The touching prose from Paris Hilton’s journal, which she generously shared with the world on Larry King Live, has been turned into a glorious rock ballad. The touching song is called "A Process A Gift and A Journey" and it’s a little bit like Queen, a smidge of Tenacious D, and even smacks a bit of Journey, natch.

It’s a lot like the anthem of a celebutard who bought a bunch of paper and pencil from the jail commissary to pass the time, which she wasn’t serving. The time was serving her.

Please enjoy the video here. Lighters and cell phone "lamps" optional, but arms slowly and reverently waving above your head are required.

The AP has a good one this Friday morning. It’s a tale of an innocent, altruistic college student whose new cell phone has Paris Hilton’s old cell phone number.

As one might expect, dead-of-night hilarity has ensued.

For months, Shira Barlow’s cell phone was flooded with wrong-number calls and text messages, mostly between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends. Told they had reached a college student, callers refused to believe it.

"Baby girl, how are you?" one man purred in a foreign accent. "Why are you doing this?" a woman asked. "This is so rude." And there were several seemingly random references to "Paris."

Besides the expected where’s-the-party calls, Hilton’s old phone number has been the destination of supportive messages.

Then came the day Hilton was sentenced to jail after violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. Messages about parties were replaced by dozens expressing condolences.

"People were scared for her," Barlow said.

The phone traffic trailed off when Hilton entered jail last month. But when Hilton was released, a new crop of messages flooded in.

"It’s disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything," one wrote.

Barlow said she has resisted the temptation to pose as Hilton to get into exclusive parties. But she did message supporters "thanks so much," believing Hilton would appreciate it.

It’s situations like this that unlimited-text-message plans were born for. What a nice girl that Barlow, sending messages of gratefulness on Hilton’s behalf.

The new-and-improved post-jail Paris would likely return the favor if the tables were turned.

You! Stop the snickering.

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Al Gore III has been in trouble many times before. Is this a bad parenting issue?

- In 1996, he was suspended from his high school for smoking marijuana.
- In August 2000, he was ticketed for reckless driving by North Carolina police for driving 94 mph.
- In September 2002, military police arrested him on suspicion of drunk driving near a military base in Virginia.
- In 2003, he was charged with marijuana possession in Maryland after police stopped the car he was driving for not having its headlights on.
- In February 2004, he entered a substance abuse program as part of a plea agreement.

Here’s more:

Al Gore’s son was pulled over for speeding on a California freeway early Wednesday and arrested on suspicion of possessing marijuana and prescription drugs, authorities said.

Al Gore III, 24, was driving a blue Toyota Prius about 100 mph south on the San Diego Freeway when he was pulled over by sheriff’s deputies who said they smelled marijuana, said Sheriff’s Department spokesman Jim Amormino.

The deputies searched the car and found less than an ounce of marijuana along with Xanax, Valium, Vicodin, and Adderall, which is used for attention deficit disorder, Amormino said.

"He does not have a prescription for any of those drugs," Amormino said.

Gore was being held in the men’s central jail in Santa Ana on $20,000 bail.

With regards to Nicole Richie, the question of is she or isn’t she has apparently been answered, and the answer is SHE IS! TMZ just broke the news:

The starlet has been dating Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden for over six months. Rumors have been swirling for months that Richie and Madden were expecting, but TMZ has confirmed through several sources that she is, in fact, with child. In Touch magazine is also reporting that the couple will wed this summer.

Won’t it be so darling to have Nicole and Lionel do the father/daughter dance to one of his songs? There isn’t a more fitting one than his classic "Easy."

Richie is currently facing DUI charges stemming from her arrest last December, when she was found driving the wrong way on a California highway. Richie’s trial is set for July 11. If convicted, she faces a minimum of five days in jail.

I wonder if the prison meal program accommodates those who are eating for two, although in Nicole’s case, she’s really only eating for 1.5 (She is the ".5"). If she really can’t handle it, she can string a bunch of baby booties together and escape.

In a story that makes The Hoff getting custody of his kids seem normal, The Bosh is reporting that Lindsay Lohan is in negotiations to play Paris Hilton in a movie about her life. We’ll give you a minute to wipe down the Coke that just came out of your nose. Cue the circus music, as Britney Spears is also possibly connected to the project.

A source told the Daily Mail, "There have already been negotiations with a major film company to make the Paris Hilton biopic with Lindsay Lohan playing Paris – with Britney Spears singing the soundtrack."

Though Paris and Lindsay have been rivals off and on for some time now, the source said that "Paris was on cloud nine” about the project. According to the snitch, who was likely calling from a mental institution, “Rather than talking remorsefully about her time [in jail, Paris] seemed energized by her plans to capitalize on her experience."

This story has about as much credibility as Paris Hilton being drug-free, but we love it all the same. Stay tuned for more news on the biopic, which we can only hope will be called "The Devil Wears Nada."