Lindsay Lohan did a Funny or Die eHarmony profile spoof video, and although it has a sarcastic tone to it, everything Lindsay says is true, and she doesn’t get the irony.

Lindsay couldn’t afford a real eHarmony account, and she is looking for someone, so this was the next best thing.

Lindsay Lohan spent Friday night drinking a lot of alcohol on Friday night according to OK! magazine. Lindsay started her night at a birthday party for James Krisel. Lindsay was at the party with five guys including Patrick Aufdenkamp. A party guest said:

"People were pouring vodka into her red party cup all night. She was way beyond incoherent. She was totally smashed and couldn’t even form a sentence. She looked so lonely and lost."

Lindsay stayed at the get-together until just before 3 a.m. and then moved on to her next pre-dawn party.

We’re not at all surprised. Once an addict always an addict.

Lindsay Lohan is mood swinging into the rosy delusional positive end of the emotional spectrum again. Lindsay took her much older looking sister Ali Lohan to the Shamrock Social Club tattoo parlor at 3 am last night, where Lindsay got another tattoo on her wrist.

Good thing 15 year-old Ali doesn’t have to go to school until later in the morning, if she even goes to school.

Lindsay also got her haired dyed red again at Byron & Tracey Salon in Beverly Hills, then she had dinner with mom and sis where mom actually paid the bill. They must have ordered water and a salad.

According to an item in Thursday’s NY Post, Dina Lohan, who is more famous for boozing and partying with her daughter than for actually being a responsible parent, is now "begging Lindsay’s friends to go there and help her."

Says the paper’s source, "All of Lindsay’s life, Dina never acted like a role model. She only ever wanted to be her friend. Lindsay keeps getting used, and she never stood a chance at happiness."

Even those who are paid to watch out for her have abandoned ship, says the report. "Lindsay is on hiatus with her publicist because she’s not working or booking jobs," says the paper’s insider. "She is completely unmanageable. It has never been possible to control her or advise her. Lindsay needs to get psychiatric help."

Today Dr. Drew Pinsky talked about his book The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America. In the book Pinsky specifically names Lindsay Lohan. The doc says:

"I think Lindsay is one of my peeps, she’s a straight-up addict. I’ve been saying for awhile she’s going to have a major blowout. Major torch-out before she becomes motivated to capitulate to treatment."

Lindsay shows all the signs of a narcissistic addict. I wonder how many times she looks at herself in the mirror every day without ever actually seeing her true ugly inner self.

The Beverly Hills cops confirmed that Samantha Ronson family members asked about a restraining order following Samantha’s breakup with Lindsay Lohan. Ronson’s attorney, David Bass, clarifies that:

"Samantha has no plan to request a restraining order. There is no basis for one."

A source close to Samantha says:

"Sam does not want a restraining order against Lindsay Lohan. Sam had nothing to do with the restraining order against Lindsay that the police are talking about."

"Sam and Lindsay are broken up, but Sam does not feel she’s in any danger whatsoever. She thinks the whole thing is absurd."

Another source said Lindsay and Samantha "are totally communicating."

Lindsay is under the delusional impression that her and Samantha are not over, but just taking a break, we’ve heard that one before. Lindsay told the paparazzi while out shopping in Century City in the video above:

"You make it seem like it’s over, it’s not. People take breaks … it’s OK … it’s normal … focus on themselves."

Hollywood.tv reported on Twitter two hours ago that:

"Lindsay Lohan was out last night at a Tattoo Parlor. She was calling the paps to see who Samantha was with at the Chateau Marmont."

Samantha might want to rethink the whole restraining order before Lindsay does something really desperate and crazy. We’ll let you know if we see Lindsay shopping for umbrellas.

Lindsay’s paternal grandmother Marilyn, who lives in Long Island, New York, says she is "heartbroken" to see her granddaughter this way:

"We’d all like to reach out to her. We’re all here for her and we’d love to see her. Me, as a grandmother, I’d like to try and help her out, but she’s not here, she’s in L.A."

"I think she needs her family in her life, but they’re not. They should be. I haven’t seen her in over a year. I don’t know what happened. I’m heartbroken."

The elder Lohan also blames the young Hollywood lifestyle of nightclubs and late-night partying. "What happened is that it was too much too fast. And she was on her own too early. She was too young," she says. "And they get into that party scene. It’s very hard for them."

So what’s Marilyn’s message for her granddaughter? "I love her, call me, I’m here for her, and anything I can do, please get in touch."

And like any supportive relative, Marilyn still has high hopes for Lohan’s career: "She’s very talented. She always was. I know she’ll come back."

As for splitting with Ronson, grandma approves: "I don’t think she should be with her."

Apparently grandma doesn’t approve of Lindsay’s relationship with Samantha. Now we know why Lindsay hasn’t called her. Anyone who tries to give Lindsay advise that might put her on a path that isn’t self destructive gets put on hold.

Lindsay is an addict. Everything Lindsay does she become addicted to, even relationships. Before this is over, Lindsay may end up in legal trouble again. This has nothing to do with life in Los Angeles, it has everything to do with Lindsay’s narcissistic, obsessive compulsive, addictive personality. Lindsay would have the same problems no matter where she lives.

Lindsay Lohan has friends that are worried she is suicidal, but she still sat down with Us Weekly for an interview. She call the breakup with Samantha Ronson "humiliating." She says "It’s absolute hell." She calls the night Samantha had five bodyguards keep her out of a family party "The worst night of my life."

The next day Ronson changed the locks on her Hollywood Hills home to keep Lohan out. On Monday, Ronson’s mom and sister asked police about obtaining a restraining order against Lohan, Beverly Hills Sgt. Nutall confirmed.

Naricissistic, selfish, and mean Lohan said through tears:

"I’m not a bad person and this is what happens. I was raised to treat people well, and I’m so tired of this drama."

Lohan says without Ronson she is "so alone."

Lohan whines:

"I’m a f–king 22-year-old girl who’s in love. I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie."

The only person Lohan loves is herself. She is the mean girl.

Ronson had repeatedly tried to break up with Lohan over the past month, but each time a source says:

"Lindsay threatens to kill herself, she [Ronson] cares about her but wants out."

Lohan laughs upon hearing that, saying she’s okay.

"I’m just really hurt! The whole situation is sick."

We think Lohan loves herself too much to take her own life.

On the night Lohan was locked out of Ronson’s party more details have emerged.

When Lohan couldn’t party at Bar Marmont she then snuck into the bungalow area of the Chateau and went on a door-knocking rampage. The actress obviously heard word of an all-girls night in and even though she didn’t know the party peeps personally, she wanted to be part of the action.

"There was a knock-at-the door and Lindsay Lohan was there," an eyewitness told Tarts. "She was as orange as a carrot and her pupils were as big as quarters. She looked awful!"

Apparently the 22-year-old introduced herself and said "Let’s party!" but even when the ladies tried to close the door on her she continued to push back. Eventually the annoyed guests locked the door, but our girl stayed pounding away for another minute before (finally) getting the hint and moving on.

Lohan eventually turned to Twitter for comfort after the night fell flat, reportedly tweeting on her private page about how her DJ lover had been turning-the-tables with other ladies.

Lohan is desperate, lonely, and vulnerable right now. Someone is probably planning to move in to take over her life. Who will it be?