Unreliable gossip columnist Cindy Adams, who can’t even feel her own pulse, is reporting that Rosie O’Donnell and Kelli Carpenter, aka Kelli O’Donnell, are calling it quits. Adams reports:

WE’RE hearing that the togetherness of Rosie O’Donnell and Kelli Carpenter, the handsome blond gal Rosie calls her wife, may not be so together anymore. They married a few years ago in San Francisco. I remember excited Kelli then showing me her new driver’s license bearing the name Kelli O’Donnell. Whatever other difficulties such a breakup might cause, there is also a houseful of adopted kids they’re raising.

Rosie rushed right out and denied the rumor, then she started a weight loss program that combines watching marathons on TV, while she eats a box of donuts.