hungry, momma gotta eat, baby no cry, make momma mad. Last week Britney cried as she left her first drug test. It’s possible she failed the test. Kevin’s lawyer pointed out that Britney has been charged with hit-and-run, plus driving without a valid license. Click here to see video of the accident. She filled out part of the paperwork at the DMV, but never completed it, so she has no license, and has been driving despite the charges, even on the day she turned the kids over.

Picture row 1: Over the weekend, Britney went out for Greek food at Taverna Toni in Malibu, but is too lazy to carry even one of her two kids she brought there. Do kids like Greek food?

Picture row 2: Pictures of Britney smashed white Mercedes which was obviously in an another car accident, after her black one which was involved in the hit-and-run accident. A second accident even though she shouldn’t even be driving.

Picture row 3 and 4: Over the weekend Britney went out for Mexican food, and looks like she may have brought a margarita home with her. Open alcohol containers are illegal in cars. Perhaps the judge saw these pictures too.

Picture row 5: Over the weekend, Britney takes her dog to Starbucks. Where are the kids?

Picture row 6 and 7: Last night about midnight Britney runs out of gas a second time, and the paparazzi have to fill’er up, again. Then she shops at Ralph’s. What is she doing out at midnight when she has the kids at home for the weekend?

The judge probably knows about all of this, and is finally, I mean FINALLY forcing Britney to be responsible for her actions. Don’t forget about Britney’s former bodyguard who submitted a declaration about Britney’s bad behavior. She was even banned from the Chateau Marmont for smearing food all over her face. What is it going to take for Britney to start acting like an adult? The judge is her daddy now, and he’s finally showing Britney some tough love. First Britney lost her car keys, then her husband, then her mind, and now her kids.

Tyra Banks was in New York City shooting a commercial promoting the move of her show from Los Angeles to New York. In the title I said she was on the "Fat" "Walk." You see what I did there. I said fat walk without ever calling her fat. It’s implied, but I really don’t think she’s fat. She’s like 5’10", and I’ll bet if you check her BMI you’d find that she’s not overweight. I’m not really turned on by models, but if I think of her as a Tyrannosaurus Rex with those giant thighs and tiny arms, I really start getting hot. Rarr.

Page Six is reporting that Marilyn Manson is being sued by his keyboard player for wasting money on demented items as opposed to actually paying him the money he supposedly promised him.

INSTEAD of paying his keyboard player, Marilyn Manson squandered his band’s earnings on "sick and disturbing purchases of Nazi memorabilia and taxidermy (including the skeleton of a young Chinese girl,)" a lawsuit being filed today in Los Angeles charges. Keyboard man Stephen "Pogo" Bier accuses the Goth rocker and his "musketeers" (his business manager, lawyer and the band’s manager) of assisting Manson "in filching millions of dollars the band made over the years."

So the guy’s got a few skeletons in his closet.  Look, I mean–he might be a little strange, but who hasn’t had a relative or two stuffed and then hung them on the wall…ya know, for the sake of posterity.  I’m jussayin’. 

Lindsay Lohan may get 6 months in jail, which means roads would be a little safer in Los Angeles until Lohan gets out of jail. Here’s what the AP says:

If Lohan is charged with a crime, she could ask a judge to order her to remain in rehabilitation while she awaits trial, Sands said.

…if she is convicted, the rehab time would count against whatever jail sentence is issued, Sands said.
Lohan has never been convicted of a drug or alcohol crime and judges routinely place first-time DUI offenders on probation rather than behind bars. However, Lohan’s case could be complicated because she also was arrested for investigation of felony DUI in Beverly Hills on Memorial Day after her Mercedes-Benz crashed into a curb. If she is convicted of two felonies in the two cases, she might be eligible for 18 months or more in state prison but such a sentence is unlikely.

Lohan probably will have to do some time in county jail simply because prosecutors and judges saw the backlash when Paris Hilton was briefly allowed to serve her DUI sentence at home instead of jail. That scrutiny means that Lohan, if convicted, probably will get some jail time regardless of whether it is warranted in her case.

“I would say this woman’s going to be doing at least 30 days” and perhaps as long as 180 days if she is convicted of two DUIs along with drug possession, Taylor said.

The 911 tapes were released of Lohan’s former assistant’s mom saying she is being chased. The mom just keeps saying OMG, OMG, OMG. She honestly sounds like she’s scared, and no doubt Lindsay was laughing like a hyena the whole time. Click here to listen to the tape. In Lohan’s defense, she thought she was driving a bumper car. What do you want from her? I mean her brain is the size of a pea, so breathing is a tough decision for her.

The guest list read like a Who’s Who in Hollywood and then some.

Predictably, Jada Pinkett Smith looked angry.

Avoiding smiling at all costs, Victoria Beckham teetered around on the most strippified, stripper shoes we’ve ever seen while narrowly avoiding flashing the cameras. Hey guys! Check out my new wax!!

And Katie Holmes appeared demure, classy and gorgeous as she towered over hubby Tom Cruise. Hey guys! Never mind Posh, check out the heels on MY shoes!

Also present to get their pictures taken…er…welcome the Beckhams were Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, Brooke Shields and husband Chris Henchy, and pretty much anyone else who doesn’t want to be on Jada’s bad side. Hey guys! You better not be writing mean things about my very close friends, the amazing and wonderful Cruises.

We’re not kidding…she gives the scariest evil looks.

Check out Jada’s mean eyes and see lots more photos…