Pictured is Britney Spears working on her new music video for her new song Get Back today at a warehouse in Los Angeles. Every time she says "tootsie rolls" in her video the camera does a close up of her cottage cheese thighs, then she strips down to her bra and panties and lets paps smother butter all over her, while she sips on a frappuccino and ignores Sean Preston crying in the background. Gawd this video is going to suck. I can’t wait!

The last three pictures are of Britney at the recording studio, and wearing a shockingly cute outfit, with another odd hat. I’d be shocked to find out this whole crazy Britney thing was just an act, and upon the release of her new album Britney and K-Fed shock the world by reuniting, along with Britney’s manager and publicist, all taking a bow on The Today Show. It would be like announcing aliens have been living among us for decades, and some of us realizing our spouse is an alien, and yet really great in bed.

We’ve all heard the news that Britney has asked her mom, Lynne, to stay away from Brit’s toys…er, kids. But as TMZ reports, the law might prevent that from happening:

Section 3104 of California’s Family Code gives judges the power to award visitation rights to grandparents. Judges consider two factors — if there’s a preexisting relationship between the grandparent and the grandchildren — in Lynne’s case, there is.

The judge will also balance the benefits the child will get from visiting grandma against the rights of the parents to exercise their parental authority.

Here’s where it gets interesting. If both parents nix the notion of grandma having visitation, there’s a strong presumption the judge should deny grandma’s request. So K-Fed may be critical if Lynne takes it to the judge. If Fed sides with Lynne, she’d have a shot.

Jerry Springer is just licking his chops, waiting for K-Fed to actually impregnate Lynne–you know it’s only a matter of time. But the hardest pill to swallow is the fact that Britney actually came from a human being. We thought she was created in a lab with two parts crazy, one part red bull and some vodka.

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Britney Spears already wrote a letter to the paparazzi apologizing for the umbrella incident, but she decided that wasn’t enough and posted an update to her official website with the same stupid garbage.

I apologize to the pap for a stunt that was done 4 months ago regarding an umbrella. I was preparing my character for a roll in a movie where the husband never plays his part so they switch places accidentally. I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn’t get the part.

By the looks of her, she certainly does take her rolls seriously. You’d think her second time around she’d catch her spelling mistakes or at least make sense, but you’d be wrong. Gee I wonder who got the role in this fictional movie, and what the fictional movie’s name is. I’m thinking it’s called "Regarding an Umbrella," where a bald headed crazy chick with an umbrella beats an empty SUV until the umbrella breaks.

Cocaine is a hell of a drug. Britney really is delusional! I bet she hears voices too.

Has anyone seen the Family Guy where Britney rolls out on stage in a wheelchair all fat and bloated and says" I’m still sexy even though I lost a leg to diabetes" and then performs a sad rendition of her first hit? We are only a year away from this performance.

According to Star Magazine, Britney Spears is still pissed off at her mother for "pushing her" into rehab, so she wrote her mom a poem is entitled "Dear Mama."

A source said the poem says “that she didn’t have a mom anymore and she couldn’t imagine a mother doing what she did to her child."

Britney delivered the poem along with a legal letter to her mother last week. She told her mother ‘Here Momma, I just wanted to see your face,’” a source told Star. “Then she got into her car and drove off. Lynne went into the trailer and broke down in tears.”

She also allegedly gave her mother a CD of private phone conversations between Lynne Spears and Kevin Federline taken by a private investigator. In the conversations K-Fed and Lynne set up times that she can secretly see her grandchildren. Recording those conversations is illegal isn’t it? How does Britney thinks this makes her look like a good mother? Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Train Wreck Alert: Britney Spears wants to take the "Ex" off of "Fed-Ex." The National Enquirer is reporting (via MSNBC) that Britney wants K-Fed in her life again, saying, "I want my family back!" Yes, when we think of family, we think of Britney. Nothing says I love you like a restraining order, which she is rumored to be filing against her mother.

Although he had suspected that Spears has been stalling on the legalities of the split because of second thoughts, Federline was still shocked when she dropped the bombshell, a “source close to the couple” said. Spears’ rep denies the story.

The phone conversation, which was about custody rights, grew heated and Federline said he wasn’t interested in a reconciliation, the source told the tab. But Spears became upset and threatened to drag out the divorce for months “until he saw things her way and came back to her.”

When K-Fed is the voice of reason, you’ve officially hit rock bottom.

In the best news since we found out K-Fed did not spread any more of his nasty yet potent seed, Bill Zwecker reports that Nicole Richie is NOT pregnant with Joel Madden’s baby:

"Chicago Sun-Times gossip columnist Bill Zwecker reports that ‘after a long chat with a close Nicole Richie source Tuesday, I’m confident that Paris Hilton’s TV reality co-star is not pregnant.’”

There were so many reasons to be disturbed by the news that she was, we didn’t know where to start. First off, the baby would have been in real trouble since Nicole, herself, is at preemie weight. Secondly–Joel Madden could be someone’s father? Need we say more?

We’re stumped, though, by the balloon-esque type dresses she’s been wearing as of late–perhaps she’s morphed into a marsupial and in her pouch is a large stash of vicodin.

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