According to 24/Sizzler, K-Fed has forsaken The Hills for the sake of just one…One Tree Hill, that is.

Kevin Federline surprisingly passed on a seemingly lucrative offer from Brody Jenner this past weekend in Las Vegas: To have a cameo on The Hills! But Kevin’s not worried: He just landed a stint on the CW’s One Tree Hill!

On Sunday night at Rehab at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, Brody and The Hills star Audrina Patridge were partying with their own group of friends, but at one point, they left their poolside cabana to mingle with Kevin’s posse. “Brody invited Kevin over to the Palms to make a cameo in The Hills,” a spy tells 24Sizzler.com. “Kevin declined the offer, though, deciding to stay at the Hard Rock.” (Kevin and Brody did bond though: Kevin lent Brody some of his pimp bling for him to pose in a few photos).

According to one Federline insider, Kevin, who’s in need of a gig, made the right decision: “With all the custody drama going on right now, and who’s a better parent, and who’s partying, I don’t think it’s the best idea for Kevin to get too involved with another group of Young Hollywood types who go out every night,” the source tells 24Sizzler.com.

I’m no agent, but I don’t think K-Fed should be turning down ANY roles these days. If Siegfried and Roy call him up and ask him to get down on all fours and growl like a lion, his only question should be "What time?" Kudos to him for passing on an opportunity to hit one more party, though. Do you hear that, Britney? That’s the seconds of the clock ticking away until the nice men in white coats come to take you away.

Attention whores of the millennium, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, are claiming the leak of the shideous single done by Heidi was a mistake. To boot, the single contains a K-Fedulous rap in it, courtesy of Spencer Brat. Us Magazine reports:

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are normally of the "all press is good press" school, but today’s leak of Montag’s first single has got them both in a tizzy.

A source tells Usmagazine.com that the couple do not know where Ryan Seacrest got the song, which he played for listener feedback this morning on his radio show. “They are furious," the source says. "They don’t know who [is responsible], but Heidi, Spencer and the label are extremely upset it leaked."

Montag, who has a contract to release one song, not a whole album, with Warner Brothers, had planned to release "Body Language" without Pratt’s rap. Pratt tells Us that the leaked track "was a song Heidi and I were doing for fun. Never would I rap on her first single!"

Yeah, and the sex tape we’re sure to find is going to be an "accident" too. Just looking at these two makes me feel like I have food poisoning on a humid, hundred-degree day at my time of the month. Yes, it’s that bad.

Britney Spears is like a tornado of bad news that is quickly becoming an F-5 Hurricane big enough to bring down a small third world country. Here’s a summary:

BRITNEY IS DRUNK AND NAKED - Another shocking revelation: “She drinks in front of the kids,” one former staffer says of Spears. “At first, the drinks would help her loosen up and not be so angry. But she’d inevitably drink too much and be out of it, at which point the nannies would take care of the kids.” And multiple sources confirm Spears’ exhibitionist streak: “She’ll strip down in front of staff, nannies, whomever,” says one. “She’ll ask, ‘Do I look sexy? Do I look pretty?’ She’s extremely insecure.”

BRITNEY IS GAY - Britney’s quick tryst with Matt Encinias made headlines, but the music-video extra wasn’t the real target of Brit’s affection that night. OK! has learned that Britney spent the evening topless, nuzzling up to her former assistant Shannon Funk! “Instead of hooking up with him, [Shannon] ended up back in Brit’s room and bed,” a source tells OK!. Britney has been experimenting with girls since her teen years. She even put the moves on porn queen Jenna Jameson. “Jenna told me that Britney hit on her and that she hooks up with girls,” says adult-movie actress Tera Patrick.

BRITNEY TELLS HER KIDS THEY WERE MISTAKES - “She makes out with men in front of the boys, refuses to change their diapers, puts whitening strips on their teeth.”

BRITNEYS BODYGUARD AND EX ASSISTANT SERVED - Shannon Funk was served late Tuesday night at the airport in Long Beach, Calif. Also on the list was the singer’s bodyguard Daimon Shippen, who was served late Monday night as he was getting out of his car in Santa Monica, Calif. Federline’s lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is behind the subpoenas, which will be used to compel those close to Spears to discuss her parenting style.

