It’s official: Britney Spears has become a caricature of herself. You honestly just can’t make this shizz up. On the night before she was expected in Las Vegas for rehearsals for the VMA’s, Brit Brit thought fit to do what she knows best…show up to a club wearing her token fedora/no-pants combo. Sponge Brit No Pants! Hole in the pantyhose sold separately. Us Magazine reports:

The night before she was expected in Las Vegas to rehearse her single “Gimme More” with illusionist Criss Angel, the perennial party girl, 25, hit up L.A. club Opera.

Accompanied by her cousin Alli Sims, Spears — clad in a cream fedora, gray mini-dress with stockings, knee-high boots and long pearl necklaces — settled into a corner booth around 12:32 a.m. (Her wig of choice? A blonde, shoulder-length number.)

“Britney was in a great mood all night, smiling, laughing, upbeat,” a witness says, who adds that Spears also smoked a few cigarettes and danced to Rihanna’s “Umbrella.”

“She was really getting into the songs,” the onlooker says.

Apparently, she worked up a thirst: “Britney drank beer, vodka cranberry and vodka tonic,” says the witness.

Sucking a lollypop, Spears left hand-in-hand with Sims at 1:45 a.m.

Alas, the two called it a night after hitting a Wendy’s drive-thru around 2:20 a.m.

Nothing says comeback like showing up half-cocked and bloated! You go Brit!

Apparently they’ll let any boy-bander turned…turned what…what does he do these days anyway? Well, Nick Lachey is opening a new restaurant in Vegas. Us Magazine reports:

A source tells Us the singer, 33, is opening an American-style restaurant, Company American Bistro, at Las Vegas’ Luxor Hotel & Casino, in partnership with Pure Management Group. His co-owners? Nicky Hilton, 23, and Wilmer Valderrama, 27.

Their specialty? Douche a L’Orange.

Us Magazine has confirmed with MTV that whorrendous Brit Brit will, indeed, be the opening act at this Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas. She’ll be singing the song "Gimme More," which is coincidentally what she says when she disappears into the bathroom stalls at clubs.

The pop star collaborated with illusionist Criss Angel, star of A&E’s Mindfreak, on "some of the moments of the performance," says Jesse Ignjatovic, the executive producer of this year’s VMAs. Ignjatovic said it was important to secure Spears, 25, for the big show’s opening number.

In a never-before mindfreakalicious treat, he will get Britney to actually sing instead of lip synch. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!

"I guess, looking back, we’ve had a great history with her," he said. "I wanted to start the show in a very big and dramatic way, and she’s the one to do that. She’ll captivate everyone, and set the tone for the rest of the night. There’s no one better."

Though a Justin Timberlake source tells Us that rumors of a Timberlake/Spears duet are "patently false," fans should still expect to be surprised.

“She’s planning it to be a big comeback performance,” a Spears insider tells Us, adding that the goal is to make it “shocking.”

C’mon, do they actually think we can be shocked by Britney anymore? She could show up in astronaut diapers, a full beard, and give a horse a hummer on stage and we’d all just laugh and say, "Oh Britney!"

Britney Spears is about as feminine as Andrew Dice Clay grabbing his junk…while sitting on the crapper. She’s pictured above letting the boys just hang out while at the LAX club opening in Vegas (And no, by boys, I don’t mean Jayden and Sean). After this picture, she probably gave them a good scratch, belched, then asked one of her girlfriends for a stogie.

As many sources have reported, Amy Winehouse has added September’s Video Music Awards in Las Vegas to the list of obligations she’s balking on in an effort to work out her health issues. However, as MSN is reporting, because her husband, Blake, is shunning rehab as a means to recovery, she is shunning it as well.

Winehouse, who claimed to Perez Hilton that her tussle with her equally willpower-deficient spouse was touched off because he tried to stop her from cutting herself, is convinced she "can’t beat the drugs without him."

She avows, "He’s my rock and as a married couple we need to go through everything together. Blake says he isn’t going back to rehab — but I can if I want. But I’m not going without him."

Apparently, going on holiday at a swanky resort is their attempt at staying off the crack pipe. On the bright side, it does look like she’s bucked the British tradition of not shaving. On the down side, she apparently walks through sewage without washing her feet.