Alec Baldwin stole the show at the all women Elle Magazine 16th annual Women in Hollywood Awards. Baldwin had the ladies laughing during his entire bit, he said:

"I want to assure you that I didn’t steal this role from a more qualified woman. There was an audition process. The audition required me to move a couch, fall asleep in front of the TV, and open a particularly stubborn jar of pickles… If Tom Cruise would simply lower his quote by a mere $29 million, my salary would not make a difference. My annual salary is the budget for Altoids on one of Tom’s movies."

Alec poked fun at skinny actresses saying:

"Movie actresses are so skinny if I had a love scene I would crush them."

About Renee Zellweger he said:

"She is so tiny, but she’s got a big voice. I’ve been to parties with her and you can hear her voice anywhere, but you can’t understand a word she says."

No one was left spared:

"Tonight the job goes to Julie Andrews. You have three choices: You can follow Robert Pattinson into the men’s room, rush the stage during a Taylor Swift concert and tell her how great Henry Mancini is, or to publicize the Blu-Ray release of The Sound of Music, or you can release one of your own grandchildren in a balloon into the air."

Lindsay Lohan made an appearance, too, as the butt of a Baldwin joke about how DreamWorks executive Jeffrey Katzenberg is one of most powerful men in show business.

"Even more than Lindsay Lohan’s psychiatrist."

In case you’re wondering why Baldwin would take a job of hosting a women’s event, he will work anywhere he can earn a paycheck, even as a Fox News contributor, if they’d pay him for appearing.

Britney Spears is still being a bad girl. Last week she didn’t take her drug test after she didn’t supply the drug testers with her address. The judge said the last time she missed tests that a missed test was a failed test. The judge revoked her one day a week visitation.

The parenting coach also phone in during an emergency hearing with the judge, who is really a commissioner, and asked if she could end home visits since she wasn’t making any progress with Britney’s parenting skills.

Before her Blackout album hits record stores there is now news that pre-orders are now at number 76 on Amazon.com. The analysis is that Britney’s bad behavior is creating so much negativity that there is now very little interest in her new album. There is one way to make celebrities act like decent people, and forcing the talented ones to rise to the top, instead of scum. Don’t buy their albums, watch their movies, or buy their products until they spend more time giving great performances, rather than breaking the law.

Britney Spears was seen in Malibu along the Pacific Coast Highway, and today there is a huge fire raging. Did Britney start the fire with a flick of her cigarette? Maybe now she’ll stop smoking when the paparazzi are filling her car with gas. No one is saying yet what started the fire, but the following stars have so far been evacuated: Jennifer Aniston, Sting, Bill Murray, Tatum O’Neal, Rob Reiner, Linda Ronstadt, David Arquette and Courteney Cox, David Geffen, Jeffrey Katzenberg,Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson, Olivia Newton-John, and James Cameron.

The Spears/Federline is under court seal, so it is difficult to get timely information. Despite having her visitation revoked, Britney was out yesterday, at Starbucks, with her kids and a court monitor, so it looks like she made another deal. Britney probably had to take a drug test and pass it before the commissioner let her see her kids.