BRITNEY WILL OPEN THE VMAs - one of the worst kept secrets is that Britney will perform at the MTV Video Music awards on September 9th in Vegas.

BRITNEY AND K-FED DIVORCE DOCUMENTS MAY OR MAY NOT STAY SEALED - The divorce and custody papers of KFed and Brit are currently sealed and not available to the public and their lawyers want to keep it that way. However, People Magazine and other outlets will ask the court to make these documents public on September 14th. They feel these records should be made public since they are public figures. The custody hearing will take place on September 17th.

If the press is writing headlines like these about you…you just might be a redneck. Oh, and Britney should be insecure. 1) She’s not pretty. 2) She’s not sexy. 3) She’s an alcoholic. 4) She’s a whore. 5) She doesn’t have a shred of talent anymore. 6) She doesn’t have a shred of credibility or decency anymore. 7) People hate her, and yet she still made the cover of Allure with the help of Photoshop…in my opinion.

Kevin Federline is serious about asking for increased custody of the two kids he has with Britney Spears, and early Sunday morning Spears’ cousin/assistant Alli Sims and Spears’ music producer JR Rotem were notified that they will be called to testify in the custody hearings. Us magazine says:

They were approached early Sunday morning around 2:30 a.m. outside a party at a Hollywood Hills home and served with a deposition subpoena by Aaron Cohen of IMS Security, who, according to another source, is "one the top security guys in Hollywood."

A visibly upset Sims attempted to avoid being served, and she and Rotem began to argue with Cohen. But, as an eyewitness reports, Cohen was not deterred by Sims’ denials and was forced to throw the subpoena through an open car window as Sims and Rotem fled in a friend’s car. Spears was spotted leaving the same party moments later and eventually joined Sims and Rotem at her Beverly Hills home.

It probably didn’t help that Britney and her friends had to be served at 2:30am at a party in the Hollywood Hills, but Us goes on to say that Simms will be questioned about everything she knows in regards to Britney as a parent:

According to a source familiar with the custody battle, Sims’ deposition gives Kaplan the ability to, "ask her about everything. What she feeds the kids, what’s going in the bottles, how late they’re staying up and about what Britney is like when she parties."

Britney’s only hope now is for Ali to either disappear forever, or to develop a pathological condition that forces her to lie for Britney. TMZ says K-Fed is only after the money:

K-Fed is going back to court asking for more custody of the kids. Kevin Federline just agreed to a 50/50 split. Then, he turned around almost immediately and filed papers asking for 70/30. So why such a sudden change of heart?

Alli Sims, Britney’s cousin, was served over the weekend. Kevin’s lawyer wants to take her deposition. Now here’s what’s telling. Federline’s lawyer also wants to take Britney’s depo, but a source connected with Alli says the deposition notice Britney received is all financial — in other words, the references are all about money, not the kids.

When a guy does it, he’s only after the money, when a woman does it, she’s only doing it for the kids. Sexist. If Britney had not already proven her love for sex with a different guy every night, nearly substantiated lesbian rumors, been to rehab for drug and alcohol abuse, nearly dropped Sean Preston a few times, and put her children’s safety in jeopardy over and over again, then maybe the case could be made for K-Fed only being after the money. Of course he wants the money, and to make sure his kids are safe. K-Fed didn’t engage in a custody battle with Shar Jackson, probably because she’s a better mother than Britney Spears. Sad isn’t it? Who knows, once K-Fed gets the kids, Shar might help him raise his kids, and they will probably turn out better. Britney was raised by a pack of wolves, and look how she turned out. Wolves are so over-rated.

The Scoop is reporting that, after a string of erratic behavior by Britney, K-Fed has given up any thoughts of joint custody and is pursuing sole custody instead.

Spears was recently spotted driving with her younger son Jayden facing forward in his car seat, not backward as federal guidelines require. And earlier this month, he was photographed grabbing his mother’s cigarettes. On July 18, she stripped to her skivvies on a beach in front of photographers and reports of bizarre behavior at an OK! magazine shoot have friends seriously worried about the Toxic singer. Spears wants K-Fed to sign a joint custody agreement, but he’s reportedly refused.

Can you imagine the judge trying to decide between Britney and K-Fed?  It’s like being on a strict diet and eating at a restaurant that only serves deep fried chicken wings and fettucini alfredo.  I can picture him now:  "Eeny meeny, miny mo…"