Nicole Richie spent a total of 82 minutes behind bars of her 4 day jail sentence due to…wait for it…overcrowding. From the look at her face in the new mug shot, she already knew she would beat the system. This is better than Oceans 13. Obviously, we’ve underestimated the master criminal genius otherwise known as "the mule." Why "the mule?" Because she’s carrying the evil spawn of Joel Madden, which has now aided a criminal in getting a lighter sentence and special treatment. You’ve won this round Miss Richie, but you won’t be so lucky next time, and there will be a next time, and probably a few more after that, so we’ll have more chances in case we mess up a few more times, but we’ll finally get it right. You just wait and see.

Below is Richie checking into jail. She brought her dogs, then picked them up at the door as she left.

TMZ just broke the huge news that Nicole Richie checked herself into prison today.

She was booked at the Lynwood Jail, where Paris did her time, at 3:15 this afternoon. Great move by her lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley. While all the attention was on Lindsay, no one was watching Nicole.

She can etch her name right next to "Paris was hear." And yes, that would be how she’d spell it. These girls are getting off so easy, I wouldn’t be surprised if Nicole has a mani/pedi scheduled while in the clink.

Lindsay Lohan won’t be charged with any felonies. The Los Angeles district attorney says that Lindsay did not possess the .05 grams required by office policy for felony filing. What’s the threshold for the cocaine found in her blood taken at the hospital after her DUI accident? Here’s more:

The charges are seven misdemeanors — NO FELONIES. And, there may be a plea bargain today at 1:30 PM PDT.

Lindsay had a .12 blood alcohol level on her second arrest and a .15 on her first. The legal limit is .08, but the DA still didn’t think twice legal limit twice was enough for a felony, and found room in his heart of gold to have pity for Lindsay:

In deciding whether to file felony cocaine charges, the D.A. always looks at the person and the circumstances. In Lohan’s case, the fact that she was busted twice in a short period of time actually helped her. It shows someone is struggling with an addiction problem. The fact that each time she was busted, she immediately checked into a rehab facility also helped her case. Also, her age — 21 — and the fact that her upbringing was extremely unstable — also worked in her favor.

Sounds like the DA had a lot of excuses for not charging Lindsay with a felony. I guess we should all give Lindsay a break, after all, she’s only become a millionaire, lived the American dream in the spotlight, had the same crappy parents as the rest of us, and so she deserves to get a slap on the wrist for committing seven misdemeanors, and at least one felony that isn’t important enough to file. Saddam Hussein could have immigrated to Los Angeles after the war broke out in Iraq, and made the same claims as Lindsay, and his crimes probably would have got him less time in jail than Paris Hilton. I’m all for bringing back the old days where an angry crowd gets wind of a rumor like celebrities aren’t treated like average folk, so they drag a few out to the old oak tree and string’em up with a sign on their chest that says, "poor little rich girl/boy."

The New York Daily News said yesterday that Lindsay Lohan is spending her time in rehab daydreaming about reviving her music … umm … "career" (?). Rush and Malloy say:

Insiders say Lohan has let Universal Music execs know she’s ready to deliver the third album she owes. But do they want it?

Guided by Casablanca label head Tommy Mottola, Lohan recorded the 2004 CD "Speak," which sold a respectable 1.6 million copies here and abroad. Her 2005 followup, "A Little More Personal," did more than 600,000 units.

Mottola had been after Lohan to get back into the studio, but she didn’t have time with all the movies she was making. Then came her two DUI arrests and a charge of cocaine possession. Amid reports that insurance companies were afraid to bond her pictures, her schedule freed up.

But lately, relations between Mottola and Lohan are said to have cooled. (He didn’t return our calls.) And others at Universal Music are approaching her cautiously.

"As much as she wants to make another album," says one insider, "the feeling is she needs to get herself cleaned up. Then we can talk about it."

For an industry that prides itself on sex, drugs, and violence, they do have a bottom line which involves making money. Lohan’s first record was due to her previous success as a child actress, the second dropped to about 1/3 of the first album’s sales. Lohan’s third album would probably sell as many as Paris Hilton. Lohan’s movies don’t make money either. Lohan should just give up on Hollywood and join the circus where she fits in.

Yesterday Michael and Dina Lohan came to an agreement in their divorce:

Though the terms of the agreement were not disclosed, state Supreme Court Justice Robert A. Ross reportedly told the Lohans, ‘You have both demonstrated to me extraordinarily good judgment in resolving this matter as you did.’ Despite today’s events, the Lohans will be in family court on Sept. 6 to determine a custody and visitation agreement for their underage children, 13-year-old Aliana and 11-year-old Dakota.

I feel for the judge. Imagine trying to decide between Dina who has been pictured drinking and doing drugs with Lindsay, and Michael who has been in jail for the past 2 years on a DUI charge. He might as well give the kids to a pack of wolves. I guess it could be worse. The kids could have been raised by Jihad loving parents, who strap bomb belts on the kids and tell them to go out and make them proud.

When Lindsay was at Promises she went roller blading and bicycling on the beach, then relapsed only 11 days later. Now she’s at the Cirque Lodge rehab center in Utah where she stays busy by hiking, bicycling, and whitewater-rafting. On August 16 she went for a 90-minute bike ride around Orem, and the next day she went rafting on the Provo River dressed in a pirate bandanna. She was also seen shopping at an Abercrombie and Fitch store and at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory where she picked up $70 worth of chocolates.

If you didn’t know Lindsay was a drunk and a drug addict in need of rehab, you might get the justified impression that Promises and Cirque Lodge were either summer camps or spas. They probably smoke pot around the camp fire, and eat pot brownies all day, to keep their clients more relaxed during their stay. At a real rehab they’d lock you in your room after searching it, wake you up with a fire hose, lock you in a box for 2 days in the hot sun outside if you misbehave, make you exercise, and learn how to take care of yourself during difficult circumstances, like trying to make it out of a swamp filled with poisonous snakes and no water or food for a week. That hat Lindsay is wearing should say "fake."

Kathy Hilton told People the hardest part of Paris being in jail was:

"…"the rashes on her arms and face from the thin sheets…obviously with the very thin sheets and one pillow and one little thin blanket…that’s how [inmates] get rashes. It feels like sandpaper."

Maybe Kathy thought jails have 400 thread count cotton sheets, down filled beds, and memory foam pillows. All the water is bottled, and your meals are made to order by a chef. Such an easy mistake. That’s rehab, not jail. At least we finally know Paris was released from jail, and held in a medical facility, all because the sheets weren’t soft enough for her delicate skin. To date there are no reports to indicate the Hilton’s have donated new sheets, pillows, or blankets to improve living conditions for inmates. FYI: I have a pet rock that has more brains than Kathy Hilton.