One tab shuns her, another puts her on the cover in an "exclusive."

People wasted no time getting Paris Hilton photographed and interviewed. It’s reported that Paris sat for the photo shoot Tuesday, mere hours after being released from the pokey.

You’ve got to think that the interview with Larry King tonight will take some of the wind out of the "exclusive" — which will hit newsstands over the next few days.

According to Page Six, John Stamos won’t be welcome Down Under again any time soon–and, no, that’s not a euphemism. Some local news correspondents speculated that Uncle Jesse might have been "in the cups" during interviews on several TV shows in Australia.

The "ER" star was called "bleary-eyed, staggering and slurring," as well as "tired and emotional," by a Sydney newspaper after appearing on several TV shows in a highly disheveled state. Interviewer Kerri-Ann Kennerley noted, "It was a bit like he’d perhaps come from a hotel minibar." In one memorable moment, Stamos likened himself to Elvis Presley and Princess Diana, quipping: "Who else has died? My career after coming to Australia." He later blamed his weird state on jet lag.

Jet lag? Really? Even Paula Abdul could have come up with a better excuse than that, my friend. How about you put down the dirty martini next time and throw another shrimp on the barbie? Still, I wouldn’t kick him outta bed for eating garlic olives. I’m jussayin’.

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Prepare for the onslaught. Waves and waves of coverage of every baby-voiced utterance regarding her time in the big house are on their way.

As you know, Paris Hilton is scheduled to shed some crocodile tears on Larry King Live tomorrow.

Don’t worry too much if your Tivo stages a revolt and refuses to tape it.

Though Barbara Walters won’t deign to interview her, behold the Paris Penance Tour! You’ll have ample opportunity to witness her declarations of conversion behind bars.

Paris was released around midnight Monday, a touch of makeup on her face. A little blush, some lip gloss, but not that awful eyeliner she often wears.

Paris was clearly feeling good and had a big smile for everyone.

Parents Rick and Kathy Hilton picked their baby up at Lynwood and took her home to their place in a big SUV, trailed by ecstatic paparazzi.

So, the neighbors of Chez Paris had at least one more night of quiet.

That’s it for now. Surely she’ll release a statement when she gets up this morning.

As the hot potato that is the first post-pokey interview with Paris Hilton was tossed around, Barbara Walters deemed it unworthy, a potentially bad PR move and opted to decline the opportunity, allowing CNN to swoop in.

According to Cindy Adams, Walters had this to say about the jostling.

"Look, I’ve done prison interviews before, but people like the Menendez Brothers were really important news stories," said the First Lady of the Soundbites.

"This wasn’t. And even though I’d already written my questions, when all that pay-for-play stuff happened, I suddenly felt this was not up to my standard. It . . . felt . . . sort of . . .

Tawdry. The whole thing somehow was beneath me. Besides, it was a no-win. If I did a tough piece and her tears started to flow, it would be, ‘Oh, there’s Barbara Walters making people cry again.’ Too soft, and I’d be criticized."

Walters reports that ABC wanted the "get" for the ratings, but that they were "classy" about it and let her decision stand. Besides, she’d already interviewed the incarcerated socialite on the phone and been the first to report that Paris Hilton has "changed."

All this while Paris Hilton, the new voice for the disenfranchised, was (again) waxing altruistic and public-service minded in yet another phone interview, this time with Ryan Seacrest.

Beyond the thankful-for-her-pillow talk, Hilton let Seacrest in on her plans to build a facility to help end the recidivism cycle of female convicts.

E Online reports that Hilton said she hopes it will be "a place for them to go get food, clothes on their back, get them up on their feet. Especially the mothers. It’s just a really bad cycle. If we stop it now, we can make our community a better place."

All noble, but we’ll believe it when we see it.

Leopard. Spots. You know the drill.

Paris Hilton will make an appearance on Larry King Live Wednesday night after being released from jail on Tuesday. Get ready for the fake tears, the feel sorry for me story, and how she is going to change the world like Jesus did.

Rumor is Hilton will appear in studio for the entire hour of the show. Yesterday NBC was denying they made a $1 million dollar deal for Hilton to appear on their network.