Janet Jackson showed up at the LA Premiere of Why Did I Get Married? looking … um … NOT FAT. Janet has been battling weight problems for years now, and her attempt to restart her career met with a lukewarm response, but at least she’s got her health, and that little troll Jermaine Dupree. That guy really creeps me out. He reminds me of a scary Umpa Lumpa from Willy Wonka, singing a weird little song as he escorts guests to the exit. Then doing a little dance with those short little legs, and wearing black face. What’s that, he’s black? I’ve never heard of a black Umpa Lumpa. You amaze me with your knowledge of random and useless trivia.

I know there are a lot of readers that complain whenever I call someone FAT, but when you’re selling yourself as slim and sexy then FAT is a disaster for your career. Janet Jackson made an album that bombed, and her career looks like it will never get back on track. She lost a ton of weight, did every magazine cover in existence, which all did photoshop work to make her look even better, and now she’s grieving and eating her way through a failed comeback. Despite her weight gain, Janet’s fat is still healthier than Michael’s addiction to plastic surgery. Maybe Janet should consider gastric band surgery before she eats Jermaine Dupri.