Paris Hilton’s mom, Kathy Hilton, will make an appearance on the Young and the Restless. All celebrity moms want to be stars themselves.

Randy Jones from the group the Village People, who are famous for their song YMCA, said he once partied with Kathy and Rick Hilton at Studio 54 back in 1977. He said when a rock rolled off the table, then Kathy and Rick snorted lines right off the floor.

“There was one rock of cocaine left, and it rolled off the table. They just didn’t even bother bringing it back up to a hard surface – they just crushed it into the carpet and snorted it off that. Whatever Paris Hilton is, she came by it honestly.”

That carpet must have been Berber, otherwise this story wouldn’t make sense. The Hilton’s deny the story, because they would have had nude girls to snort the coke off their breasts or something really cool like that.

Kathy Hilton told People the hardest part of Paris being in jail was:

"…"the rashes on her arms and face from the thin sheets…obviously with the very thin sheets and one pillow and one little thin blanket…that’s how [inmates] get rashes. It feels like sandpaper."

Maybe Kathy thought jails have 400 thread count cotton sheets, down filled beds, and memory foam pillows. All the water is bottled, and your meals are made to order by a chef. Such an easy mistake. That’s rehab, not jail. At least we finally know Paris was released from jail, and held in a medical facility, all because the sheets weren’t soft enough for her delicate skin. To date there are no reports to indicate the Hilton’s have donated new sheets, pillows, or blankets to improve living conditions for inmates. FYI: I have a pet rock that has more brains than Kathy Hilton.

While we’re on Paris Hilton overload waiting for her to accidentally fall off a cliff somewhere, it’s important to be reminded how Paris has influenced today’s young little princesses. The mom in this video actually looks a little like Kathy Hilton, and the daughter acts like Paris in the court room when she found out she had to go back to her jail cell. If you’ve got well behaved kids, this video will make you appreciate them even more. In fact, go give them a hug just for being good kids.

Prepare for the onslaught. Waves and waves of coverage of every baby-voiced utterance regarding her time in the big house are on their way.

As you know, Paris Hilton is scheduled to shed some crocodile tears on Larry King Live tomorrow.

Don’t worry too much if your Tivo stages a revolt and refuses to tape it.

Though Barbara Walters won’t deign to interview her, behold the Paris Penance Tour! You’ll have ample opportunity to witness her declarations of conversion behind bars.

Paris was released around midnight Monday, a touch of makeup on her face. A little blush, some lip gloss, but not that awful eyeliner she often wears.

Paris was clearly feeling good and had a big smile for everyone.

Parents Rick and Kathy Hilton picked their baby up at Lynwood and took her home to their place in a big SUV, trailed by ecstatic paparazzi.

So, the neighbors of Chez Paris had at least one more night of quiet.

That’s it for now. Surely she’ll release a statement when she gets up this morning.